Tag Archives: America

There’s One Thing That Matters, And It’s Not Skin

I talk about love

And I talk about life,

How I do honest work

For my kids and my wife,

How I got a step up

From my forefather’s grace,

But what keeps me alive

Is the sweat on my face.

I won’t take a dime

If it hasn’t been earned;

Can’t regret when I failed

Because that’s when I learned.

I can say what I say

With no need for defense

Because what I say

Is just plain common sense.

So if you think I hate

Someone ‘cause they’re not white,

Consider a moment

That you may not be right.

Perhaps I respect

Those who earned their own keep

With an excess of ethics

And an absence of sleep;

Maybe the reason

You’re not on my mind

Is because I’m a doer

And I like my own kind.

You want to be equal?

Well, I want that too.

While I’m out here working

I’ll watch what you do

And when you go home

Having done what you should

You won’t think about race:

You’ll be feeling too good!

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Schools Now vs. Schools After the Corporate Overlords Quit Hiding

Mom and Dad, guess what! Guess what

I learned today in school!

I learned it doesn’t matter

If you’re smart or fast or cool.

The only thing that matters

Is that you have self-esteem,

And that means that you like yourself

No matter how lame you seem.

Child, child, guess what! Guess what

You’ll learn when you get older?

You can love yourself to death

But still get a cold shoulder

Because what people care about

Is not how you project

But whether or not you’re somebody

Who’s worthy of respect.

Mom and Dad, how can I be

Someone who’s worth respecting

If I’m the sort of guy that I

Would always be rejecting?

Child, child, if you hate

The person that you are

You come to city motors

And you buy a better car!

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How I Choose To Put Stuff In My Body

You know those ads that run late at night

Where the guy tells you how to solve life

By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.

After all, it’s how he found his wife

Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds

And rodents were all he digested

Until he discovered a miracle cure

That one night he just manifested.

It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,

Alabaster, carnuba, and chives

And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all

It will change many millions of lives!

Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts

Saying it will make everything great

Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine

Which is why I personally hesitate.

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It’s Not About Race; It’s About Culture

Deep in the woods by a little green lake

Lived a man who had never been sad.

His life was just joy from the start to today,

Never once punctuated by bad.

He called the birds and the frogs company

And sang to the wood he would stack…

But all of that changed when he saw CNN

And learned what it meant to be black:

He learned that despite being happy and free

His life was defined by oppression

And how being equal to everyone else

Was the only worthwhile obsession.

He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until

He heard an inspiring call:

He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden

And thus wasn’t black after all!

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YA Dystopian Epics

Once upon a time

In a far away world

That turns out to be the USA by book 3

A brave young girl

With a stupid name

Becomes an unlikely hero

When she’s mildly inconvenienced

By an otherwise fine totalitarian system.

Alongside her trusty sensitive boyfriend

And the other dude who has no chance

But is still in the book for some reason

She will change the world…

Then she’ll do it again in book 2

In basically the same way

And then there’s a third one

Where the writer basically tells you

“War is bad,” or something

Because you kinda have to keep reading.

Her battle will be legendary

For about ten years

Until the next four-book trilogy releases.

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Survivor: Now vs. Then

They used to be marooned

On an island, all alone,

Without food or water

Or even a smartphone.

Now 16 survivors

Have to stay at a 2-star hotel

With only basic cable and

Non-organic hair gel.

In the old days, the survivors

Would compete in feats of strength,

Rewarded for success by an

Increase in isolation’s length.

Now they have to listen

As someone reads offensive tweets

And try as hard as possible

To not cry from their seats.

I guess the type of people

Who can live outside the city

Don’t sign up for TV shows

And I think that’s a pity.

Now excuse me as I watch

Carsten, Miracle, and Regan

Compete for who goes longest

Without saying “I’m a vegan.“

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#BlackMarketsMatter

Yesterday, my neighbors

Put on a firework display

Although it was illegal,

But everyone was like, “Okay.”

And so some normal people

Broke the law, and yet someone

Still thinks that no criminals

Can buy an illegal gun…

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Independence

Today we set off tiny bombs

And cook our meat outside

To celebrate the freedom

That we’re missing nationwide.

We sing about a starry flag

And amber waves of grain

While people we dislike like tell us

To proudly wear a chain.

The news stops all-day coverage

Of outrage today to share:

“Our founding fathers owned some slaves

And why we ought to care.“

We are still the people

Who are governed with consent;

It is what the founding fathers wrote

And it is what they meant.

So as I celebrate the flag

And eat my apple pie

I’m thankful I still own myself;

I will live free or die.

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How To Get Federal Unemployment Benefits

When I said “I like my coffee

“Like my women: Sweet and black.”

My coworker decided

That was a personal attack.

She called the supervisor

Just to say she was offended

And just like that I found I was,

Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.

But now my luck has turned around

And I see that I’m blessed.

I can’t be an oppressor

If I am, in fact, oppressed.

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Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs

I shouldn’t be the president

Because when I want a snack

I go to a take out restaraunt

And microwave it when I get back.

At first that won’t seem dangerous

Until my words are these:

“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!

“Why not nuke some Chinese?”

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