Tag Archives: Travesty

College Life (AKA the Sin Inn)

When you give a kid a scholarship

To live away from home

Where kids are doing naughty stuff

The “scholar” says “when in Rome!”

And thus begins the dorm life,

Debauchery, and boozing,

Where pipes are not for water

And beds are not for snoozing,

Where you can study english,

Philosophy, or anthropology

But still spend evenings studying

The opposite sex’s biology.

Mom and Daddy pay for this,

So you can unguiltily be bad

And get a job at Wendy’s

While not getting shot by Wendy’s Dad.

All this pleasure comes to you

For only a few hundred K of loans,

So send your applications now!

(That or just play on your phones).


Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Feelings On Peaceful Protest

There is no force that’s stronger,

No emotion that’s more real,

Than the utter nothingness

Your complaining makes me feel.

There’s nothing within my heart,

Through whose beating I live,

More mighty than the many fucks

I really do not give.

Some see your signs and wonder

And some your cause will join.

I think “wait or hit the gas?”

Then smile and flip a coin.

So if you feel like marching

There’s at least one who won’t sway

And if you see a Ford Ranger

You’d be wise to move away.


Filed under Poems

And, Somewhere, A Naked Professor Sheds A Tear Over His Sushi And Immediately Regrets It…

If wishes were fishes

We’d eat way more trout,

If thoughts were diplomas

We’d have much more clout,

If logic were clothing

We’d mostly be nude,

But if teardrops were onions

We’d really be screwed.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

High Noooooo Thank You!

He strode into town,

A wayfaring stranger,

His haunting black eyes

An invitation to danger.

The gun on his belt

Had been recently shot.

“Seems like a bit

“Too much trouble,” I thought.

So as he turned left

And hitched up his horse

I turned to the right

And continued that course

‘Til I got to the city

And started to grin

Knowing that was a Western

I wouldn’t be in.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I Tried To Write A Blues Song…

If the fact that night’s black

Somehow strikes you as racist,

If you’ve slacked off on the lotion

And your skin has a cray cyst,

If you drink green smoothies

And fly “coexist” kites

You may not have the blues

But you’ve sure got the whites.

When your three-year-old son

Tells you “Daddy, I’m gay”

And your instagram buddies

Say “Hashtag-OMG-yay!”

If you’re upset you don’t need

To fight for your rights

Then I’m sorry my friend

But you may have the whites.

If Samuel L. Jackson’s

Your “number one bro,”

You think its fine to say “moron”

But not to call someone “slow,”

If you think the dragon’s

Misunderstood by the knights

Then give your friends sunglasses

‘Cause you’ve got the whites.

But if you’ve got the whites

There’s no need to be sad.

It’s not your fault your existence

Makes everything bad.

One day we won’t judge people

Based on sex, race, or fat…

If only all the fat rich white males

Could understand that!


Filed under Lyrics, Poems

Live and Learn

Your face in my vision

With such precision,

A sight I’ll never forget;

How your eyes met mine

At 12:09…

The feeling’s not left me yet.

I realized two truths

That night in Duluth

As to your house we started walking:

The telescope seller was good,

I fall when hit by a block of wood,

And legally my actions could be called “stalking.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

21st Century Music

There once was a popular band

Whose singer was pretty but bland.

The sales started to fall

Until for one and all

She showed off a mammary gland.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems