Tag Archives: Stupid

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This poem isn’t very deep

Because I need to fall asleep.

Tomorrow I’ll do it earlier,

Like a man who goes to the gym at 5:00 AM to get burlier.

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The Downside Of A Big Cock

If chickens were the size of whales

We’d cure hunger with one egg.

No one would ever starve again

Or ever have to beg.

We’d have a peaceful planet

With everything we need

Until we learn the bitter truth:

We’d soon be chicken feed…

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Some Assembly Required

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Though it was obvious Humpty would die

Still the king said, “Give the horses a try!”

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Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)

Mercury is number one,

Venus is where women are from,

Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,

Jupiter is the color of plum,

Saturn has a bunch of rings,

Uranus is full of gas and things,

Neptune’s famed for icy springs,

And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.

But you probably noticed the dearth

Of a line about the Earth

Because it is devoid of mirth

And is the only planet with Colin Firth.

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One Joke Too Far

I walked up to my teacher

When I was eight years old

And smiled widely and said this,

Or so I have been told:

“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog

“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?

“He was afraid of too much mush room.”

That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.

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Things That Lasted Waaay Too Long

First there was Vietnam

Then the second gulf war…

Now I’m curious how many years

The Amber Heard trial goes for.

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Happy Delusions

If I had a pet stegosaurus

I think I would name it Boris

And until someone finked

That he was extinct

My family would really adore us.

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I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…

Portable DVD player

Why are you useless?

You should make life easier

But instead cause us stress.

I wish I could shoot you

In the face with a gun

But you don’t even have a face…

Another reason you’re no fun.

I’m writing this ode to you

As a professional IT person

Tries to make you work at all

Yet the situation does still worsen.

You are naughty, bad, and stupid

And a big mean jerk

But I’d rescind those judgements

If you’d just freakin’ work.

A part of me is fearful now

This poem will not end

Because you are our tech enemy

And not our entertainment friend.

Don’t you see the pain you’re causing

Readers of this blog?

All this to watch a DVD…

What a somber slog.

I would skip ahead in time

To tell you how this ends

But if we made a graph of progress

And analyzed the line of trends

I think the universe would end

In heat death before long

So just sing this poem over and over

Like the 99 bottles of beer song.

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But They Still Need Taxes?

“What comes up must come down”

My teacher told me with a frown,

But here’s a thing that I don’t get:

Why isn’t that true for government debt?

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Only Washingtonians Will Appreciate The Absurdity

Today it rained in the morning,

From dawn ‘til the sunset was yella’

And I saw the craziest out-of-town guy

Who for some reason had an umbrella!

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