Tag Archives: America

Why Has No One Mentioned This Unsung Hero Yet? Conspiracy!

Amidst the “What the heck?s”

About kneeling for anthems and necks

One man has consistently stood tall:

That man is Neil Diamond,

Who protested against crime and

Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.

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Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

If you think saying “Spongebob’s gay”

Will make the haters go away

Then I am most inclined to say

You’re stupid and you’re wrong.

If you think that posting signs

And standing tall in protest lines

Will make the “bads” turn into “fines”

I’ll sing a different song.

If you think that making noise

About police and childrens’ toys

And how some girls are really boys

Is going to change a heart

Then I will proudly bear the news:

Insulting those with different views

Won’t stop the “other people” blues,

But listening? There’s a start!

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Introvert Riots

Today I protested protests

By going to the store,

Putting items in my cart

Which I did then pay for.

I then departed quietly

And went back to my house

Where I tweeted “Peace and love”

Before I beat my spouse.

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Well, That Escalated Quickly…

If someone stomps a snail to death,

Then snails burn down a city,

Why is that conducive to

Making people think snails aren’t shitty?

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Biden Dirty

They see me Biden,


And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

I said they ain’t black

Like I’m not

Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

My mind is less than sturdy…

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!

Sniffin’ the babies just for fun

While I say you don’t need no gun,

Tellin’ how our country’s run,

Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.

Tara Reade told some news site

What I did back then was not alright,

But poor kids are just as good as the white.

Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.

Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia

‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.

Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,

But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.

I love having kids sitting on my lap,

I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,

You’ll vote for me despite this crap.

By the way, what the heck’s an app?

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Good Clean American Cinema

If the Florida Air National Guard

Gets attacked by a suicidal croc

And they try to assassinate the leader

By using many a Blackhawk

Then discover the croc was Muslim

And they make a movie about it later

I hope they give it the title:

“Hella’copters vs. Allah Gator!”

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There’s Still Time To Write-In Chuck Norris…

One world leader said

“Grab ’em by the pussy,”

But got elected anyway.

One would-be leader

Said “Don’t grab ’em by the pussy”

Before he did, so I guess he’s okay?

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Man’s Best Friend Meets “The Man”

I was running with my dog

One Wednesday afternoon

When my puppy’s nose did spy

Malodorous raccoon.

Not the type to laugh at fate

My dog took up the chase.

Going zero to sixty in 3.2,

He should’ve won the race.

Alas, he turned a corner

Onto Lincoln Parkway South…

A german shepherd police dog

With radar gun in mouth!

I figured it was funny

Knowing the dog had snatched the gun

But funnier was how my pup

Went sixty to zero in 2.1

We got off with a growl,

The raccoon nowhere in sight.

I guess I should be grateful

That my puppy’s fur is white!

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Not The Solution We Need, But The Solution We Deserve…

Thousands of New Yorkers

Are dying every day,

Yet no one has the courage

To step on up and say

“Send every smart-mouthed teenager

“Some radioactive Purell.”

We could have superheroes by now

But the government says “Oh well…”

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We’re Also Live-Streaming Bird Songs And Countable Sheep

This is your local government

Now or pretty soon

Emailing to let you know

That we sanitized the moon.

Looking into space

Will no longer cause disease

So while we cancel everything

Go stargaze as you please.

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