Tag Archives: Black Humor

Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*

“Black guys play the black card.”

That’s how white people said it

Before they made the Master Card

And gave themselves the credit.

*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.

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Words Hurt

I wonder if the guidance counselor

At Hitler’s Alma Mater

Told him to “Just be yourself”

And then regretted it later.

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Queen

I’d rather have money than AIDS.

I’d rather have a dollar than a cent.

I prefer one thing to another

But I got both, so that’s the way things went!

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Japan, 1944

The waves were crashing on the shore;

It was a lovely sight.

The fireflies caroused with me

Amidst the starry night.

The sand, still warm with faded sun,

Was soft beneath my feet.

Then my house was firebombed

By the US Pacific Fleet.

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The Family Diner

I went to a family diner

I ordered a “family omelette”.

The menu wasn’t specific

So I waited to see what I’d get.

When they delivered the omelette

I found myself rather stricken

‘Cause what they called a “family omelette”

Was apparently just eggs and chicken.

The submenu options included

The “family omelette deluxe”

Which, inspired by Angelina Jolie,

Was chicken with eggs from some ducks.

The Conservative family omelette

Came with napkins that asked you to pray for it.

The Liberal family omelette

Was the same, but made someone else pay for it.

The feminist family omelette

Had no eggs and weighed 300 pounds.

The black family omelette had half as much chicken

‘Cause was no daddy chicken around.

The Japanese family omelette

Came with an unrealistic hairdo

And, upon looking closer, you’ll find

It has better SAT scores than you.

When I went to that family diner

I brought my future wife on a date.

I still visit on weekends and holidays

When I don’t have a lot on my plate.

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Not Quite A Heartache

I heard him tell her “You’re breathtaking,”

And I thought “That’s nice, isn’t it.”

Then I realized it was a guy with a lisp

Who just punched his wife on the tit.

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Now That’s A Team That’s Cooking With Gas

Vikings killed a lot of folks;

Bears and lions too.

Warriors kill a lot of folks

‘Cause that’s just what they do.

Tigers, dolphins, bulldogs, eagles

Kill lots of stuff, and yet

No high school that I know of

Has picked a Hitler mascot yet.

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