Tag Archives: Stupid

Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!

When one says “I must be dreaming”

(Implying you’re something they snoozed)

You should slap them with a chicken

Just to make them more confused.

An alligator also works

But they’re tougher to hide.

Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic

I find it’s best to stay inside.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Two Keys To A Happy Mind

When you think about anything

It becomes weird,

Like why can’t tigers

Grow a beard,

Why would someone join

An introverts group,

And who first thought

“He’s a nincompoop?”

And eventually you will find

The answers are one of these

“Probably reasons I don’t get”

Or “Screw it! More chocolate please.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The True MVP!

When you’re young, people ask

“What do you want to be

“When you grow up,” and today

I found my answer (finally)!

I want to be the guy whose job’s

To be the obscure-stats fairy

And Google crap that nobody knows

And tell the guys doing commentary

So when the score is 12-8

In a game involving someone named “Lou”

Because of me you’ll know that hasn’t happened

Since 1962!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Perhaps The Most Elaborate Pun Yet…

I want a sci-fi movie

With a lisping protagonist

Who steals bladed weapons

From a man who reshaped a board.

The reason why is simply

I want them to beat the antagonist

Not with a light saber

But with a lather’s sword.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

On This Cats And I Agree

Humans are stupid,

But that’s not a poem.

This line is filler.

Humans are so dumb.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!

If feminism means “go women”

And humanism means “people are good”

Then racism means “yay fast people,”

Or at least it should.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

How Real Men Express Love

When we met I asked “Can I buy you a drink?”

When we left I asked “Your place or mine?”

When the mood was right I leaned in close

And asked “you sure this is fine?”

And so the night proceeded,

As again consent was had

For removing one sock, then the other, then a shirt,

Just to make sure no one felt bad.

And as I removed my underthings

(Consensually, and with heart)

I realized I hadn’t checked about my shoes

And suggested we restart.

She said she was ok with it

And told me “just whip it out!”

So I grabbed my legal contract

And she began to pout.

At this point I could see

She wasn’t happy, so we parted.

I was just happy to be safe.

She was broken hearted.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems