Tag Archives: Stupid

The Benefits Of Not Being Tan

In a world without coyotes

And a scarcity of ginger ale

I’d take comfort in the notion

That my legs would still be pale.

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First Graders Be Like…

Some like it hot.

Some like it cold.

Some people just learned how to change the font color.

And also make text bold.

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Priorities

If you put your life on the line

To defend our nation

You get one day for

A long weekend vacation.

If you decide

“Everyone turns me on”

You get all of June

To be praised unto dawn.

But whether you’re mad

That the alphabet crew

Get a month, or that veterans

Kinda get screwed

What we must remember

With all we hold dear

Is that China gives bunnies

A whole freakin’ year!

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Requires At Least 18 Years Of Continuous Experience In This Gender

We’ve finally reached the fated day

Where your date presents a resume

And you have to ask her in detail

About the gap in her experience as a female

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Wisdom of the Elements

I roasted marshmallows on an open fire

And the poofed up soft and gold.

I roasted them over a vat of ice

And they sat unchanged. I’m told

That fire and ice are equals

And, while true, it must be said

That camping is better with fire than ice.

Now enlightened, go ye to bed.

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Double-O One Through Six

There was a fantabulous spy

Who was put in a death trap to die.

His life then did cease

And the world knew no peace.

If you’ve never heard of him, that’s why.

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“Noble”

There once was a noble chihuahua

Whose owner was trapped in the shower.

He flew like an ace

To bite her on the face

Then barked nonstop for 24 hours.

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Travelogue, Volume 2

I flew home on a plane through the air

Then I drove in a car on a road.

Now I’m sitting butt-down on a chair

And my creativity has yet to fully load.

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Empathy

If everybody in the world

Could be a fish for just one day

I think we’d finally be able to make

Gas station sushi go away.

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Travel Traditions

I flew on a plane to New Orleans

And by now you know what that means:

I’m probably tired, and pleased to report

That this poem is late and also is short.

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