Tag Archives: America


‘Twas 31 days before Halloween

And all through the shops

Christmas music was playing…

Should I call the cops?

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Bertha Lent Him The Razor

There once was a redneck named Darryl

Whose back hair was fiery and feral.

But he shaved it one year

‘Cause it drank all his beers

But hey shucks! Hair will do what hair’ll!

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Also, I Won My Girl A Stuffed Llama, So I’m A Better Boyfriend Than You 😋

I went to the state fair today;

We ate scones and rolled in the hay.

We waited in line

Both to ride and to dine

But ‘twas worth it for plenty of play.

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Episode 12: A New Hope

There once was a Seahawks QB

Who wore a shirt that said “3”.

The fans said “Oh no”

When they watched Russell go

But now they chant “Geno for me!”

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Family Reunion In Alaska

At my parents’ house

Played board games and shot a bear

Like a kid again

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Fro Yo, Before Black People Made That A Greeting/Hairstyle

Somebody once grabbed a cow by the teats

And sucked out the milk and called it good eats

But a little fermented and got full of germs

And people just couldn’t come to grips or terms

So they filled it with sugar and put fruit on the bottom

And sold it in little plastic cups, and folks bought ‘em.

Then someone froze it and, eyes all agleam,

Said “People should buy this instead of ice cream!”

Most of the world disagreed, but alas

White peoplee adored it and paid through the ass.

All over the country we now eat frozen yogurt

Like Iowans mow lawns, and Nevadans mow dirt.

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She-Hulk, Attorney At Law

What if we made a TV show

For people who love manly heroes

That starred a green, feminist lawyer

And had a budget with multiple zeroes

Who lectures the characters we know and love

And faces no relevant threats?

Oh, and let’s call our core audience ‘bigots’

And see how many millions it nets!

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Seriously… It’s On I-5 Exit 135. Now THAT Is Optimism

No matter how bad a day you had

You’re not as bad off as the guy

Who made an SOS out of rocks beneath the overpass

In case a savior might fly by.

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Philosophy 101

Whatever you’ve heard, forget it!

Whatever you know, you don’t.

Everyone thinks they are brainy

But most of their brains grown’t.

Ignorance is epidemic.

No knowledge or sense can be common.

Now pay your tuition and fill out this form

And go back to your dorm and eat ramen.

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Modern Conveniences

While I’m on the road

I shop for ammo online.

Times aren’t all that bad!

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