Tag Archives: Stupid

Never Thought I’d Miss “Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?” But Alas…

“If I were a pickled spleen

Kept in a jar for 30 years

Charged with electrical current

In a chamber full of your darkest fears,

Then released from the jar on a Sunday

And carried overseas by some birds

To attend celebrations in Istanbul

Would you still kiss me afterwards?”


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Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor

Sometimes I take a bath

To ease the stress of taxation.

I fill the tub with herbs

Such as thyme for relaxation.

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A Treatise On Cooperation With Government… Sort Of

Two children sit and watch a thing

That’s orange and round and fun.

One says “it’s warm and so it must

“Be a piece of fallen sun.”

One says “I can slam dunk it

“So it’s a basketball.”

Another says “it’s a tangerine!

“Do you know nothing at all?”

And I, with silent others, watch

Them call a pizza many names.

Some kids voted between them

When the appropriate moment came,

Yet I, when shown a pizza

And was asked “robot or duck?”

Didn’t vote for either answer

Because dishonest answers suck.

As the other children compromised

And said “Fine! It’s a goat!”

I ate and shared the pizza

With the others who didn’t vote.

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Camping Proclamation

When in the course

Of human events

We leave our homes

To live in tents

We write poems on topics

Irrelevant to the season

So if this poem’s turnaround seems abrupt

Probably slavery’s the reason.

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a mach maid in hev’in

I asked what she got

On the SAT.

She said “mayonnaise.”

I said “so did me!”

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The Italian Disagrees With Your Solid/Liquid Dichotomy of Glass Consumption

You a say a that a eating glass

Is a bad a for a you

And that a if you eat a glass

You’ll a have an uncomfortable poo,

Yet a here you go a giving me

A water you hole a da ass

Cause you give a me the water

And it’s a in a drinking glass.

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Last Time I Answer Spam…

I’m in a time vortex

In a failed experiment to get more sex.

Now I’m trapped in 2098 selling Goretex.

2017 could have gone better.

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