Tag Archives: Stupid

Thank You! I’ll Be Here All Night

I’ve got another story

That I thought I’d share with you

And unlike most of my others

This one is completely true.

I’m stuck in traffic, driving

Down through Portland, OR.

At one time people thought “let’s go”

But apparently not anymore.

We’re driving behind a Tesla

With a vanity plate

That reads “UNSTPBL.”

Its driver I do hate.

I know most folks are decent

But my opinion’s going askew

Thanks to Mr. 100K a year

Who has 15 IQ.

I could probably go on longer,

And (we’ll see) perhaps I might.

I’ve got 400 miles ’til I get home

And that’s a lot of night.

I’m glad I don’t live in LA,

New York, or Portland too,

But if you’ve got a book I can sign

Come to I-5 exit 242.

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The Terrible Luck Of Being Born Into Non-Dysfunctional Cultural Paradigms

Yesterday, on Facebook,

I saw an event

That a friend wanted to,

In the future, say they went.

It was a play by Young Jean Lee

Called “Straight White Men,”

And, somewhere in my soul

I thought “Lord, not again!”

So I read the description

Of this play, ’cause ’twas late.

It said “a comedy about the people

“Who we all love to hate.”

Now that was enlightening,

And since then I’ve learned

Racism’s when white men feel good

About all that they’ve earned.

So as a straight white man

Who lives in a place

Where the windows aren’t broken

And walls aren’t defaced,

Where all violent crimes

Are, in general, rare,

I learned that such luxuries

Just aren’t fair.

I learned that I’m “privileged,”

‘Cause my life doesn’t suck,

That I’m not a poor druggy

Quite simply by luck,

That my checking account

Still has money to spare

Not because of good choices

But because life’s not fair.

Straight white men are evil

For being ourselves.

We should donate our homes

To black people or elves.

Up ’til now I’ve lived honestly,

Tried to do what was right.

I see now that’s impossible

Because I am white!

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You Expected A Rhyme? I Expected A Nurturing Home Environment. Ha!

If you’re the type of person

Who’d name their child “Splorch”

I want to meet you

Because my name is Splorch

And my parents left me

When I was young

And you’re probably them.

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Jumping For Joy?

They said: Let go your sorrows,

Let go all your regrets,

Let go your fear of failure,

Your worries and your debts.

For a while I was happier

As you probably have seen.

Next time I’ll release my stress

After I leave the trampoline.

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The Night Club

‘Twas deep in the evening,

Way the heck into night.

Unlit things were dark

And dark things weren’t light.

It was nothing like morning,

Like super late afternoon,

And she’s talked like this all evening

And I hope this date ends soon.

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Mr. Infallible and the Plague of Other People

In a very distant city

In some un-noteworthy land

There stood a shabby little shack

Which housed the one all-knowing man.

The man was very happy

Because he knew how to be so,

Yet he had a common problem

And away it would not go.

The problem he experienced

Was, despite his knowing all

The people who surrounded him

Would never heed his call.

A wolf would eat a neighbor,

A child would lose its way;

To the second he’d predict these

Yet the man still had no say.

He knew of no solution

And, knowing all, he knew no hope

So he lived a life of nothing

As a shack-dwelling all-knowing dope.

Yet the answer to his problems

Had been with him all along.

‘Twas the one thing he could not accept…

That, maybe, he was wrong.

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Sometimes I Get Mated By A Horse… Hehe

The pawns do naught but marching,

And often do they fall

For little more than hoping

That they’ll become queen after all.

The knights and bishops frolick

In the middle of the war,

Killed quickly by the competent

Or else begin to snore.

The rooks are oh so deadly,

The queen more fatal still

For these are weapons useful

To those of any skill.

But in the end I’m happy

That kingliness fell to me.

For every win I get the credit

And if I lose I mate for free!

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