The Tide Pod Song

When I turn on my television

I see a world of superstition

Where our leaders act like children,

Have a cow.

Meanwhile, the kids can’t read or write

And I stay awake at night

And think “That Tide Pod’s looking pretty tasty now.”

We used to run through flowery meadows

But now the news says they’re full of pedos.

There hasn’t been a film worth watching for a year.

Now I could watch Star Wars again

Or read a book or try some zen

But I’m leaning towards a Tide Pod and a beer.

You can’t see the stars at night;

We’re devoid of light delights.

It’s the darkest season most of us have faced.

But the laundry in the dryer

Caused another forest fire

And we can’t let all that detergent go to waste…

I guess life ain’t all that bleak

Just cause girls are men and men are weak

And our food and water cause infertility.

Let’s count our blessings, me and you:

I’ll say “one”, and you say “two”,

Then have some denatorium benzoate with me.