Tag Archives: Stupid

The New American Dream

Anti-racism

Is when white people

Protest against white people

For being white.

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Where BLM and the Dictionary Meet

A riot is when you’re angry

So you burn and steal money.

A riot’s also when you laugh

Because something is funny.

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You Get Equality! And You Get Equality! Everybody Gets Equality!

A growing social concern

That, to us, recently came

And affects the common person

Is Inequality of Fame.

Some folks are very famous

And some people are not

And it’s patently unfair

And it ain’t how it ought.

I suggest a policy

Wherein all people must

Create a social profile

With a media giant we trust

And exactly one trillion people

And never more or less

Must follow every profile

So society won’t regress.

If everybody’s famous

We’ll have perfect mental health.

Then maybe a trillion dollar minimum wage

Can do the same for wealth!

Update: It’s come to this poet’s attention that white, heterosexual, natal-males still exist, so this probably won’t happen for a while.

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So That Happened…

Yesterday, the internet

Decided to be rude

And with regards to a poem I wrote

The scheduling was eschewed.

The poem in question, “A Halfass Ballad

Was supposed to be published today

But instead it published an hour before

I wrote it yesterday.

Apparently a time machine

Malfunctioned for a bit

And made the WordPress platform

Look like a load of… anyway

The point of this poem

Is I put effort and thought

Into “yesterday’s” poem

So today effort give I’ll not.

Seriously though… go read “A Halfass Ballad.” It may be the last good poem I publish for some time, as longtime readers are aware. And if you’re still reading this italicized footnote, obviously you have plenty of time on your hands so don’t say “But I just read today’s poem, so I can’t go back and read another one.” Because you can. Also, if you already read “A Halfass Ballad,” read it again because it’s more interesting than this. Seriously, why are you even still here? Love ya!

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When Gen Z Starts Procreating

If I ever have a baby

With the person I call “Honey,”

I will name it “In the Headlights”

‘Cause when we sing “Happy Birthday” it’ll be funny.

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What About The Roads Though?

In the past twelve months, America

Printed twice as much money

As every American Billionaire combined,

Which is twenty percent

Of all dollars ever spent

Since 1835.

That money could pay off

All American credit card debt

AND all American student loan debt

Twice.

And so I ask:

Why do we need taxes again?

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In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice

I use to think that crack cocaine

Was a terrible social ill,

Until the other type of Coke

Reclaimed the top of the hill

By training its employees

That they should be “less white.”

If folks buy crack then c’est la vie

But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.

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Crime Pays Everyone But Me

People lose millions of dollars a day

To people with terrible grammar,

So I figured “Hey, I seem stupid sometimes

“So why shouldn’t I be a scammer?”

I sent out an email to millions of people

Saying “I could have stolen a stack

“But instead I abstained from stealing your money

“So to say thanks, could you send some back?”

That was on Monday and now it is Friday

And I’m not sure if scams like this work…

So now you’re aware of why criminals steal:

It’s ’cause you’re a miserly jerk!

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Eau Know! Knot Yew Two!

There once was a fellow from Prague

Who went for a leisurely jague.

He ran for a while

With a big happy smhile

But, alas, he fell into a bague.

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Sheer Will Can Only Go So Far

Tonight I have no topics

To write a poem about…

But will that stop me? Never!

I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!

No force of man or nature

Can stop me writing junk.

As big tech corporations say:

“It’s a feature, not a funk.”

In fact, when I’m inspired

I might settle for one stanza

About something that sounds funny

Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.

But today, despite my lack

Of anything resembling a point

I wrote a lengthy poem

And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.

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