Fine Print Matters

I signed up for a credit card

And I’m going to be rich.

See, the card has special privileges

That’s almost like a glitch:

Every time you spend with it

You get a hundred loyalty bucks

That you can trade for fancy stuff

Like jewelry or Chucks.

Update: It’s been seven months.

I have a billion bucks, and I

Am being tracked by debt collectors

And I need to cry.

It turns out that a billion bucks

Translates to about a dime

And there’s something called an “interest”

That grows a lot with time.

Update: Now my stuff is gone

And I live on the street

With somebody named “Pickle Jim”

And also “Fentanyl Pete.”

I guess the whole “free money” thing

Made me spend a bit too hard

But at least I could exchange my points

For a Visa prepaid card!