I’m an ugly alien
Stranded in a foreign land,
My family a universe away.
This didn’t turn out like I planned.
Now I labor day and night
To find a way to contact home.
Thanks to the help of local youth
My labors led me to a phone.
A phone, I’ve found, is a device
On which your reputation grows
By means of posting stolen jokes
And NSFW photos.
There are a million methods of
Making heard the things you say.
You can give a one-star Yelp review
But post pics of your meal anyway.
It’s easy to become burned out
By the never-ending social slog,
But if you do, why not recover
By sharing your favorite poetry blog?
I checked Foursquare for where I am.
This “Earth” has left me entertained,
But I must flee in my Uber now
Before humans dissect my brain.
Thanks for all your efforts
To enumerate my clout.
And with that said, ET phones home.
Roflol, XO, Peace out!