Tag Archives: Stupid

In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice

I use to think that crack cocaine

Was a terrible social ill,

Until the other type of Coke

Reclaimed the top of the hill

By training its employees

That they should be “less white.”

If folks buy crack then c’est la vie

But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.

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Crime Pays Everyone But Me

People lose millions of dollars a day

To people with terrible grammar,

So I figured “Hey, I seem stupid sometimes

“So why shouldn’t I be a scammer?”

I sent out an email to millions of people

Saying “I could have stolen a stack

“But instead I abstained from stealing your money

“So to say thanks, could you send some back?”

That was on Monday and now it is Friday

And I’m not sure if scams like this work…

So now you’re aware of why criminals steal:

It’s ’cause you’re a miserly jerk!

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Eau Know! Knot Yew Two!

There once was a fellow from Prague

Who went for a leisurely jague.

He ran for a while

With a big happy smhile

But, alas, he fell into a bague.

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Sheer Will Can Only Go So Far

Tonight I have no topics

To write a poem about…

But will that stop me? Never!

I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!

No force of man or nature

Can stop me writing junk.

As big tech corporations say:

“It’s a feature, not a funk.”

In fact, when I’m inspired

I might settle for one stanza

About something that sounds funny

Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.

But today, despite my lack

Of anything resembling a point

I wrote a lengthy poem

And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.

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Grief + Caffeine =

Woe is me, woe is me

For my true love is dead.

She woke up one morning

With one fewer head.

It cannot be real!

It must be a fake!

I’m angry as hell

Thanks to someone’s mistake!

Oh, what would I give

To return her to life?

Oh what’s the use anyway?

Let’s get on with life.

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X-1 Teachers

If two trains depart at identical hours

Traveling towards one another

On parallel tracks, both carrying snacks

For the opposite engineer’s mother

When first they pass one another

At speeds varying by a factor of 5

How long will it take before students

Make their teacher no longer alive?

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Allie Be Like “OMG It’s Like They’re Reading My Mind!”

A twenty-year-old white girl asked

Why mice seek out a trap.

Then she smiled and sang along

To ALL the gangster rap!

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Modern Art

Harry stood on stage,

Took a deep breath,

And said, “The,” for forty days.

Every day another voice joined

For eleven and a half weeks.

On the forty first day,

Harry stood on stage,

Took another deep breath,

And said, “World,”

And the followers waited a day

Before echoing him.

And so it was that Harry

And the multitude who came after

Sang a round, “The World,” in eighty days.

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Both are Mostly Empty…

“Airhead’s an offensive term,”

Said my girlfriend of 30 days.

I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”

Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”

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For Those Who Missed The Metaphor, The Dragon Is Poverty

The dragon was coming

To Farawayshire

To eat many virgins

And breathe lots of fire.

The lord of the town said

“‘Fraid of dragons we aint,

“For I have procured us

“A fireproof paint!”

And so people painted

The roofs and the walls

Or the houses and stables

And castles and malls

Until the Lord said

With the smallest of sneezes,

“Cease painting at once

“For it causes diseases.”

The paint, it so happened

Did cause minor distress

To persons named Remington,

Fleischmann, and Hess.

Those with such names

Of course caused quite a fuss

While the rest of the town

Wondered, “What about us?

“The dragon is coming!

“How will we survive?

“Sure, a few will be sickened

“But we’ll be alive!”

The mayor just laughed

And he said with a tsk…

“What’s a few teeth and fire

“When our health is at risk?”

And, for some reason, this

Made the citizens calm

And await coming dragons

With nary a qualm.

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