Suffice To Say The Narrator Is Not A Philanthropist, AKA Can I Get This On A T-Shirt Please?

Like a church without a steeple,

A Costco that’s not full of people,

A girl who doesn’t like a bunny

Or a kid who thinks fart jokes aren’t funny,

Like a bracelet without a clasp,

A crossword puzzle without the word “asp,”

Like warm fresh bread without the yeast

Or cannibals who never feast,

Like raindrops falling with the snow

Or a hallmark card by Edgar Alan Poe,

Like a duck that only sinks

Or someone driving behind you that thinks,

Like a straight man enjoying “Magic Mike,”

Someone else’s chihuahua that people like,

A University that welcomes drop-ins,

Or “Liam Neeson stars as Mary Poppins.”

These are things that don’t exist,

That can’t be seen and won’t be missed.

They are like what you’ll become

If you ask me for money, Mr. Bum.


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