Life, By The Numbers

Number one is what ambitious people want to be.

Number two is what you do when you don’t have to pee.

Number three’s a dream for men (if you know what I mean)

And four-point-oh’s the GPA of those who know the dean.

Five star restaurants are nice; Motel 6 is not.

If your girl’s a seven or an eight she’s pretty hot.

Nine’s the biggest number with one digit, that is true.

And ten means that non-Nabokovs think she’s too young to do.

I could do eleven, even twelve and then thirteen

But already the gimmick of the poem’s growing lean

So I will end it with a number that is really fine:

Seventy! (The number that comes after sixty-nine).

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