Tag Archives: Black Humor

In Case You’d Forgotten

Back in the Western USA

In 1800 somethin’

A couple cowboys realized

Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.

The cowboys had been life long friends

And though they both were male

They rode to Brokeback Mountain

And they gave up on the trail.

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

We used to have some cowboys

To protect our town from raids,

But now we have to check

Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!

They use to be quick to the draw

But now they have more fun

With the sheathing than the drawing

Of their aforementioned gun!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

One cowboy found his saddle’s

Grown less comfortable with time. He

Found this was the case

Unless their romance they would stymie.

But the cowboys needed horses

Like they found they needed lasses

And they replaced their ponies

With one another’s (whoaaa!)

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

Yodel

Oodle

Yodel

Adel

Odel

Soooooooo…

Doooooooo…

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

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Filed under Lyrics, Poems, Songs

Poems So Dark They Probably Stole Your Bike

If a child can decide to be

A gender they weren’t born,

Can know their sexual preferences

Then, honestly, I’m torn…

I think that future pedophiles

In elementary school

Might worry about fitting in

(And I don’t mean being cool).

——————————————————–

I once dated a Japanese girl.

When we broke up I tried to be nice.

She didn’t understand the first time

So I had to drop the bomb twice.

——————————————————–

I asked a guy in a wheelchair

“Who’s your favorite actor.”

The guy replied “Christopher Reeve.”

He asked me “Who’s yours?”

I said “Christopher Walken,”

And then the guy asked me to leave.

——————————————————–

One more joke for this morning,

And this one’s as good as it gets:

Who are Iraq’s athletic heroes?

That would be the ’01 New York Jets.

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Filed under Poems

New Data Indicates Many Catholics Don’t Enjoy Limericks

I think if I were a nun

I’d want to carry a gun

‘Cause I wouldn’t enjoy

Being mistook for a boy

When the priest says he wants to “have fun.”

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Filed under Poems

Bad Romance

I love you

Like Japan loves tentacles,

Like psychos love murder

And goth teens love pentacles.

I love you

Like Chris Pratt loves his raptors

And people with Stockholm

Syndrome love their captors.

I love you

Like a farmer loves cattle,

Like that one guy you know

Loves leather and a paddle.

I love you

Like Tarantino loves gore

And it’s for these reasons

I can’t see you no more.

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Filed under Poems

40 Virgins Is A Better Incentive… Just Saying

They mentioned becoming Jewish.

They said I ought and should.

Then the bris and lack of bacon came up

And Hell started to sound real good.

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Filed under Poems

Yep, Still Single…

Cancer is better than feminists.

Of this I am convinced.

I know people who beat cancer

And haven’t heard from it since.

But fate is not so happy

For those who’ve contracted feminism

For between them and common sense

Is a nigh-incurable schism.

Cancer kills quickly and painfully.

Feminism’s mostly the same

Except it lacks social stigma

And casts a whole lot more blame.

Feminists ask for equality

While cancer makes all of us equal.

Cancer terminates us while feminism

Makes an all-female terminator sequel.

And if you find you’re a feminist

Whether long-term or out of the blue

You have to live with yourself. With cancer

That’s something you don’t have to do.

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Filed under Poems

Especially If Her Name Is Daisy

My favorite flowers are daisies.

My favorite black president is Obama.

My favorite meal and my favorite animal

Both are the same: They’re yo’ mama.

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Filed under Poems