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I think there are two types of folks.

Let’s see if you agree:

1: People who are literally Hitler

2: People who think just like me

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Florida Man Goes Traveling

“Peculiar” is the word she used

Which made me just a bit confused.

What’s in any way peculiar about a guy

Who likes to eat burgers for lunch

With a glass of fruity punch

And, for dessert, has a slice of gator pie?

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Also, My Stepmom Is A Lot More Distant Now

I got tired of seeing ads

For beer and women’s shoes

So I installed an ad blocker

‘Cause what did I have to lose?

Soon my girlfriend Yui called

Saying, “Dave, you’re such a bore!”

I guess it’s my fault hot asians

Don’t want to date me anymore…

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I’m Getting Stepsistery In My Old Age

Cinderella is the tale

Of a peasant girl named Ella

Who, by being the only nice girl in the world,

Snares the heart of her fella.

Some say we’d all be Cinderella

If the world were entirely jerks

Yet I haven’t met many princesses

So I don’t think that’s how the world works.

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Normalcy Is Discouraged

If a thing is worth the work

Required to do it well

Then it is also worth the time

To be lousy as Hell.

If you hunt and fight and sing

And miss and lose and cry

You’ve far surpassed the many

Who were too afraid to try.

The losers of the universe

Die proudly in the sand,

Pleased to bear their battle scars

With dirt upon their hand.

There are no failures in the world

Of doing what’s worthwhile,

For both the best and all the rest

Have earned the right to smile.

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Never Discuss A Desire To Expand One’s Vocabulary With A Maternal Figure When Poor…

Fate, ye tempting mountebank,

Whether spurious or not,

Can prove to be, to our free will,

A specious asymptote.

Atropos, supercilious,

Cuts our time; We must defer.

My mom paid me a dollar

To write this poem, so blame her.

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Yes, The Rhyme Is Valid… No, 9:00 and 9 Aren’t The Same

Today I slept in until 9:00

And felt amazingly fine.

Tomorrow, alas,

All good things must pass

For I must wake at 8:59

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