Tag Archives: Travesty

Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…

I wanted to take a moment

To tell you I adore

The way you walk, the way you talk,

The way you smile. What’s more

I wanted to appreciate

How kind you are to me.

Like rain in Spring, new life you bring

To everyone you see!

You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,

As well as smart and brave.

You’re a man no woman can

Deny she’s always craved.

I think you’re the pinnacle

Of manliness. So there!

But I can’t go to see that show

‘Cause I have to wash my hair.

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Wind Chimes

Sometime in the distant past

Somebody’s wife I suppose

Decided to hang a bunch of pipes

So whenever the wind blows

It makes the sound of a little kid

Assaulting a glockenspiel

And she sold these things for thirty bucks

And I don’t know how I feel…*

*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.

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If You Didn’t Say “Word” After This, You Ain’t Black

I was in the white house and I was like “Hey

“Let’s inject everybody with some MRNA.”

And the people who know science was all up like “Nah”

But the uneducated populace was like “Vax up brah.”

I know you MAGA people be on Instagram hatin’

On how my administration is fixated on mandatin’

Figurin’ it isn’t shots but God who gives you redemption,

But my bureaucrats denyin’ your religious exemption!

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The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry

Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters

I get a temptation that of me can get the better:

You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…

Heeeeeey Macarena!

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To Serve and Protect…

Women live longer

Than men, this is true,

But how many women

Say “I’d die for you”?

Men on the other hand

Say it a lot,

So men must die younger

‘Cause women are hot.

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The New Normal

Conforming is courage.

Sameness is unique.

Silence is violence

So we all must speak,

But if you speak other

Than what we agree

The only conclusion

Is patriarchy!

Everyone’s special

Except for the whites

And all men, plus women

Who want to have rights.

Such people are dangers

To our peaceful views

Unless they are silenced

By endless bad news.

“The truth” is old-fashioned.

“Your truth” will prevail.

If there are no winners

Then no one can fail!

So dye your hair purple

And get your tattoos

And be one of us rebels

Who share the same views.

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The Worst Speech In The History Of Speeches, Maybe Ever

Roses are red.

Biden is tired.

The guy who holds his “applause” sign

Apparently got fired.

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After Colonoscopy Comes Horoscopy

The nurse said “I’m Aquarius!”

The lab tech said “I’m Virgo!”

I said “I’m a Cancer!”

The doctor said “I know.”

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Coping

I’m reading a book recommended to me

By a woman whom I once adored.

I’m reading, avoiding inviting the world

For the world leaves me feeling ignored.

I make friends with a spider I’m terrified of

Who lives on my white bedroom wall;

I know he deserves life as much as I do

Even though he is creepy and small.

I’m wearing soft clothing, lying and waiting

And writing a poem in bed,

Remembering over and over forever

The words that I felt and I said.

I’m hearing the lawnmower, water through pipes,

The cars on the road passing by

Destined to be somewhere other than here

And I can’t help my wondering why.

Why is the grass not allowed to be growing?

Why must the spider bring fear?

Why do the people drive quickly to elsewhere

When they know they will end up back here?

Why do I care for an author’s opinion?

Why can’t I love people less?

All I can do is get up and keep smiling

And be me: a beautiful mess.

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Oooh Yeah… Daddy Sauron Is Goblin Me Up…

I some some little known facts

About some popular things,

Like how in the very first draft

Of Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings”

Mount Doom was not a volcano

But instead a magnificent gorge

In which Sauron demanded

His orcs run a magical forge.

Luckily, one clever editor

Got to give his final say:

“I think the ‘quest to Orc-Chasm‘

“Could be said in a most awkward way.”

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