If you ever write a story
And don’t know what’s going on
Just say that there were aliens
And your plot holes will be gone!
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Tag Archives: Aliens
Everything You Want To Know (But Were Too Scared To Ask)
Am I the only one
Who’s lonely at night,
Who drinks from the faucet,
Who doesn’t want to fight?
Am I the only one
Whose hot chocolate is made
Without any water
But instead lemonade?
Am I the only one
Whose blowholes get sore
When I inhale the air
That you buy at the store?
If you’re ever unsure
If you’re normal or weird
Know that I’m right there with you
And so is my beard.
Filed under Poems
Abduction Impressions
Flashing purple lights.
I’m inside a UFO.
What is with that probe?
Filed under Poems
Why Aliens Don’t Visit Anymore
Earth has too many humans,
And jupiter has too much gas.
Mercury and venus
Are much too hot to pass.
Mars just might have martians ,
And Saturn has too many rings,
And I don’t like the awful puns
Uranus always brings.
Pluto is a lovely place,
But it’s just a planetoid,
And Neptune is a neighborhood
The prudent should avoid.
I’ve flown around for years now,
But I’ve never found a place
And cool and dark and cozy
As life in outer space.
Filed under Poems
ET (2016)
I’m an ugly alien
Stranded in a foreign land,
My family a universe away.
This didn’t turn out like I planned.
Now I labor day and night
To find a way to contact home.
Thanks to the help of local youth
My labors led me to a phone.
A phone, I’ve found, is a device
On which your reputation grows
By means of posting stolen jokes
And NSFW photos.
There are a million methods of
Making heard the things you say.
You can give a one-star Yelp review
But post pics of your meal anyway.
It’s easy to become burned out
By the never-ending social slog,
But if you do, why not recover
By sharing your favorite poetry blog?
I checked Foursquare for where I am.
This “Earth” has left me entertained,
But I must flee in my Uber now
Before humans dissect my brain.
Thanks for all your efforts
To enumerate my clout.
And with that said, ET phones home.
Roflol, XO, Peace out!
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Filed under Poems
Tagged as Aliens, ET, Humor, Phones, Poetry, Postaday, Remakes, Social Commentary, Social Media