Tag Archives: Travesty

How The West Was Won

There was a guy with short, dark hair

Who lived in the middle of nowhere.

Then a bad guy came to town

And some anarchy went down.

The guy was told about the event

So he spurred his horse and off he went

To meet the jerk who scared the meek

And also the one girl who gets to speak.

A lot of folks will die, of course,

While riding nowhere on a horse.

There will be a fateful fight

Before guy rides off into the light.

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That Feels Possessive…

I checked into a hotel room

That was almost six feet tall,

Weighed 180 pounds

And once was very small.

I used it for one happy day

To run around the world

Then checked out in the evening

As on a bed it curled.

I checked back in tomorrow

But found it was today

And the room I’d left behind me

Was mostly still okay.

I expect to keep this up

For quite a while yet

For, being an ambitious ghost,

It’s the best that I can get.

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Perils Of The Ghetto

I almost paid 500 dollars

To a pair of thugs in leather collars

For a bag of powder from a vault

That turned out to be garlic salt.

But alas, I’d no such luck;

They didn’t a single buck.

Instead they made me walk away

With tickets to the WNBA.

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My Solution To School Shootings (Until They Clone Chuck Norris)

They should clone Queen Elizabeth

14 billion times

So we can all have immortal bodyguards…

It’s true and it rhymes!

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In Recent News…

There once was a Peruvian prince

Who wore a gold pair of nez pince.

He said “I have seen

“Info about Jeff Epstein,”

And no one has heard from him since…

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Nostalgia For Days Less Wordy

I am a man who’s mostly fluent

In most things some call “incongruent.”

If you don’t swallow, you shall spewn’t.

Also, I’m not Clyde.

I hope the intro set the scene

For me to tell you what has been;

This time’s the time I met my queen,

My once and future bride.

My eyes fell softly on the wench

Who sat backwards upon a bench,

Talking to a crescent wrench

About which bands were good.

I asked the lady, “How be it

“That you who speak to hardware sit

“With legs ensconced, I do admit,

“Within that bench of wood?”

She did not reply at first,

For my manners were near the worst,

And I, my oversight, then cursed

And then addressed the tool.

Now seeing that I understood,

She said “I’m trapped within the wood

“Because I wondered if I could.”

Now I felt like a fool

And so I left her trapped within

The bench where didst our tale begin,

For sitting backwards is no sin

But merely hard to grasp.

She’s still my queen and future bride,

For I speak truth and have not lied.

When she is free, and bathed beside,

Her body I will clasp.

For who better to share a life,

Who better to be made a wife,

Than one, though trapped, can feel no strife

Though physics she has broken?

And who, from her odd point of view

Can feel a love so strong and true

Than not Clyde, whose hair isn’t blue,

Who made her heart awoken?

This tale has a moral, yes,

So close your eyes and take a guess.

Your eyes are closed… how read you this?

Anyway, I boast

That this here incongruent verse

Tells you, dear reader, of my curse

And that there are things so much worse

Than a lazy, four-line post.

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Live ‘n Learn

The Genie asked, “What’s your last wish?”

I said, “I wanna fly!”

It got eaten by a frog

And now I enunciate more clearly.

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SCIENCE!

Some people are happy to be born in July

But I say those people are wrong;

Objectively, a January birthday is the best

‘Cause then you don’t have to wait as long.

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That Last One Will Hit You All Over The Place

No one will evacuate

For Hurricane Irma or Steve.

Those aren’t the type of names

That make Floridians leave.

I think we need more hurricanes

Like Hurricane Buried Alive,

Hurricane Dirt-On-The-Clintons,

Or Hurricane Black-Guy-High-Five.

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Poet Who Kicked Tires Hospitalized With Foot Injury

They said they found the car for me,

Right in my price range.

A week later I totaled it

When I got an oil change.

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