I wanted to take a moment
To tell you I adore
The way you walk, the way you talk,
The way you smile. What’s more
I wanted to appreciate
How kind you are to me.
Like rain in Spring, new life you bring
To everyone you see!
You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,
As well as smart and brave.
You’re a man no woman can
Deny she’s always craved.
I think you’re the pinnacle
Of manliness. So there!
But I can’t go to see that show
‘Cause I have to wash my hair.
Filed under Poems
Sometime in the distant past
Somebody’s wife I suppose
Decided to hang a bunch of pipes
So whenever the wind blows
It makes the sound of a little kid
Assaulting a glockenspiel
And she sold these things for thirty bucks
And I don’t know how I feel…*
*That’s a lie. I love them. They are wonderful.
I was in the white house and I was like “Hey
“Let’s inject everybody with some MRNA.”
And the people who know science was all up like “Nah”
But the uneducated populace was like “Vax up brah.”
I know you MAGA people be on Instagram hatin’
On how my administration is fixated on mandatin’
Figurin’ it isn’t shots but God who gives you redemption,
But my bureaucrats denyin’ your religious exemption!
Filed under Poems
Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters
I get a temptation that of me can get the better:
You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…
Heeeeeey Macarena!
Filed under Poems
Women live longer
Than men, this is true,
But how many women
Say “I’d die for you”?
Men on the other hand
Say it a lot,
So men must die younger
‘Cause women are hot.
Filed under Poems
Conforming is courage.
Sameness is unique.
Silence is violence
So we all must speak,
But if you speak other
Than what we agree
The only conclusion
Is patriarchy!
Everyone’s special
Except for the whites
And all men, plus women
Who want to have rights.
Such people are dangers
To our peaceful views
Unless they are silenced
By endless bad news.
“The truth” is old-fashioned.
“Your truth” will prevail.
If there are no winners
Then no one can fail!
So dye your hair purple
And get your tattoos
And be one of us rebels
Who share the same views.
Filed under Poems
Roses are red.
Biden is tired.
The guy who holds his “applause” sign
Apparently got fired.
Filed under Poems
The nurse said “I’m Aquarius!”
The lab tech said “I’m Virgo!”
I said “I’m a Cancer!”
The doctor said “I know.”
Filed under Poems
I’m reading a book recommended to me
By a woman whom I once adored.
I’m reading, avoiding inviting the world
For the world leaves me feeling ignored.
I make friends with a spider I’m terrified of
Who lives on my white bedroom wall;
I know he deserves life as much as I do
Even though he is creepy and small.
I’m wearing soft clothing, lying and waiting
And writing a poem in bed,
Remembering over and over forever
The words that I felt and I said.
I’m hearing the lawnmower, water through pipes,
The cars on the road passing by
Destined to be somewhere other than here
And I can’t help my wondering why.
Why is the grass not allowed to be growing?
Why must the spider bring fear?
Why do the people drive quickly to elsewhere
When they know they will end up back here?
Why do I care for an author’s opinion?
Why can’t I love people less?
All I can do is get up and keep smiling
And be me: a beautiful mess.
Filed under Poems
I some some little known facts
About some popular things,
Like how in the very first draft
Of Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings”
Mount Doom was not a volcano
But instead a magnificent gorge
In which Sauron demanded
His orcs run a magical forge.
Luckily, one clever editor
Got to give his final say:
“I think the ‘quest to Orc-Chasm‘
“Could be said in a most awkward way.”
Filed under Poems
