Tag Archives: Travesty

DEFENSELESS FOOLS!!!

People are trying to ban firearms

As if they could assume

That they wouldn’t need a gun

If a spider came in their room…

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Wise Men Know How To Stall

For every man there comes a day

When he must expel waste

And, being in a hurry,

Seeks to urinate with haste.

Soon after, they discover

As their throat fill up with phlegm

That their quest will be a failure…

Someone’s peeing next to them.

They stand in awkward silence,

As the urinals don’t sing

For as much as they both need to

They cannot eject a thing

And thus they close their zippers

And proceed to wash their hands

And go on with screaming bladders

To fulfill their life’s demands.

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Oregon Love (Or Why you Shouldn’t Settle For The First Pretty Face)

Her eyes were blue as Crater Lake,

Her breasts were like Mount Hood.

Her hair fell like Multnomah Falls

And all these things were good.

I held her hand and felt as big

And strong as Haystack Rock

Until my wife came home that night

And smacked me with her cock.

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World Peace, Step One

I saw a guy driving today

Who had a sign in their back window:

“Please stay back,

“New stick shift driver.”

I’m putting that in the back window

Of every car I buy

From this day forward.

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Wheb Dreabs Cobe True

As a kid I brushed my teeth

And dreamt of hockey fame.

I knew I’d be the greatest guy

To ever play the game.

I’d pass and score and block and fight

And win for many reasons

And earn a dozen Stanley Cups

And play for forty seasons!

So, four years old, I tied my skates

And pulled on my first sweater

And grabbed a stick and shin guards

Determined to get better.

I played left wing ’til high school

Then swapped to play the right.

I shot and passed and blocked a lot

And even had a fight!

I went to play in the NHL

And was drafted thirty-second.

The success that I’d achieved

Was better than I reckoned.

For sixteen years I scored the goals

And dropped the gloves and won.

I never got a Stanley Cup

But I had lots of fun!

And now I sleep, a different man,

Amidst the moonlit hush

Without the need for childish dreams

And without teeth to brush.

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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When Friends Need To Vent

If you feel empty inside

Just take away the “E”

And you can feel mpty instead.

Or, alternatively

Take away the “Y”

And feel emp-t (and misled).

If you take away

The “E,” “P,” and “Y”

You feel mt, and that’s fine.

But if you say nothing

Your words won’t be empty

And we won’t have to hear you whine.

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