If you’re afraid someone might think
That you’re sort of a d*ck
Then emulate the mainstream news
And use this little tr*ck
Wherein you take a common word
Like ch*cken, sn*ke, or d*sc
And replace one relevant l*tter
With a h*ndy asterisk!
N*body can blame you
Or say you’re being r*de
‘Cause words like f*ck and bullsh*t
Are not, in themselves cr*de.
Don’t w*rry about the fact
That you can read all this just f*ne:
What m*tters is that readers
Know you h*ven’t got a sp*ne.
Filed under Poems
Children’s books today address
Bullying and gender
And how to make vegan, non-fat,
Pastrami in a blender.
Children’s books in my day
Were like “Bears go to the beach,”
And “Here’s a story ’bout some kid
“With an enormous peach.”
If wishes were horses
The poor would ride.
If wishes were tigers
The poor would hide.
If wishes were wives
The poor would go fishing.
If wishes were were lawyers
I wish we’d quit wishing.
Filed under Poems
I asked my mom, the keyboard,
Who her favorite child was.
She said, “I have no favorite
“And the reason is because
“I love all my kids the same.
“They’re all precious to me.”
And everyone believed her
Except the right “SHIFT” key.
Filed under Poems
I use to think that crack cocaine
Was a terrible social ill,
Until the other type of Coke
Reclaimed the top of the hill
By training its employees
That they should be “less white.”
If folks buy crack then c’est la vie
But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.
Filed under Poems
There once was a bear with her cub
At the front of the line at the club.
Neither wore clothing,
And the club started closing
So I pulled out my .38 snub…
Filed under Poems
Yet another sign
That our publics schools suck ass:
They have a grading rubric
For a “creative writing” class.
Filed under Poems
I’m 8 “Likes” away from 21,000
In the history of my blog.
My heart is very excited
And my soul is like a dog.
If 8 more people like my crap
I’ll finally achieve my goal
Of getting as many likes as a girl
Who posts dancing pics with a pole.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
“Prove that genies aren’t real!”
Demanded my stepbrother, Buzz.
“The greatest proof genies don’t exist
“Is that single-ply toilet paper still does.”
Filed under Poems
When one has blogged as much as I
One comes to realize
A lot of the view’s one’s blog receives
Come not from human eyes
But from advertising robots
That search for stuff that’s trending
Like Biden, Bitcoin, Keto, Xbox,
And how the world is ending.
Make this go viral… I dare you : )
Filed under Poems
