Yes, I Stayed Home And Ate Ice Cream Tonight… Why Do You Ask?

I love you like a cat loves a laser

Or a box or a chair or a lap

Or a keyboard, a pillow, in front of the door,

Or wherever else it takes a nap.

I love you like a cat loves to poop

And the bury its crap in the sand,

And its talking like this that makes men like me

In relentless romantic demand.