Too many monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and cracked his head.
His mama called the doctor and the doctor said
“What kinda Planet of the Apes shit is going down at your house, monkey mama?!”
Lots of police men knocking at the door.
The doctor asks “what is this for?”
Police say, “violent language towards Simian-Americans. What’s more
“We’re revoking your medical license and giving you life without parole.”
Filed under Poems
They swung their nunchakus
We dropped two nuclear bombs
Now they make cartoons
Filed under Poems
A zombie apocalypse would be bad,
But if it was just a month or two
We’d probably see society improve
For the ones who made it through.
Filed under Poems
Growing up is hard.
Santa wants to make you smile.
Meet new Nuka-Sled!
Filed under Poems
So an OnlyFans subscription
Is $20 bucks a week?
And might be even more expensive
For a “creator” at her peak?
Forgive me if I shudder
Because that sounds like lots and lots;
In my day the gold standard was
A penny for your thots.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere over the rainbow
There’s a plane
Where travelers are complaining
About chronic back pain.
Right there, over the rainbow,
I’m in hell
Wishing I’d had the foresight
To pack a liquid or gel
For with such non-solid things I
Could maybe make a boom device
And make this plane fall from the sky
And yes oh yes would that be nice…
Six months later, under the rainbow,
TSA
Brings me in for “additional screening”
And I recall this day.
Filed under Poems
If you go forty miles per hour
In a thirty-five zone
Most people would agree
To leave well enough alone.
But if you’re going thirty
In that same thirty-five space
I have for you bad news
About the future of your face.
Filed under Poems
Played Jenga at work.
Got fired. Well, okay. The morgue
Will run without me.
Filed under Poems
If you eat some fruit that’s mushy
It’ll put a fire in your tushy.
If you think that it will not…
I’m writing on the pot.
Filed under Poems
We’ve gone from two-parent families
To a lot of divided tribes
Where a single mom or dad
Gets by on pizza and vibes.
But if we go one step farther
And increase the orphan count
We should see the number of superheroes
Increase by a not-small amount.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 