In a world without coyotes
And a scarcity of ginger ale
I’d take comfort in the notion
That my legs would still be pale.
Tag Archives: Stupid
First Graders Be Like…
Some like it hot.
Some like it cold.
Some people just learned how to change the font color.
And also make text bold.
Filed under Poems
Priorities
If you put your life on the line
To defend our nation
You get one day for
A long weekend vacation.
If you decide
“Everyone turns me on”
You get all of June
To be praised unto dawn.
But whether you’re mad
That the alphabet crew
Get a month, or that veterans
Kinda get screwed
What we must remember
With all we hold dear
Is that China gives bunnies
A whole freakin’ year!
Filed under Poems
Requires At Least 18 Years Of Continuous Experience In This Gender
We’ve finally reached the fated day
Where your date presents a resume
And you have to ask her in detail
About the gap in her experience as a female
Filed under Poems
Wisdom of the Elements
I roasted marshmallows on an open fire
And the poofed up soft and gold.
I roasted them over a vat of ice
And they sat unchanged. I’m told
That fire and ice are equals
And, while true, it must be said
That camping is better with fire than ice.
Now enlightened, go ye to bed.
Filed under Poems
Double-O One Through Six
There was a fantabulous spy
Who was put in a death trap to die.
His life then did cease
And the world knew no peace.
If you’ve never heard of him, that’s why.
Filed under Poems
“Noble”
There once was a noble chihuahua
Whose owner was trapped in the shower.
He flew like an ace
To bite her on the face
Then barked nonstop for 24 hours.
Filed under Poems
Travelogue, Volume 2
I flew home on a plane through the air
Then I drove in a car on a road.
Now I’m sitting butt-down on a chair
And my creativity has yet to fully load.
Filed under Poems
Empathy
If everybody in the world
Could be a fish for just one day
I think we’d finally be able to make
Gas station sushi go away.
Filed under Poems
Travel Traditions
I flew on a plane to New Orleans
And by now you know what that means:
I’m probably tired, and pleased to report
That this poem is late and also is short.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 