Tag Archives: Travesty

Checkmate, Libertarians!

Anyone who says taxes

Are not part of nature’s desire

Has never put a pair of socks

Into any sort of a dryer.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…

Sometimes I look in the mirror

And see myself staring at me,

And when I clean the glass it gets clearer

And I know it’s my face that I see

And I look at myself and think “Wow!

“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”

And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive

And thus space out when you start talking.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Enough Of Pthis Greek Shipt

There once was a guy named Ptolemy

Who was ptaller than just about any ptree.

And wouldn’pt you know it

I don’pt have a punchline

But I pthink you get the tpoint.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Erudition and Emission

When children attempt to be smart

They turn first to reading and art.

Then they learn “flatulence“

Rhymes with nothing but “spatulence”

And thus they resume saying fart.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Imagery…

He said “Hey there baby.

“Want to date a carpenter?”

She said “I would rather

“French kiss a pencil sharpener.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

This Is A Lazy Poem Unless You Work At A Stuffed Animal Factory

Today I was busy

And did lots of stuff

So I went back home

And pumped out this fluff.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Sophie’s Choice

Sophie was an average girl

With fairly average likes;

Fond of wine and dogs and soap

And mental health and hikes.

One day she was kidnapped

By a disembodied voice

Who told her she would surely die

Unless she made the choice:

Would she rather kiss someone

Who smelled liked a catcher’s mitt

That had been soaked in sour milk

And armadillo spit

While treading water in a pool

Of acid, hot as Hades

And listening to Kenny G

Play highlights of the eighties

While the Devil lit a match

And burned off all her hair…

Or, when asked where she’d like to eat

To not say “I don’t care.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Your Daily Self-Esteem Boost

You haven’t hit much;

Your life is all misses

But you can still write a poem

That’s better than this is.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Also Starring: Ikea Furniture, Bad Decisions, Musclebound Shirtless Guys Who Talk About Feelings… Waaaaiiiiiit…

If they rebooted “Fight Club“

With an all-female cast

It would feature Taylor Durden

Remembering her past

When she and thousands of women

From different means and ends

Got together in a basement

And pretended to be friends

Until at last they’d had enough

And used some dynamite

To blow up buildings, and then were like

“Becky’s so cringe, right?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Also: Free Healthcare, Renewable Energy, And The Gyms Pay YOU

What if all the billionaires

Just stood out on the street

And walked around in circles

And challenged everyone they’d meet

To have a Pokemon battle

That they would surely lose

And give the winner money?

But alas, they’re only jews.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems