Tag Archives: Travesty

When She Says “Don’t Kill The Spider… Just Take It Outside”

After the date, I told her

“I want to see you

“As often as I see

“Google search, page 2”


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Words Hurt

I wonder if the guidance counselor

At Hitler’s Alma Mater

Told him to “Just be yourself”

And then regretted it later.

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A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor

She offered me a sandwich

And I said “Thank you dear.”

She sighed and asked “What would you do

“If I were to disappear?”

I said “I’d eat steak every day

“And be left with much more money.”

She scowled, so I bought her jewelry

And now she thinks I’m funny.

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Watching the Debates

What you need to know about ducks

Is not as important as the fact

That every day a million fish

Are, by some birds, attacked.

Those fish cannot defend themselves

Against these violent birds

Ands it’s time for us to take a stand

And learn to use our words.

When I held political office

In a non-avian related capacity

I realized that my constituents

Viewed me as a guy with sagacity.

Because of that, I make my case

That fish deserve love too

So vote for me in 2020

And also ducks. Thank you!

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Why Mufasa Has A Handkerchief

Simba’s nose was stuffy,

And that became an issue

When the only Kleenex he could find

Was, alas, Scar tissue.

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Disclaimer: This Poem Is False… My Wife Takes A Half Marathon

My wife stole 5,280 feet

On our honeymoon cruise down the Nile.

But that’s really ok,

‘Cause you know what they say:

Give her an inch and she’ll take a mile.

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Why Philosophers Don’t Flirt (Cogito Ergo Sumthin’)

I saw Descartes sitting at the bar.

I asked “Can I buy you a beer?”

Descartes replied “I think not,”

Then I watched him disappear.

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