Tag Archives: America

In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice

I use to think that crack cocaine

Was a terrible social ill,

Until the other type of Coke

Reclaimed the top of the hill

By training its employees

That they should be “less white.”

If folks buy crack then c’est la vie

But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.

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Which of the Following Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Yet another sign

That our publics schools suck ass:

They have a grading rubric

For a “creative writing” class.

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Today’s Episode Of “Incompetent Leading Man Bailed Out By Quirky Minority Sidekick” Is Brought To You By…

Before your TV show resumes

Please watch this little ad

From a global corporation

To remind you that you’re bad.

And if our subtle message

Won’t subliminally take

Don’t worry. There are 14 more

In every single break.

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This Poem Will Be Featured Tonight On CNN

In the future we will have peace

Just so long as we silence everyone

Who says we’re like Nazis

Because Nazis lost

And losing is for people who work

And have independent thought.

Also, Jews hurt the economy.

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The True Cause of Violence

Private Johnson swam onto

The beach at Normandy.

I’ll not describe the horrors

Which that soldier had to see.

He killed opposing soldiers

Because command insisted.

Imagine how it would have been

If video games existed…

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This Poem Relieves Bureaucratic Congestion… Side Effects Include Being On The FBI Watchlist, Bureaucratic Congestion, And “Hanging Yourself” In A Cell Before Testifying Against The Clintons

Our government in America

Is a lot of old people

Roleplaying as a nose with a cold,

Alternating whether the right

Or left nostril can’t breath

While helping no one at all.

Time for Sinuclear TM

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Some Truths Are Harder To Accept

Roses are red.

The worst sport is soccer.

Biden’s the pres’

Just like Rey’s a Skywalker.

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You Can’t Do It Alone

He found the perfect woman

And he bought the perfect ring

And he planned a perfect marriage

For a perfect queen and king.

Together in the gardens

He knelt and asked, “Would you…?”

And she took a knee beside him

And they silently protested racial injustice in sports.

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Baby Fat

They made a bigger, safer playground

For the children at the school

And the big kids and the babies

Both agree it’s pretty cool,

And the makers cash their checks

For saving kids from pain

And the parents who know better

See the baby fat remain.

They made a kinder, gentler college

For the kids of yesteryear

Where thinking is discouraged

Because it sometimes causes fear

And the makers plan the lessons

And the students love their chains

And the thinkers keep their distance

And the baby fat remains.

They made predictable excitements

For the prisoners of money

And the watchers and the buyers

Say “That’s scary,” or “That’s funny,”

And the makers give themselves awards

For cutting with the grain

And the living have walked out

Because the baby fat remains.

They gave us safer deadly toxins

And harder automatic wins

And a tolerant sort of hatred

And more pleasant deadly sins.

The makers smile, their strategy

Entirely on track

Because the folks who have the baby fat

Are folks who don’t fight back.

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Pomp(oms) and Circumstance

Cheerleaders always turned me on

Since I was a boy of 10,

So when Biden got elected

I was delighted that CNN

And every major outlet

Of mainstream American news

Became unabashed cheerleaders

Shouting “Give us I, give us O, give us U’s!”

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