Tag Archives: Phones

Whose Phone Is This? (Aka The White-Guy-Alone-On-The-Bus-In-Harlem Song)

Whose phone is this

That disturbs my rest,

Who informs its master

By beeping?

Its constant noise

Does so make me stressed

For one minute ago

I was sleeping.

This, this

Is the white guy’s phone

Which disturbs your sleep

Via default tone.

This guy

Will be lain to rest

At the mortuary of Saint Mary.

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Filed under Poems, Songs

ET (2016)

I’m an ugly alien

Stranded in a foreign land,

My family a universe away.

This didn’t turn out like I planned.

Now I labor day and night

To find a way to contact home.

Thanks to the help of local youth

My labors led me to a phone.

A phone, I’ve found, is a device

On which your reputation grows

By means of posting stolen jokes

And NSFW photos.

There are a million methods of

Making heard the things you say.

You can give a one-star Yelp review

But post pics of your meal anyway.

It’s easy to become burned out

By the never-ending social slog,

But if you do, why not recover

By sharing your favorite poetry blog?

I checked Foursquare for where I am.

This “Earth” has left me entertained,

But I must flee in my Uber now

Before humans dissect my brain.

Thanks for all your efforts

To enumerate my clout.

And with that said, ET phones home.

Roflol, XO, Peace out!

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Filed under Poems