I’m my softball league’s head chef;
For optimal nutrition
I like to make a Bundt cake
To get guys in a scoring position.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature
It’s nice to know
In this day and age
Time Magazine will
Give you the front page
And give you the title
“Person of the year”
For being perturbed
Where rich people can hear.
Filed under Poems
Distressed Jeans of History, Vol. 1
An Ancient Greek found trousers
With holes torn in the knees.
He held them up for passers-by
Asking, “Euripides?”
Filed under Poems
Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?
English is funny; Take the word “ship”
Which can mean a variety of things…
It can mean a big boat
That can carry other boats
Or other miscellaneous bling.
Therefore a ship who ships cargo
(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)
Can ship ships as its cargo
(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).
“Ship” can also be used
To describe imaginary romance
Where two hypothetical characters
Want to get in one-another’s pants.
In this sense, the word shipping
Is creating the romantic “ship,”
But could also mean that you think
The prospect of shipping is hip.
So if you like to like the idea
Of a romantic relationship between
A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships
Falling in love with a similar machine
You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,
And that is grammatically correct.
Yes indeed, English is funny
But deserves at least grudging respect.
Filed under Poems
When All The Good Men Are 5’11”
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 10
She’ll happily be his Barbie
And he will be her Ken.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 20
She will call him Sugarplum
And he will call her Honey.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes thirty
You can guarantee that they’ll
Be eager to talk dirty.
If a man makes 40k
And she makes 41
Shame on her for dating down!
Their relationship is done.
Filed under Poems
The American Way
You haven’t thought of pickles today
And you haven’t jumped a rope.
You haven’t kissed an armadillo
And you’ll never be the pope.
Your eyes aren’t orange like cinnamon
And you have a tooth smaller than your knee,
But if we voted for a different guy
You’ll probably disagree.
Filed under Poems
Math Meets Meth
They said “Name every number.”
I said “Paul.”
They couldn’t refute my argument
And, thus, that was all.
Filed under Poems
