There was a guy with short, dark hair
Who lived in the middle of nowhere.
Then a bad guy came to town
And some anarchy went down.
The guy was told about the event
So he spurred his horse and off he went
To meet the jerk who scared the meek
And also the one girl who gets to speak.
A lot of folks will die, of course,
While riding nowhere on a horse.
There will be a fateful fight
Before guy rides off into the light.
I checked into a hotel room
That was almost six feet tall,
Weighed 180 pounds
And once was very small.
I used it for one happy day
To run around the world
Then checked out in the evening
As on a bed it curled.
I checked back in tomorrow
But found it was today
And the room I’d left behind me
Was mostly still okay.
I expect to keep this up
For quite a while yet
For, being an ambitious ghost,
It’s the best that I can get.
I almost paid 500 dollars
To a pair of thugs in leather collars
For a bag of powder from a vault
That turned out to be garlic salt.
But alas, I’d no such luck;
They didn’t a single buck.
Instead they made me walk away
With tickets to the WNBA.
They should clone Queen Elizabeth
14 billion times
So we can all have immortal bodyguards…
It’s true and it rhymes!
There once was a Peruvian prince
Who wore a gold pair of nez pince.
He said “I have seen
“Info about Jeff Epstein,”
And no one has heard from him since…
The Genie asked, “What’s your last wish?”
I said, “I wanna fly!”
It got eaten by a frog
And now I enunciate more clearly.
Some people are happy to be born in July
But I say those people are wrong;
Objectively, a January birthday is the best
‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.
No one will evacuate
For Hurricane Irma or Steve.
Those aren’t the type of names
That make Floridians leave.
I think we need more hurricanes
Like Hurricane Buried Alive,
Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.
They said they found the car for me,
Right in my price range.
A week later I totaled it
When I got an oil change.