Tag Archives: America

Writer’s Strike or Poetic Justice?

I’m not sure which is better:

That Hollywood is on strike

Because computers can do their job better

And that they do not like

And now we won’t have any more

Reboots, remakes, or sequels?

Or that we finally see mindless machines

As movie writers’ equals?

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DC Smoothies: Now Made With 100% Sustainably Harvested Peasant Tears

It is a truth we find self-evident

That the people who make the laws

Are the type to drink turtle smoothies

With biodegradable straws.

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Rainbow Town

Big green steamboat

With two red wheels

Casting great white wakes

In the chocolate Mississippi water.

In the distance, a brick-red city

With lights in tans and teals

And the iron evening air

Is growing blacker, hotter.

The brassy blast of cymbals

And a wailing silver sax

Play the blues for our reunion

And the clouds are stalwart brown.

I’m sitting in a steel chair

With rust like sealing wax

As a snowy egret flies into

The night in rainbow town.

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In The Distance, China Just Laughs

There once was an admiral poll

That asked “how to meet our recruiting goal”

Options one was “Raise pay”

Option two was “Be gay”

And the navy said “‘Kay queens, let’s roll”

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I’d Take JarJar Binks At This Point

Obi-Wan Kenobi is our only hope

But will he run for president?

Another year of “nope”.

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‘Merica Loves The Draft

Today’s the day that giant men

Who some describe as “ballers”

Get called by teams of athletes

To play games for millions of dollars

And older guys who used to play

And that one blonde chick enumerate

The reason why that particular guy

Will make their newfound team great.

Meanwhile, men who’re five-foot-two

But also weigh 300 pounds

Sit in bars and pound their chests

And buy each other rounds.

And somehow through the fog

Of testosterone and concealed erections

This moment matters more to most

Than national elections.

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Leading Tomorrow’s Youth

Instead of “Ladies and Gentlemen”

I said “Hello Heathens Galore”.

Now everybody knows my name

And I don’t get to teach preschool no more.

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24 Hours Of Visibility And The Whole System Collapses…

I think for one day a year

All taxes should be ignored

And you’ll see how gas is a dollar less

And your check is twenty percent more

And as you drive your car on roads

With a single pothole, wonder

Why do we support “our side” so much

When both sides keep sucking us under?

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I Bet Scissors Makes “The Rock” Their Spokesman

Sometimes life is sunny

And everything goes right;

Sometimes you’re the VP of Marketing

And decide to revamp Bud Light.

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I Miss The 90’s

I remember when beer was manly

And women played women’s sports

And the internet had telephone cords

And kids went outside to build forts…

When a penny bought a tootsie roll

And a handshake was a deal

But nowhere in my memory

Were the politicians real.

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