Tag Archives: America

American Political Redux

Trumpty Dumpty built us a wall.

Trumpty Dumpty polled well in the Fall,

But an army of lawyers, Fox News, and white horses

Couldn’t stop CNN and “Anonymous Sources.”

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Another Perspective…

The top one-percent of earners

Make $585 K.

The minimum NFL salary

Is $615,000 today.

These 0.95-percenters

Complain about being oppressed

And wonder why their unemployed fans

Are anything less than impressed.

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Two American Legends

Yankee Doodle went to town

Riding on a pony.

He stuck a feather in his cap

And called it macaroni.

Yankee Doodle was confused,

Perhaps ’cause of the ridin’,

And his random speech habit

Got picked up by Joe Biden.

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Weird Flex But Okay…

Apparently in America

You show black folks you care

By taking a day off of work

And taking sports off the air.

You have moments of silence

Which shows you have the gall

To literally demonstrate support

By doing nothing at all!

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Sponsored Poem (With Video)!

Some folks can write greeting cards

And some folks can write songs.

Some folks can write poetry

Addressing social wrongs.

Some folks are very talented

While some folks just get by,

But on another level down

You’ll find, alas, this guy.

So how’s a lousy poet

Find a way to make ends meet

When the greatest poets in the world

Are starving in the street?

One way’s to get better,

But that’s just not my way.

The other is to advertise

For anyone willing to pay.

Those who sponsor poetry

Are sadly not so numerous…

I thus present this advertisement

With hope you’ll find it humorous.

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Giant Meteor: Not A Viable Candidate… Too Likeable

If you say the truth’s important

But you’re lying,

If you say you’re in perfect health

But you’re dying,

If you say you’re a real lady

But you’re a gent

I think you have a shot to be

The US President.

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My 100% True Treatise On My American Patriotism

I was born in Colorado,

Learned my talkin’ in Kentucky,

Grew up in Northwest Washington

Which, although American, is Canucky.

Now a man who makes a living

Rhyming mediocre comedy

I lie in bed listening to the sounds

Of patriotic hymns from Ireland.

My heart’s in Limerick,

My mind’s in Dublin,

My eyes see Antrims and see Galways!

I am in a kilt

(Yes, I know that’s Scotland)

And I’ll praise green, white, and orange for always!

Then the youtube algorithm

Plays me “God Defend New Zealand”

And the Maori spirit rips the kilt away

And I walk with hobbits in the free land!

Misty mountains, patriotic,

Connect two hemispheres within me…

That’s until I hear the opening chords

Of the Russian anthem start to win me.

Now Haggis, Borscht, Poutine, and Kiwis

Are all chicken-fried in my spirit

And I only wish that the Star-Spangled Banner

Were a song that made me want to hear it.

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If Only His Parents Named Him Neil…

Greg is 17-foot-3,

Runs faster than the eye can see,

And more impressive than Greg’s size is

How Greg’s won four Nobel Prizes.

Greg is just 18 years old.

All Greg touches turns to gold.

Greg’s backstory’s very tragical

Which makes Greg seem even more magical.

Greg declared the other day

Greg wants to play in the NBA.

The coaches laughed ’til they soiled their pants…

Greg once said, “Cops are fine,” so Greg never stood a chance.

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2021

Deep below, the hipster slugs

Are killing worms and taking drugs

And handing out free slimy hugs

And chanting “Slug Lives Matter.”

High above, against the odds,

Someone applauds the gastropods

And, thinking they are modern gods,

Eat escargot and grow fatter.

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Southern Love

Somewhere there’s a purple bear

Who cries itself to sleep.

The cubs call him “The purple one

“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”

I want to find that purple bear

Upon one lonely night

And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt

And say, “It’ll be alright.”

The purple bear will thank me

As he dries his tears away

And hug the small plush human

And know that he’s okay.

I want to pat that little bear

Upon his purple head,

But I’m also scared he’ll maul me

So I’m hunting him instead.

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