Tag Archives: poems

Jurass-is-Grass

The Tyrannosaurus Rex

Was stalking the jungle

And feeling incredibly violent

When, soundless and yellow,

Urine hit the fellow

For the Pterodactyl’s pee is silent.

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The Dirty Mind Test

The colored leaves of Autumn

Were sweet, naïve, and tame

But all of that changed

When the leaf blower came…

They shuddered and whispered

And were blown like a flag,

Then they wiped themselves off

With the maple leaf rag.

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Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*

“Black guys play the black card.”

That’s how white people said it

Before they made the Master Card

And gave themselves the credit.

*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.

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Bob Dylan, Social Justice, and Math

Take the number of roads

A man must walk down

Before he can be called a man,

Then multiply that by negative 1

And you have the number of roads you need walk to be called trans.

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When She Says “Don’t Kill The Spider… Just Take It Outside”

After the date, I told her

“I want to see you

“As often as I see

“Google search, page 2”

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Words Hurt

I wonder if the guidance counselor

At Hitler’s Alma Mater

Told him to “Just be yourself”

And then regretted it later.

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A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor

She offered me a sandwich

And I said “Thank you dear.”

She sighed and asked “What would you do

“If I were to disappear?”

I said “I’d eat steak every day

“And be left with much more money.”

She scowled, so I bought her jewelry

And now she thinks I’m funny.

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