Tag Archives: Random

Apparently “Oline” Makes Things Less Amusing

God has a sense of humor.

Ask me how I know!

I see proof in everything,

Like how the falling snow

Looks like the Millennium Falcon

Even before it was a thing,

Or how when we eat too much

Our butts spontaneously sing.

I like that sense of humor,

But one thing I don’t find funny

Is how, when I fart, my gas is free

But I still pay for gas with money.

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And You Thought They Just Slept A Lot And Licked Themselves!

Nobody knows the journey of a cat:

Where they go or what they do,

What secret groves within they sat

Or fearsome vermin that they slew.

No one knows the lives they’ve saved

And the worlds they lost in vain.

Such is the mystery of the cat;

Both majesty and pain.

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Type A Vs. Type Hey!

Some people spend their lives

Trying hard to do things right,

Making perfectly circular pizzas

And working through the night.

Other people live their lives

By doing what is fun

Though the pizza ends up looking

Like art the family dog has done.

Perfectionists unite, I say

And make the rocket ships

While the do-it-my-way folks

Make new flavors for the chips.

The harmony is perfect

Though perfectionists will glare

Because the have-some-funners

Smile back without a care.

But if the pizza’s spherical

Instead of round and flat

Take a bite: It tastes all right

And you’re the first to make it that!

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You Kinda Have To Read This Aloud…

Some art is low, and some is high;

You can judge which this one is:.

There was a smart guy

And this story is his:

He was a smart fellow

And he felt smart

But that isn’t yet the funny part…

See two smart fellows,

They felt smart

And that is just the very start.

Repeat with three, then four smart fellows

‘Til your enunciation mellows

And then… perhaps we’ll see, who knows…

A reason smart fellows can crinkle their nose.

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It’s Not Funny At All Until You Read It Out Loud, Out Of Context, To Your Friends

Toses ate ted

Violets ate blue.

Appatently changing a lettet

Makes things hungty, ctew!

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I Get It, I Am It, But It Is Done Unto Me

This morning as I wandered

Through the hallways of my mind

With hopes that I would stumble on

Something of an inspiring kind

I realized quite suddenly

That I had been so dense

As to never realize “Naked”

Was a verb in the past-tense.

I realize all this time

That I don’t ever nake,

But allow it to be done to me

When I go in a lake

Or when ai take a shower…

Yes, I always get naked

But never do I nake myself

Before I go to bed.

I’ve never dreamed of naking,

But I’ve dreamed of naking others.

A child can undress itself

But isn’t naked by mothers.

In fact it seems the only one

Who nakes remains unseen,

And I wonder if the Naker

Is new, or has always been…

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Yeah… The Swooshing Noises Would Get Old Pretty Fast… WAIT! Noise Cancelling Laser Armor!

The Jedi Order’s been around

For many thousands of years

And made a lot of laser swords

They didn’t give their peers.

These laser swords cut anything

Except each other, it seems,

And they block laser guns and stuff

And red ones oft cause screams.

My question for the Jedi,

Who claim to be guardians of peace,

Is why they never thought to make

An armor made of these?

A suit of laser armor

That blocks all forms of harm

Would prevent a lot of Jedi who

So often lose an arm,

As well as making everyone

Invulnerable to violence.

The only downside I can see

Is that the world would no longer have silence…

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Find Someone Who Loves Your Crazy?

I asked this girl that I just met

“What things make you feel upset?”

She said, “When I need to cry

“But alligators attack me from the sky.”

Then, like kind girls tend to do,

She asked “That’s me… how ’bout you?”

“Mostly milk, but also a falling gator.”

Then we agreed to marry later.

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When You Really Want To Do An Epic Rhyme But The Setup Is Bananas

There was a grammarian from Crimea

Who had a friend, Timmy Nadia.

Timmy N said “Gimme an

“Crimean simian”

And the grammarian said, “It’s ‘give me a.'”

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The Edge of Seventeen

There’s a lake just off the freeway

That I went to with a girl

And we sat beside the water,

Feeding nature to a squirrel.

We made noises with our mouths

And made each other laugh,

Then we got someone to feed us

And we only paid for half.

We saw folks in real pain

Pretend to hurt in different ways

While on a screen and in the guise

Of whatever film’s the craze.

Then I drove backwards up a hill

To drop her off at almost nowhere.

I think about her every time

I see that lake, but never go there.

Such is love and such is life

For one who sees the sun at night,

Who, knowing how they hunger so,

Gladly lets the bedbugs bite.

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