Tag Archives: Black Humor

Reason #4,231,278 I Love Texas

I got a letter from a woman:

“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.

I wrote back “That’s okay.

“I once f***ed a goat.”*

Believe it or not

She never wrote back.

It seems my sage wisdom

Got her self-esteem back on track!

*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Want Some Drink With Dose Fries?

The french-fried potatoes

That I bought from Wendy’s

Are covered in tattoos

And wear pants around their knees,

They complain about white privilege

And say “sup” instead of “hey.”

That’s when I remembered

That today is black fry day.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Jews In Mississippi

He showed us how to circumcise a redneck

In a way that none of us had done foresaw:

He found aforementioned redneck in his bedroom

Then kicked the redneck’s cousin in the jaw!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tonight Both Actually Apply

Sometimes I love writing poems;

Of that there is no doubt.

But sometimes I’m like a single mom on welfare

Just tryin’ to crank another one out.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

In Case You’d Forgotten

Back in the Western USA

In 1800 somethin’

A couple cowboys realized

Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.

The cowboys had been life long friends

And though they both were male

They rode to Brokeback Mountain

And they gave up on the trail.

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

We used to have some cowboys

To protect our town from raids,

But now we have to check

Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!

They use to be quick to the draw

But now they have more fun

With the sheathing than the drawing

Of their aforementioned gun!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

One cowboy found his saddle’s

Grown less comfortable with time. He

Found this was the case

Unless their romance they would stymie.

But the cowboys needed horses

Like they found they needed lasses

And they replaced their ponies

With one another’s (whoaaa!)

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

Yodel

Oodle

Yodel

Adel

Odel

Soooooooo…

Doooooooo…

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Leave a comment

Filed under Lyrics, Poems, Songs

Poems So Dark They Probably Stole Your Bike

If a child can decide to be

A gender they weren’t born,

Can know their sexual preferences

Then, honestly, I’m torn…

I think that future pedophiles

In elementary school

Might worry about fitting in

(And I don’t mean being cool).

——————————————————–

I once dated a Japanese girl.

When we broke up I tried to be nice.

She didn’t understand the first time

So I had to drop the bomb twice.

——————————————————–

I asked a guy in a wheelchair

“Who’s your favorite actor.”

The guy replied “Christopher Reeve.”

He asked me “Who’s yours?”

I said “Christopher Walken,”

And then the guy asked me to leave.

——————————————————–

One more joke for this morning,

And this one’s as good as it gets:

Who are Iraq’s athletic heroes?

That would be the ’01 New York Jets.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

New Data Indicates Many Catholics Don’t Enjoy Limericks

I think if I were a nun

I’d want to carry a gun

‘Cause I wouldn’t enjoy

Being mistook for a boy

When the priest says he wants to “have fun.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems