Tag Archives: America

Things That Lasted Waaay Too Long

First there was Vietnam

Then the second gulf war…

Now I’m curious how many years

The Amber Heard trial goes for.

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Coming Soon To A Kindergarten Near You

There once was a five-year-old child

Who was happy, and ran somewhat wild.

This continued unabated

Because the child wasn’t medicated

And thus several lawsuits were filed.

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But They Still Need Taxes?

“What comes up must come down”

My teacher told me with a frown,

But here’s a thing that I don’t get:

Why isn’t that true for government debt?

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Why Teaching Young Children How To Clean Their Noses Contributes To The Global Crime Epidemic

My nose was all sniffly;

‘Twas spring in the air.

Faster than you say “piffly”

My Kleenex weren’t there.

I went to the store

To pick up some tissue

But they had no more

And THAT was an issue.

So I grabbed my gun

And went off a raidin’

Until my nose’s run

Could be finished abatin’.

I knocked on a door

And they opened it. Fools!

I shrieked “Get on the floor!”

And I searched through their tools…

Screwdrivers, flashlight,

And nails to pound

But try as I might

There were no Kleenex found.

The cops were approaching

I could hear their siren

And I was encroaching

And expect they’d be firin’

So I took the out…

The only one I had:

I scrunched up my snout

And sniffed like my dad.

That day as the bullets

Riddled my body

I learned snot down the gullet

Is what cops think is naughty.

This family-friendly poem was inspired by my beautiful girlfriend and her nose. Blame her, not me.

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A Midlife Crisis At Any Age

I bought a ‘57 Chevy

(Or what’s left of it, at least)

And I fixed it up so I

Could be a sexy beast.

I cruised it up and down the block

To pick up saucy chicks.

Alas, my ‘57 Chevy

Doesn’t hide that I’m 86.

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Win-Win(chester)

If everybody had a gun

The world would be a lot of fun

And if everyone died ‘cause I was wrong

No one would complain this poem ain’t long.

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Modern Presidents

There once was a democracy

Of half a billion, plus me.

The others said no,

But I said yes, so

You are my slaves. Hee hee hee.

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Assault? Blacklist Him! Sex Slavery? Let’s Let Him Slide Quietly Out Of The Public Eye (Yay Hollywood)

There once was an actor named Will

Who was punished for slapping, until

He thought “I’ll never be arrested

“If they knew I molested

“And trafficked minors for capitol hill!”

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It’s like 2012 Never Ended

Today I stood at the gas pump

And couldn’t help but feel

That one Bitcoin for a gallon of gas

Will once again be a good deal.

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The Whole World Is Just The WWE Now, But Without The Clever Storylines

There once was a woman whose hair

Was, due to alopecia, not there.

One guy smacked a comic

And I find it ironic

That anyone still seems to care.

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