Tag Archives: Stupid

Quidditch

I met a girl

I thought was nice.

Turns out she was a witch.

She said that I

Was quite a catch.

‘Tis the life of a golden snitch.

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At The Butcher

Everybody’s yelling

About Nazis, hate, and Trump

And I’m just giggling to myself

‘Cause somebody said “rump.”

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Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)

I want to talk about the months

And where their names came from.

Please know all of these are true

Even if they sound dumb.

Jan and Ferb Uary

Were brothers who shared a belle.

Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name

But it all ended up pretty well.

March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.

April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.

May is a grammatically better version of “can.”

June’s the month that nobody liked.

July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb

And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.

August was named by a Texan who

In his accent said the words “I guessed.”

September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.

October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.

Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers

But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.

I hope you feel more knowledgable

About months, but you probably don’t.

I hope you share this with your friends

But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.

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My Coming Out As Trans-Elderly

Thirty-seven dollars in nickels

Rolled into neat little stacks:

I’ll use them to buy some dill pickles

To eat for my mid-morning snacks.

I’ve got a compulsion to do this,

Though no logic yet as to why.

Perhaps I just want the grocers

To think of me as “that guy.”

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Zero Weddings, A Funeral, And A Reasonable Question

This evening we sit

In memory of

A weekend that

We came to love.

‘Twas two days long,

Five days too short.

Why’s there no satisfying

Single player sport?

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Wherein A First-Time Internet Dater Realizes Honesty Is Overrated

I have no ambition,

Motivation, manly vigor.

I have very little money

And just three inches down there.

I wish I were more macho,

Richer, smarter, or just bigger

But your ad said if I’m honest

Then you really couldn’t care.

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How I’m About To Meet Your Mother… Or Big Chad, The Inmate

As if unprompted, she said

“I am not a chair! Don’t sit on me!”

I’m not inclined to sit on strangers

But now I kind of want to see… 

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