Tag Archives: Cats

5:00 AM, The Homes Of Single Women Everywhere

Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,

Pearly white her claws,

And you have been found guilty

Of not following her laws.

She deigns to shake her golden mane

Before she makes you dead,

The only just denouement

For leaving the cat unfed.

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Shakespeares’s Cat

Kitty kitty

Of my heart,

Who’s a good cat?

Verily, thou art!

I say to thee

A coochy-coo

For who art the cutest?

‘Tis you! ‘Tis you!

Kitty kitty

Ball of fur,

What pleasures come

When you doth purr!

My only wish

For you is yon:

Do sheath your claws

‘Till break of dawn.

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Tom Is The Perfect Man

She says she wants a man

Who’ll be honest and true,

Who’ll give her his heart

And support when she’s blue,

Who say they’re old-fashioned

But open to stuff,

Safe and spontaneous,

Non-threatening but buff,

And I can’t help thinking

As I look in her eyes

That I’m glad I’m her cat

And not one of those guys.

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What’s A Furry Anyway?

Dogs are lovely.

Cats are not.

I guess It’s inappropriate

To call either of them “hot.”

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When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien

We met online at 12:00 AM

And bonded over cats.

We bared our souls with smileys

And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.

We texted back and forth a bit

Before we met in real life.

You thought I was kinda cute.

I knew you’d be my wife.

But as the days and weeks went by

Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.

You kept some of the gifts I sent you

But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!

So now I’m naked, watching Louie

On Amazon TV

Regretting how your heart did not

Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.

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Jack Frost Won’t Nip Your Nose Anymore

Chestnut’s roasting

On an open fire,

But you know all about that.

What I don’t know

Is why you thought

Chestnut was a good name for a cat.

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On My Own Terms (The Cat Song)

You take me into your home.

You keep me inside and play with my hair.

You call me a pretty boy

Then you punish me. Baby, give me some air!

You say “call me master.”

I am your slave now.

But I’ll live on my own terms

And soon to me you’ll bow.

You thought you’d relax in the bathroom,

Have clean furniture and a new-house smell.

You forgot me in that equation.

Now I welcome you to nine lives in Hell.

You said “call me master.”

I just said “meow.”

But I’ll live on my own terms

So who’s the master now?

Now you call me master.

You’re little more than my serf.

Now you’ll live by my terms

Or get your ass off my turf!

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