I played some screamo-metal music
In my yard the other day.
Now the grass is black,
And the lawn cuts itself, so yay?
Tag Archives: Black Humor
Individuality, But At What Caust?
A black guy names his kid J’Kwon
And no one bats an eye.
In Florida kids are named X-wing
And no one asks them why.
I choose a name like this
For the son I fathered
But when I say “My son, Z’Kyle”
The jews get hot and bothered…
Filed under Poems
Weird Pets and the Poet That Jokes About Them
I found a pet I like to rub.
I brought it home and named it club.
Now folks aren’t sure how they should feel
After they learn my pet’s a seal.
——————————————————–
I wanted to buy a unique pet
Like a hedgehog from the store.
I asked how to tell the girls from the boys.
“The boys have one spike more.”
——————————————————–
The hunter said, “Look! A lesbian bear!
“Grab a rifle and go get her!”
I asked how to tell it’s a lesbian bear;
“They’ll eat snakes, but they like beavers better.”
Filed under Poems
The Problem With Seeing Eye Dogs
My puppy seemed a little lax
So I whipped out his leash and snacks
And hooked him up and took a run
Down past Forever 21.
The air was crisp with breaking dawn.
We passed some neighbors looking on
And heads came out of every door
To see my puppy, lax no more.
We passed the diner and laundromat.
We passed gas stations (and giggled at that).
We jogged the park and strolled the street
To get my pup to pickup his feet.
I took my puppy for a walk
Around and round a city block
And all the while people said
“You’re sick, you freak! Your dog is dead!”
But we got home all safe and sound
And I unleashed my weary hound
And scratched good boy behind his ears
And then he napped for 15 years.
Filed under Poems
Oregon Love (Or Why you Shouldn’t Settle For The First Pretty Face)
Her eyes were blue as Crater Lake,
Her breasts were like Mount Hood.
Her hair fell like Multnomah Falls
And all these things were good.
I held her hand and felt as big
And strong as Haystack Rock
Until my wife came home that night
And smacked me with her cock.
Filed under Poems
Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person
‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving
And all of the Bauers
Were being ungrateful
For 24 hours
For tomorrow they knew
They must put on a smile
And pretend to be happy,
At least for a while.
Then out of the sun
Did a meteor fall
And struck down the Bauers
And flattened them all.
On Thanksgiving that followed
This disaster from God
Everyone else was happy,
Which no one found odd…
Filed under Poems
Oh Yeah, I Went There
Life gave one guy lemons
And life gave the next guy a kid.
The first guy made some lemonade.
You don’t wanna know what the second guy did…
Filed under Poems
