Tag Archives: Black Humor

Divorce, The Old-Fashioned Way

If I had a hundred camels

And a thousand mules

I could buy your daughter’s love

‘Cause those are the nuptial rules.

But you’d demand a thousand camels

And diamonds by the sack

If I got to know your daughter

And wanted to give her back.

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Just Wait ‘Til He Learns They Eat Cat In China

Jared was a little dude

From Syracuse, New York

Who used to think his favorite meat

Was barbecue pulled pork.

Then he came upon a crowd

Of masturbating cattle

And now he says Beef strokin’ off

Has won the “best meat” battle.

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All Breast Meat

If you were a mother and became a zombie

And started a life with you lil zombaby

Unlife would seem great when you lurch from the hearse

‘Til it’s time for the zombaby to nurse…

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The Racist Test

Asians are little.

White people are bigger.

The next largest up

Would have to be the magnitude of panic in your eyes when I start reading this poem on the streets of any major city at night.

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Two Jobs That Make Six Figures But Nobody Respects

I heard a job ad this afternoon:

“Need a change in career?

“Get a class A CDL

“And drive a big rig here.”

The company that advertised

Was “Johnson’s Gas and Lubricant Shipping”

And I figured it was close enough

To my current job of stripping…

After all, I already know

How to handle giant hardware,

How to move lube on the night shift,

And stopping traffic isn’t rare.

I load cargo in the backdoor

And handle massive logs

And I’ve known my share of pigs

(As well as cows and dogs).

I’ve made a living dancing

But now I just can’t wait

To sit all day upon my butt

‘Cause I know my butt is great!

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She’s Lived 90 Years Already, And The Guard Rail Needs to Be Tested Now And Again

I am stuck behind a car

Who doesn’t know quite where they are

And so decide to navigate

By traveling at 28.

I am stuck behind this guy

And starting to examine why

They made a law to punish those

Who ram the guys who hog the roads.

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I Was Going To Have A Punchline About Skin Cancer, But This Might Be Even Worse

The sun is hot and bright today

And shared with me a warming ray

That made my pale indoor body

Turn pink and gold and very gaudy.

No matter how it made me feel

In a week that flesh will puff and peel

And I can throw the flesh that peels

At passerby. How good it feels!

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An Important Choice

If I were a chess piece

I think I be a rook

Because I sit in corners

If just to read a book,

I like to walk in long straight lines

And don’t think it’s a hassle

When somebody mistakenly

Refers to me as “Castle.”

I’m not pious for bishopping,

Too smart to be a pawny thing,

I lack the boobs to be a queen

Or the balls to be a king…

So it’s either rook, or else a knight

Who’s called a horse sometimes…

Actually, I’m not hung like a rook…

I’m changing my choice. This line rhymes.

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But If A Doctor Says “Die Jew”, Historians Make A Whole Thing About It…

I don’t know if God is real

But when I went to the doc

I found my religious beliefs attacked

Which was a nasty shock.

He drew some blood, and so I asked

“What’s it called when you do a test?”

Doc said, “Diagnostic”

And I ran away (that seemed best).

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Multipurpose Tool

A shiny new piano

Is a beauty to behold,

And music can bring life and warmth

Despite the rain and cold.

Every key and inch of wood

Brings harmony, dear reader…

Especially when dropped from the 60th floor

Onto the appropriate world leader.

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