Tag Archives: Black Humor

Go Cry To… Oops

There’s nothing anyone can say

That won’t offend another.

For instance, if you say

That you live with your mother

Women call you loser,

Men will say you suck,

And orphans will be pissed

Because some guys get all the luck.

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Inboxes Be Like…

Hello [Your name misspelled here],

I’m a guy from some website

You visited four years ago

Saying thanks, unless you’re white.

We wanted to inform you

That our service will be paused

To recognize black people

And the trouble they’ve been caused.

We stand in solidarity

With those whose darker skin

Displays they may be poor in wealth

But rich in melanin.

Our shipping will be slower

And our prices will be hiked

To ensure our social media

Is adequately liked.

This is us reminding you

That love will conquer fear.

Also, they burned our storefront down

So please support us here.

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Now I Have An Excuse Never To Run For Public Office!

Here’s to George,

The man who died,

And in so doing

Showed it’s safe outside

To gather en masse

Without pandemic fears.

May he be remembered

When the next “plague” appears!

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Introvert Riots

Today I protested protests

By going to the store,

Putting items in my cart

Which I did then pay for.

I then departed quietly

And went back to my house

Where I tweeted “Peace and love”

Before I beat my spouse.

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Wanna Hang Out?

I said “If”

She said, “Did I tell you about…”

I said “You”

She said “The time I had the doubt…”

I said “Don’t”

“About whether or not…”

I said “Shut”

“This eyeliner makes me hot…”

I said “Up”

“‘Cause I, like, wasn’t totally sure…”

I said “I”

“If this was chic or, like, couture…”

I said “Will”

“So I called my BFF…”

I said “Do”

“And was like, ‘Sup, my broseph…”

I said “What”

“And he was like, ‘Oh girl…”

I said “Epstein”

“That shade of ivory makes me hurl…”

I said “Didn’t.”

She would stop,

Or so I thought;

She kept talking;

I did not.

I hung around;

She tied the knot.

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Biden Dirty

They see me Biden,

Debatin’

And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

I said they ain’t black

Like I’m not

Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

My mind is less than sturdy…

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!

Sniffin’ the babies just for fun

While I say you don’t need no gun,

Tellin’ how our country’s run,

Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.

Tara Reade told some news site

What I did back then was not alright,

But poor kids are just as good as the white.

Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.

Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia

‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.

Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,

But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.

I love having kids sitting on my lap,

I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,

You’ll vote for me despite this crap.

By the way, what the heck’s an app?

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Musicians At Nursing Homes Be Like:

I tuned my guitar

Then unplugged the beepy things.

What a quiet crowd…

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So Are The Neighbors Happy Or Not?

I played some screamo-metal music

In my yard the other day.

Now the grass is black,

And the lawn cuts itself, so yay?

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Individuality, But At What Caust?

A black guy names his kid J’Kwon

And no one bats an eye.

In Florida kids are named X-wing

And no one asks them why.

I choose a name like this

For the son I fathered

But when I say “My son, Z’Kyle”

The jews get hot and bothered…

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Weird Pets and the Poet That Jokes About Them

I found a pet I like to rub.

I brought it home and named it club.

Now folks aren’t sure how they should feel

After they learn my pet’s a seal.

——————————————————–

I wanted to buy a unique pet

Like a hedgehog from the store.

I asked how to tell the girls from the boys.

“The boys have one spike more.”

——————————————————–

The hunter said, “Look! A lesbian bear!

“Grab a rifle and go get her!”

I asked how to tell it’s a lesbian bear;

“They’ll eat snakes, but they like beavers better.”

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