I heard a woman say
Just the other day
“Recognize me as an individual.”
So I’m recognizing her,
But you readers may be sure
See this post is not something
that have seen she will.
Maybe if I knew her name,
What made her separate
from the same
I could recognize her appropriately.
So if you want a shout out,
Just demonstrate your clout out,
Or my poem to you will end
Klersmoppriately.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
There once was a hot chick from Troy
Who caught the eye of a boy.
They overreacted
And a war was enacted
And thousands of ships got destroyed.
Filed under Poems
Time’s new roman
Was a bold chap
Born in Rome
So I guess
He’s Italic.
He tried to fly,
But with no wings to flap
It was hard
To get Arial.
(Or phallic).
So he took up bowling
And his shoes were Size 12
He bowled strikes
And Strikethroughs.
Pins reset-ica.
And he once bowled a gutter,
And oh did he yell-ve.
He shouted “undo!”
And then
“What the Helvetica!”
Filed under Poems
“Long skinny tree,
Tell what you see
From your vantage point
Up in the sky.”
“Well short human man,
I’ll tell if I can,
But I’m afraid
I don’t have any eyes.”
“So you mean to say
That trees go all day
Without ever seeing
Your beautiful view?”
“Yes indeed, I am blind
Just like all of my kind.
But at least I am tall,
Unlike you.”
Filed under Poems
You climb without hands
For hundreds of feet,
With your body strapped into
A hard plastic seat.
Then your car hits the peak
And you look down the slope,
The ground and a crowd
And the loss of all hope.
And with your heart beating
Like domestic abuse
You rush down the slope,
Through the drops and corkscrews.
Forty five seconds later
The ride is all done,
And you smile like a psycho
Wondering “Why was that fun?”
Filed under Poems
Her face was almost holy,
But in truth was kind of crass
Like a baseball in a church
Hit through a window of stained glass.
Her body was like a lion,
Kind of noble, but too hairy,
And her name was like a melody
That sounded just like “Jerry.”
And as we flirted in the bed
Of her slate grey Chevy truck
Her laugh closely resembled
A mixed chihuahua and a duck.
And I drew a terrible conclusion
As sparks flew through the truck.
Jerry wasn’t a her at all,
And I’d run out of luck.
Filed under Poems
Yellow tape around the mound
That used to be a house.
Not a creature stirs there anymore,
Not even my pet mouse.
I know it was an accident,
But it must not happen anymore.
I move to outlaw chimney climbing.
Santa will have to use the door.
I fell in love just ten hours ago
To, literally, the girl of my dreams.
We met while in prison and she kissed me so loud
That the guards thought the sound was a scream.
So they took her away and apparently killed her.
They fed her to Jabba the Hutt.
You can see why the dreamland convict I was
Felt like I’d been shanked in the gut.
And later I learned I’d inherited money
To pay off my million dollar “bounty.”
So I paid it and left, absolved for my theft
And fled to a different county.
There I met my love, alive and well
And we lived happily as we could have been.
Sometimes a poet need not be creative.
He need only remember his dreams.
Filed under Poems
Early Monday morning
And the sun has yet to rise.
My alarm clock is screaming
But I won’t open my eyes.
There are still many hours
Of sleep to be enjoyed,
So I don’t get up on Monday.
(That’s prob’ly why I’m unemployed).
Filed under Poems
