Tag Archives: Gross

Imagery (You’re Welcome)

I have trouble sleeping now

Because I had a dream

Involving my first cousin

And a gallon of whipped cream.

If you don’t think that’s creepy

Here’s the cherry on the top:

I live in Mississippi

So my cousin is my pop.

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About Your Pet Spider…

If you tell me to take care of

A monster with eight eyes

I hope you won’t be unhappy

When it inevitably dies.

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Mississippi Family Reunions

She said “My name is Margaret.”

He said “My name is Jake,

“And may I say, dear sister,

“You smell different when you’re awake.”

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Reason #4,231,278 I Love Texas

I got a letter from a woman:

“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.

I wrote back “That’s okay.

“I once f***ed a goat.”*

Believe it or not

She never wrote back.

It seems my sage wisdom

Got her self-esteem back on track!

*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.

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Jews In Mississippi

He showed us how to circumcise a redneck

In a way that none of us had done foresaw:

He found aforementioned redneck in his bedroom

Then kicked the redneck’s cousin in the jaw!

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A Vegetarian In Texas

I asked the waitress for tofu.

I thought that she was cute

Until she brought me a dildo

And said “Here’s your meat substitute.”

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Sharing Is Caring

If your roommates are loud

And you want them to hush

Just say “Hey roomie,

“Where’d you put our toothbrush?”

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