Tag Archives: Stupid

How To Write A Superbowl Ad

You start out with a robot

That’s been made with CGI

Who says one beer is best

With no compelling reason why.

Next you strip the advertisement

Of anything resembling humor

So you don’t provoke the many

With an “I’m Offended” tumor.

Then say “We love social justice

“So you should buy our calamari”

With the sincerity of a five-year-old

When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”

The result’s an advertisement

To appeal to a mob

That hates all corporations

But still needs them for their job.

I hope next year’s Sportsball expo

Doesn’t try to be so “woke”

And the 2020 vegans

Are prepared to take a joke.

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Sincerely, God

There’s a billion folks in poverty.

A billion more are sick.

Every day a million innocents

Will fall for dirty tricks.

Homeless folks are freezing

And millions have no food

But you made a cross at halftime

So I’ve got you, football dude!

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If I’d Written This Ten Years Ago I’d Be A Prophet

As Booth did to Lincoln

And school did to fun

I fear that to music

Will quite soon be done.

If you flip the radio

(Or whichever app’s in now)

You’ll find to enunciate

Is practically sin now.

To play any chords

Besides 1, 5, 6, and 4

Makes the average listener

Call such songs a snore

And no matter the genre

You will find bits of rap.

Yes I fear that all music

Will soon become crap.

Is there a solution

To pop music’s decline?

If so, leave a comment.

If not, I’ll just whine.

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Storytelling, PhD Style

Once upon a time

There was a noncommittal grunt

That lurked within the throat

Of a rather stuck up… woman.

One day it emerged

And then vanished into thin air.

There’s some backstory and lore as well

But I figure you don’t care.

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True Biology Facts

Blue whales are the biggest beasts

That ever lived on earth

Who weigh more than Drew Carey

At the moment of their birth.

They start out life as sperm whales

Then they go to whale high school

Where they get teased until they’re sad

And thus end up blue. Cool!

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Because Disney Ruins Everything

If I owned a magic candy cane

That could call thunder and rain

I’d try to die ASAP

So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.

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Head In The Clouds

I looked up at the clouds

To the the faces in the sky.

I saw one, with a large nose

And big blue eyes

And goofy white hair.

And I wondered

“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”

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