Tag Archives: America

When The Dragon Finally Wins

Where once there was a chosen one

There stands the lovely fool,

A hero who can’t distinguish

The prison from his school.

The chosen of the dragon and

The savior of the mass

Who once was slaying goblins now

Must take his english class.

The heroes, rogues, magi, and bards,

Barbarians and knights

Have no hydras to vanquish, thus

They learn the Bill of Rights.

What was a land of magic, full

Of ogres, orcs, and elves

Becomes a land where they must slay

The voices in themselves,

The ones that say “You are worthy,

“You are, by nature, fair.”

Teacher says “Slay those parasites,”

Preaching how not to care.

Though no fantastic heroes live

Today, perhaps they can;

There is a dragon, as yet unslain,

Whose form we call “The Man.”

We have the weapons, we have the words,

To fight on, brave and true.

Think for yourself and find your way

To start the tale anew.

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If They Spot An Oddity They’ll Start Feeling Audity And You’ll Be An Auditee

Thanks for calling IRS

We’re pleased to take your call.

We’ll be with you shortly

In almost no time at all.

Today’s call volume’s low

So you’ll likely only wait

Until the next December

Or the climax of your fate.

In the meantime please relax

And find something to do.

Our agents are quite busy

Making life feel hard for you.

We would like to help you

And help we probably could

But, by law, we are forbidden

To do anything good.

We know you are unhappy

And we know we’ve caused you stress.

Here’s some tax-funded Muzak.

Thanks for calling IRS.

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Back Me Up, Caitlyn

I don’t call you “sir” ’cause I hate you.

I don’t call you “ma’am” to be a bigot.

I use words 99.4 percent of people

Will prefer to be called. Can you dig it?

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This Gender-Swap BS Is Making Me Thor

When I hear Disney the Almighty

Makes a movie about Aphrodite

And Tom Selleck’s the star

(And it isn’t subpar)

Then I’ll sigh and perhaps say alrighty.”

——————————————————–

If I want to be Samuel L. Jackson

For Halloween, I cannot.

I can’t on the basis

That blackface is racist,

Or at least that is what I was taught.

But when Marvel takes a Norse God

And make him a random white chick

That’s not a slight

‘Cause he’s already white

And why can’t a Norse God lack a dick?

——————————————————–

When someone signals virtue

But obviously have none

Why don’t we call their bluff?

I know I have had enough.

Signed, a white guy with a gun.

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My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

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Really? Really.

In the news: 007 is a black lady

And a million people attack area 51.

Neither endeavor is likely to succeed

But at least “Seein’ dem aliens” will be fun.

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Sorry Europe, South America, And Basically Everywhere Else, But You Have Terrible Taste

There’s an argument in the USA

About soccer teams and equal pay

‘Cause men got paid more overall

Despite the women winning all the way.

The other side of this tirade

Says the male players are underpaid

Because the revenue their team produced

Was 55 times more than the women’s team made.

Now how revenue or standings weigh

On the importance scale I can’t say.

The real question is, in 2019,

Why won’t this stupid sport just go away?

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