Tag Archives: Black Humor

Cooked Allah Mode

There is a mighty crater here

Where recently there wasn’t.

Ali-Baba said his bomb works

And I said “No it doesn’t.”

Ali-Baba sure was right.

Correct ’twas the hunch he had,

But he misread the bombs locale.

Thus ended his jihad.

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So Basically Tide Pods, Right?

If you’ve always dreamed of fame

But the dream never came to fruition

I have a helpful tidbit

From yours truly’s intuition:

Drink a bunch of chemicals

Then pretend you have the flu

And with any luck some doctor

Will name a condition after you!

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National Geographic Vs. HBO

I hear the pitter-patter

Of the children’s tiny feet,

See them playing in the forest

Despite the sultry August heat.

They run and sing so happily.

They live without a care.

They’ll fill my belly nicely

‘Cause %^*# you, I’m a bear.

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When Big Brother Is Ignoring You

If you, dear reader, aren’t aware

Of government surveillance

Then you really ought to know

That the FBI

and CIA

Have a list of words like so:

If you write gun

Or bomb or kill

Or terrorism in an email

You’ll be on

Their list to watch

Whether or not you’re female.

If you write

Assassinate,

Anarchy, or Iran

Then your social media page

Will probably get a scan.

I tell you of

This fact because

My blog needs to get more views.

You’ll know if it

Worked out okay

When my arrest is on the news.

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My (So Far) Unpublished Picture Book

Bobby was an antelope

That lived out on the plains.

He had a happy smile

To conceal his inner pains

‘Cause though he was an antelope

What Bobby always sought

Was to turn into a camel.

Eventually that’s what he got.

Bobby’s story is inspiring

A lot like Forrest Gump.

He was a horny animal

Who just wanted a hump.

He had a little surgery

And moved to the Sahara.

To his family he said “bye”

And, to his troubles, “sayonara.”

But it turns out as a camel

Bobby suffered from great thirst.

Before he made his change

He should have thought about it first!

So Bobby died alone

Among the cacti and the sand.

He got exactly what he wanted

But it wasn’t what he’d planned.

Bobby didn’t go to heaven,

Nor to limbo or to hell

Because there is no afterlife

For our heroic trans-camel.

So if you really want something

A little or a lot

Use Bobby’s tale of woe

To eliminate that thought!

🐮🐪😁🌵☠️💡💔

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One Hot Lady

Like oil in a lamp

Your body casts light

On those huddled around you

In the heart of the night.

Made brave by your radiance

We shall never tire,

But I still wonder why

Someone set you on fire…

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But The Microwave Is Silver…

The pot called the kettle black.

The kettle thought the pot was a racist kind,

But then kettle saw that the pot was black too

And, quoth the kettle, nevermind.

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