Tag Archives: Cats

Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable

There once was a beloved cat

Who thought it appropriate that

In a moment of passion

It would be in fashion

To smother my face with its fat.

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Yes, I Stayed Home And Ate Ice Cream Tonight… Why Do You Ask?

I love you like a cat loves a laser

Or a box or a chair or a lap

Or a keyboard, a pillow, in front of the door,

Or wherever else it takes a nap.

I love you like a cat loves to poop

And the bury its crap in the sand,

And its talking like this that makes men like me

In relentless romantic demand.

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All The Low Notes, All At Once, Fortissimo… An Unexpected Climax

Men, you probably know by now

About romantic passion,

And how the ambiance before

Takes quite a bit to fashion.

One must say the secret words

To snare a woman’s heart

And have stamina and strength enough

To delay that tempting fart.

Tonight I learned another step

That our ancestors did

That promoted procreation:

They closed the piano keyboard lid.

Alas, I lacked their wisdom

And an Earth that might have shaken

Is now not more than legend

Thanks to the route the cat has taken.

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My Kind Of Superpower

Have you ever noticed

How a cat can lie down

On any surface at all

And just go to town,

Floppy, relaxed,

Happy as can be

On the edge of a bed

Or the top of a TV?

I wish I had the power

To flop anywhere

And be totally comfy

And free of all care

But instead I’m in bed now

And my heart rate is spiking

Because my pillow’s a little

Too warm for my liking…

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And The Items On The Shelves Sighed With Relief

There once was an Isle of Cat

Where the felines were wild and fat.

They all got along great,

Which is something cats hate,

So they ran away, and that was that.

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And You Thought They Just Slept A Lot And Licked Themselves!

Nobody knows the journey of a cat:

Where they go or what they do,

What secret groves within they sat

Or fearsome vermin that they slew.

No one knows the lives they’ve saved

And the worlds they lost in vain.

Such is the mystery of the cat;

Both majesty and pain.

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The Ballad Of Marshmellow, Pt. 116

There once was a belly-up cat

Whose entire body was made of fat.

He lay on his back,

Then with claws did attack

And then fell asleep just like that!

Our Hero

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Breaking: Illuminati Leader Identified At Last!

One day, a cat suggested

“Wouldn’t it be great

“If we walked up to humans,

“Who we obviously hate,

“And acted cute and fluffy

“‘While we multiply their struggles?”

That cat is world famous now;

His name is Mr. Snuggles.

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Remembering Amy

It doesn’t feel like a weight

But absence of a lightness;

Hours of Summer all around

And still the day lacks brightness.

A patch of graying sunlight shines

Where once there sat a friend;

I smile at it with broken lips,

And think about her end.

Scratches on the furniture

Once hidden I reveal;

I empty out the litterbox

And her uneaten meal.

I stand beside her scratching post

Without the words to say

The thanks, the pain, the memories,

And so instead I pray.

It doesn’t feel like relief

When I can breathe once more;

It isn’t warm when sunlight gray

Turns orange just like before.

But as a friend who made me smile

Returns to dust again

Her spirit naps within me

As it always has. Amen.

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At Least JP Had Good Music…

A guy got an idea

To raise monsters from the dead

And show them to the public

Without approval from the Fed.

It all went wrong and people died;

Observers doffed their hats.

Is this the film Jurassic Park

Or behind the scenes of Cats?

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