Tag Archives: Stupid

Flirting In Canada

I was a man

And she was not.

She hadn’t noticed me

But I thought she was hot.

I approached her politely

And told her “I’m Dan.”

She was, in hindsight, not pleased

So I got two years in the can.

I remember when men

Were not seen as a foe,

But not anymore

Thanks to Justin Trudeau.

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Buzzfeed Journalism

Everything in life worth knowing

Can be found in a hard-boiled egg.

If you don’t see how that’s possible

Your name probably isn’t Greg.

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One More Time (Anatomy Of Pop)

I met you, romantic prospect,

At a facility frequented by listeners of this genre.

It was unrealistically perfect

To look upon ya.

Then I sang about nothing!

Then I sang the same nothing!

Then the same nothing again

One more time!

I mentioned your physical appearance

But also a personal detail

To convince listeners of this genre

That you, romantic prospect, are real.

Then I sang about nothing!

Then the exact same nothing!

Then a slightly lengthened version of the same nothing

(With backup singers)

One more time!

Then I sang again about nothing!

(Because choruses, yo)

Then again about nothing!

(Because choruses bro)

One more time about nothing!

(Yay radio…)

One more time!

Fade and repeat ad infinitum…

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Still Want Super Powers?

Super strength at tea parties,

Super speed in bed,

Shoot lasers from your eyes

Whenever you say “I thee wed,”

Flight while on an airplane,

Access to Betamax knowledge,

Or being a straight white male

But only when applying to college.

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This One’s For All The First Graders (And Middle Schoolers)

There are things I’ll never knew

‘Cause I’ll will not have eating glue

But since I eated it I confess

This poem’s grammars has not make sense.

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#LookBothWays

I saw the golden headlights

Driving towards me in the rain.

I heard the tires squealing

And the brake lines shout of pain.

I smelled the burning rubber

And sensed the car careening

As I changed my Facebook status

So my life could have some meaning.

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So Basically Tide Pods, Right?

If you’ve always dreamed of fame

But the dream never came to fruition

I have a helpful tidbit

From yours truly’s intuition:

Drink a bunch of chemicals

Then pretend you have the flu

And with any luck some doctor

Will name a condition after you!

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