Tag Archives: Travesty

Wisdom of the Elements

I roasted marshmallows on an open fire

And the poofed up soft and gold.

I roasted them over a vat of ice

And they sat unchanged. I’m told

That fire and ice are equals

And, while true, it must be said

That camping is better with fire than ice.

Now enlightened, go ye to bed.

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When Rest Isn’t Restful

Thus the long weekend

Comes to a close.

We’ve done nothing for days

So why d’you suppose

We’re tired and cranky

And feeling frustration

And wanting time off

From our latest vacation?

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French Geography, German Efficiency

There once was a limerick from Nice

That was astonishingly concise.

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The Day God Made Africa?

And on the twenty-second day

God said “Let 99 men moisten the grass

“And the hundredth man you shall eschew”.

Even then it was widely known

That one hundred men or more

Could never dew.

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There once was a comic detective

Who had a unique bat perspective.

He had gadgets and jokes

‘Til the Hollywood folks

Said “Do more, but the fun is defective.”

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Empathy Is For Other People

Sometimes I think I have a lot

Upon my figurative plate

Because I have so little time

And go to sleep too late

And then I see somebody

Working nineteen hours for minimal pay

And I go home just thinking

“What flavor pizza should I get today?”

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Classic vs. Modern Openings

Some heroes wear capes;

Some villains wear capes too;

This is effectively the same poem as

“Roses are red, violets are blue.”

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Dr. Strangelove 2, Or How The Bomb Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Herself

I wanted to ask a guy to the prom

But alas I’m a thermonuclear bomb.

Were I to go out in a pretty pink dress

I’d make the whole world feel considerable stress

And instead of the dancing and sighing and kissing

Everyone would shout “Hey, there’s a warhead that’s missing”

And before I’d say “Chill guys, you’re all being dumb”

They’d put me back with the uranium.

And so in my bunker I cry and I dream

Of a man who will see me for more than I seem,

Who’ll sweep me away for one memorable night

Even though afterwards the world won’t be alright…

But maybe a man cannot make me complete

And instead I’ll be happy as radiant heat?

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We Don’t Play To Use Effort… That’s Just Work

I found a fun video game

That simulates many ways to die.

The designers overlooked the simple fact

That survival means I’d have to try.

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Double-O One Through Six

There was a fantabulous spy

Who was put in a death trap to die.

His life then did cease

And the world knew no peace.

If you’ve never heard of him, that’s why.

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