Tag Archives: Gross

About Your Pet Spider…

If you tell me to take care of

A monster with eight eyes

I hope you won’t be unhappy

When it inevitably dies.

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Mississippi Family Reunions

She said “My name is Margaret.”

He said “My name is Jake,

“And may I say, dear sister,

“You smell different when you’re awake.”

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Reason #4,231,278 I Love Texas

I got a letter from a woman:

“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.

I wrote back “That’s okay.

“I once f***ed a goat.”*

Believe it or not

She never wrote back.

It seems my sage wisdom

Got her self-esteem back on track!

*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.

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Jews In Mississippi

He showed us how to circumcise a redneck

In a way that none of us had done foresaw:

He found aforementioned redneck in his bedroom

Then kicked the redneck’s cousin in the jaw!

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A Vegetarian In Texas

I asked the waitress for tofu.

I thought that she was cute

Until she brought me a dildo

And said “Here’s your meat substitute.”

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Sharing Is Caring

If your roommates are loud

And you want them to hush

Just say “Hey roomie,

“Where’d you put our toothbrush?”

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I’ll Just Leave This Here

I asked a friendly prostitute

If she’d service a leper.

She looked at me a moment

And she said “yep, yep, yepper!”

We had a crazy evening.

Yes, it was quite a trip!

I asked “how can I thank you?”

She said “just leave the tip.”

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