War is pretty bad.
Epstein didn’t kill himself.
Can we get taxed less?
Tag Archives: America
Wait… Did You Ask Why The End Of The Lines Don’t Rhyme? *Prepares Taser*
Too many monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and cracked his head.
His mama called the doctor and the doctor said
“What kinda Planet of the Apes shit is going down at your house, monkey mama?!”
Lots of police men knocking at the door.
The doctor asks “what is this for?”
Police say, “violent language towards Simian-Americans. What’s more
“We’re revoking your medical license and giving you life without parole.”
Filed under Poems
The Best Possible Outcome
So we’re down three to one
With half an hour to play.
Let’s kick the ball to each other
And do nothing, okay?
Wait, you think we should try
To score after all?
With that attitude
Just give Belgium the ball!
Oh wait, you complied
And the score’s four to one?
Well done team! Now America
Can watch sports that are fun!
Filed under Poems
Hollywood, Kansas
Good old Southern wisdom dictates
That nobody can be hotter
Than a woman with the privilege
Of being a farmer’s daughter.
Now a lot of celebrities try
Via paying a lot of money
To get hotter through plastic surgery
But they end up looking funny.
Meanwhile, farms in general
Are losing cash with every crop.
Now I share a solution
To make both these problems stop:
Aging celebrities pay a subscription
To be adopted by the farmers
Who’ll do less growing vegetables
And more of raising charmers.
The world gets better affordable food
And less of the adjective “botched”
And films starring 40+ actresses
Might actually start to get watched!
Filed under Poems
Gettin’ Frisky
Welcome to airport security
Where we protect your flight
From older moms with manicure kits
And from folks who are being too white.
Our job is to look through your undies
To find the board game that you packed
Because some guy before you were born
Didn’t get good intel on Iraq.
We’ll never be happy to see you
And we’ll make sure you feel the same way.
Now go to your flight that was cancelled
And let us get on with our day.
Filed under Poems
Maybe If We Got One Of Those Video Games The Kids Like And Put Guns In It? Have We Tried That Yet?
I’m not so concerned about politicians
With approval rates at historical lows.
Instead I’m concerned that armed rebellion
Is still unpopular, but hey, that’s how it goes.
Filed under Poems
Epiphany
My new religious theory
Is that the “people in between“
Who deserve neither Heaven nor Hell
Go to a place in between
Where fires burn and humans
Suffer terrible humiliation
While the skies are blue and sunny
And most ignore the devastation.
After further thinking
Of where such a plane my be
There seems to be a candidate
That makes good sense to me,
Where Hell and Heaven intertwine
And fate goes either way.
I present to you my limbo:
California, USA
Filed under Poems
Job Hunting
To get a job in the CIA
You just show up one day
And if nobody catches you
You’re a spy! That sounds okay…
But getting a job in the TSA
Is not so cut and dry
Because if you show up at all
Your boss will wonder why.
Filed under Poems
Test Scores Declining = Ineffective Terminators
What if a time traveler became a teacher
And for a few decades or so
Just didn’t teach people to write
Because they already know
That AI will destroy the world
And our only hope are those
Who trained the AI how to write
Using their own terrible prose?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 