Tag Archives: Stupid

Hey Batter Batter…

I’m my softball league’s head chef;

For optimal nutrition

I like to make a Bundt cake

To get guys in a scoring position.

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Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature

It’s nice to know

In this day and age

Time Magazine will

Give you the front page

And give you the title

“Person of the year”

For being perturbed

Where rich people can hear.

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Distressed Jeans of History, Vol. 1

An Ancient Greek found trousers

With holes torn in the knees.

He held them up for passers-by

Asking, “Euripides?”

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Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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When All The Good Men Are 5’11”

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 10

She’ll happily be his Barbie

And he will be her Ken.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 20

She will call him Sugarplum

And he will call her Honey.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes thirty

You can guarantee that they’ll

Be eager to talk dirty.

If a man makes 40k

And she makes 41

Shame on her for dating down!

Their relationship is done.

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The American Way

You haven’t thought of pickles today

And you haven’t jumped a rope.

You haven’t kissed an armadillo

And you’ll never be the pope.

Your eyes aren’t orange like cinnamon

And you have a tooth smaller than your knee,

But if we voted for a different guy

You’ll probably disagree.

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Math Meets Meth

They said “Name every number.”

I said “Paul.”

They couldn’t refute my argument

And, thus, that was all.

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