Tag Archives: Black Humor

The Problem With Seeing Eye Dogs

My puppy seemed a little lax

So I whipped out his leash and snacks

And hooked him up and took a run

Down past Forever 21.

The air was crisp with breaking dawn.

We passed some neighbors looking on

And heads came out of every door

To see my puppy, lax no more.

We passed the diner and laundromat.

We passed gas stations (and giggled at that).

We jogged the park and strolled the street

To get my pup to pickup his feet.

I took my puppy for a walk

Around and round a city block

And all the while people said

“You’re sick, you freak! Your dog is dead!”

But we got home all safe and sound

And I unleashed my weary hound

And scratched good boy behind his ears

And then he napped for 15 years.

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Oregon Love (Or Why you Shouldn’t Settle For The First Pretty Face)

Her eyes were blue as Crater Lake,

Her breasts were like Mount Hood.

Her hair fell like Multnomah Falls

And all these things were good.

I held her hand and felt as big

And strong as Haystack Rock

Until my wife came home that night

And smacked me with her cock.

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Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person

‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving

And all of the Bauers

Were being ungrateful

For 24 hours

For tomorrow they knew

They must put on a smile

And pretend to be happy,

At least for a while.

Then out of the sun

Did a meteor fall

And struck down the Bauers

And flattened them all.

On Thanksgiving that followed

This disaster from God

Everyone else was happy,

Which no one found odd…

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Oh Yeah, I Went There

Life gave one guy lemons

And life gave the next guy a kid.

The first guy made some lemonade.

You don’t wanna know what the second guy did…

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When You’re Not Sure Who To Offend…

At the 5K Run for white power

People called me “Hitler” to my face.

I disagreed with them, explaining

“Unlike Hitler, I can finish a race.”

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“One Man” Was Found Murdered In His Home That Same Evening

I asked “Why call it PMS?

“This will really save my bacon!”

One man wrote back “It’s PMS

“‘Cause ‘Mad Cow Disease’ was taken.”

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Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*

“Black guys play the black card.”

That’s how white people said it

Before they made the Master Card

And gave themselves the credit.

*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.

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