Tag Archives: Stupid

Modern Mathematical Concepts

We used to joke about word problems

Like “If Joe has 16 melons

“And he puts them in a room with radius pi

“What demographic becomes felons?”

Now we have word problems

Like “You have a one-dollar bill.

“How many dollars do you have

“If you do nothing and stand still?”

Despite the simplification

Of out mathematical riddles

We have fewer correct answers

And more restless thumb twiddles.

(In case you’re feeling curious

The answers are “transeuntes”

And, thanks to hyperinflation,

Somewhere around sixty-eight cents)

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The Best Possible Outcome

So we’re down three to one

With half an hour to play.

Let’s kick the ball to each other

And do nothing, okay?

Wait, you think we should try

To score after all?

With that attitude

Just give Belgium the ball!

Oh wait, you complied

And the score’s four to one?

Well done team! Now America

Can watch sports that are fun!

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The New Tide Pod Challenge

Rolling office chair

Can reach 50 MPH

If you try enough.

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Gettin’ Frisky

Welcome to airport security

Where we protect your flight

From older moms with manicure kits

And from folks who are being too white.

Our job is to look through your undies

To find the board game that you packed

Because some guy before you were born

Didn’t get good intel on Iraq.

We’ll never be happy to see you

And we’ll make sure you feel the same way.

Now go to your flight that was cancelled

And let us get on with our day.

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A Little Wrench In The Plan

Sometimes your mind ignites

And you put together the pieces,

Assembling a master plan

Or assembling an ingenious thesis.

Other times your mind fixates

On a rather more simple idea.

One of these is called an epiphany;

The other is called an Ikea.

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Don’t Worry… It’s In Kilomters Per Hour

Weiting poetry

Is something not to do

When driving down the higheay

At around 102

And yet it makes a great excuse

For lazy guys like me

To not edit my tpoes

Before I publish what you see.

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Historically Possible

The Samurai saw a leather hat

With bills to block the sun

And said (probably in Japanese)

“That does not look so fun.”

So the cowboys took it

And thus the West was won

And I would wisely wager

That’s why the Samurai are done.

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Licorice

What if we made some bread

That tastes like boring sugar

And made it into a straw

With a texture like a booger

And named it after an herb

That’s entirely unrelated?

Turns out it’s a best seller

And that’s why I’m frustrated.

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How Today’s High Schoolers Learned To Read

A is for abbreviation

Which means shortening things.

Z is for zat’s all folks,

Now go do kid things.

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Mic Drop

Language is all like

Low-key totally like… yeah.

Am I right or what?

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