Tag Archives: Black Humor

Criminal Justice 101

For those who aren’t aware,

Jail and prison are not the same.

To help remember which is which

You can play this little game:

If you piss off any cop

You’ll go to a jail cell.

If you’re either poor or black

You’ll go to prison as well.

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Black Humor?

Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”

We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”

Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess

“You and Africans feel the same way.”

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Religious Dilemmas

When a Catholic priest goes bad

And wants a little boy

He calls the kid by asking

“You want to have a toy?”

When a Rabbi gets the urge

To get a boy that way

He says, “You want to have a toy?

“If so, you gotta pay!”

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Morbid Subtext in Children’s Music

All is well while you’re singing

Until your realize

Mary will eventually have a big sheep

Unless one of them dies…

And yet we have been singing this

Since time itself was made.

Do the Mary’s keep swapping

Or was a sweater made?

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Millennial Parenting Takes Another Small Step

If your name were Bedtime

And asked for a bedtime story

People might share anecdotes

Of you in all your glory.

Your children might get all confused

When it’s their rest-your-head time

And you ask them to ask you

“Tell me a story, Bedtime?”

Or say you want a lesson

In a subject like history

And you have to tell somebody

“Tell me, Bedtime, a story.”

One thing no one asks though

Is why Bedtime isn’t sad

When he tells the story of the time

He killed his mom and dad…

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Sponsored Poem (With Video)!

Some folks can write greeting cards

And some folks can write songs.

Some folks can write poetry

Addressing social wrongs.

Some folks are very talented

While some folks just get by,

But on another level down

You’ll find, alas, this guy.

So how’s a lousy poet

Find a way to make ends meet

When the greatest poets in the world

Are starving in the street?

One way’s to get better,

But that’s just not my way.

The other is to advertise

For anyone willing to pay.

Those who sponsor poetry

Are sadly not so numerous…

I thus present this advertisement

With hope you’ll find it humorous.

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Even Imminent Death Has Standards

I like you

Like a hairdryer loves a bath,

Like an ax loves a tree,

Like GPAs love math,

Like Clintons love snitches,

Like Windows likes working,

But I still think it’s weird

Netflix likes children twerking.

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Think About The Bulimic Market Though!

First they made potatoes,

Then they made potato chips

Which were the same but thinner

And were prone to chap one’s lips.

Then they thought, “What if we

“Made these taste like spoiled fruit?”

Thus born was “Salt and Vinegar,”

And thus rose the chip’s repute.

“That went well,” the people said

And so they made new flavors

Like “Sour Cream and Onion”

And “Tasteless” (For the savers).

They made the chips organic,

They made them hot and cold,

They covered them in who-knows-what,

And still, somehow, they sold,

But you now dare to tell me

That my product is a waste?

Who wouldn’t want to purchase chips

Called “Orange Juice and Toothpaste?”

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If Dr. Seuss Were A Rapper

We are blacks. You are whites.

You deny our human rights.

You can shoot us while we snack.

You can shoot us in the back.

You can shoot us while we sleep

Or brand us as unusual sheep.

We have never met our dad,

But blackness isn’t only bad.

We are physically much bigger

And can call each other the first part of Ryan Higa’s Youtube channel.

Being black is sometimes great.

We get to attend Penn State

Instead of living in a dump,

All because white guys can’t jump.

If you know of current trends

We will steal your girlfriends;

You are white and we are black

And they ain’t ever coming back!

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Go Cry To… Oops

There’s nothing anyone can say

That won’t offend another.

For instance, if you say

That you live with your mother

Women call you loser,

Men will say you suck,

And orphans will be pissed

Because some guys get all the luck.

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