Tag Archives: Travesty

The North and the South

If you’re the type of fancy guy

Who calls pink things “magenta”

Then I can cook you up a bowl

Of “Fancy-Guy Polenta.”

But if you’re the type of guy

Who shoots and drinks and spits

I’ll fry it up for half the price

And call it “Good Ol’ Grits.”

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When You Think “That Would Rhyme Well,” Realize You Were Wrong, And Don’t Fix It

There once was a man named Jared Russ

Who was fond of munching canned asparagus.

He ate it all the time

But for lack of a rhyme

Often said things were Ceteris Parabus.

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Things No One Has Ever Said In The History Of Everything

“My wife needs more pillows.”

“That mullet looks great!”

“Soccer’s exciting.”

“The world needs more hate.”

“Pink armpit hair’s hot.”

“I got a job with my arts degree.”

“I wish that I had gotten caught.”

“I really, super don’t have to pee.”

“I really hate inner tubes.”

“That was a great United flight.”

“She’d look better with smaller boobs.”

“The valedictorian’s getting laid tonight!”

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And Why Hasn’t Japan Followed Suit?

Sometimes I watch the Stars and Stripes,

The symbol of American rule of law

And wonder who first thought “Hey!

“That would look good as a bra!”

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Size Matters

Bigger is better in terms of pianos,

4×4’s, salaries, and dicks.

But smaller is better in the eyes of go-getters

When it comes to the waist size of chicks.

——————————————————–

Bigger is better, the man would insist

When it comes to masculine stuff

Because those said men have never had things

That were, in our eyes, big enough.

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Meanwhile Someone Is Eating Water And Watching Their IQ Rise

The roses are dead.

The violets are too.

Someone swapped the water

With adhesive glue.

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In Case You’d Forgotten

Back in the Western USA

In 1800 somethin’

A couple cowboys realized

Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.

The cowboys had been life long friends

And though they both were male

They rode to Brokeback Mountain

And they gave up on the trail.

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

We used to have some cowboys

To protect our town from raids,

But now we have to check

Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!

They use to be quick to the draw

But now they have more fun

With the sheathing than the drawing

Of their aforementioned gun!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

One cowboy found his saddle’s

Grown less comfortable with time. He

Found this was the case

Unless their romance they would stymie.

But the cowboys needed horses

Like they found they needed lasses

And they replaced their ponies

With one another’s (whoaaa!)

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

Yodel

Oodle

Yodel

Adel

Odel

Soooooooo…

Doooooooo…

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

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