I asked this girl that I just met
“What things make you feel upset?”
She said, “When I need to cry
“But alligators attack me from the sky.”
Then, like kind girls tend to do,
She asked “That’s me… how ’bout you?”
“Mostly milk, but also a falling gator.”
Then we agreed to marry later.
Filed under Poems
There was a grammarian from Crimea
Who had a friend, Timmy Nadia.
Timmy N said “Gimme an
“Crimean simian”
And the grammarian said, “It’s ‘give me a.'”
Filed under Poems
There’s a lake just off the freeway
That I went to with a girl
And we sat beside the water,
Feeding nature to a squirrel.
We made noises with our mouths
And made each other laugh,
Then we got someone to feed us
And we only paid for half.
We saw folks in real pain
Pretend to hurt in different ways
While on a screen and in the guise
Of whatever film’s the craze.
Then I drove backwards up a hill
To drop her off at almost nowhere.
I think about her every time
I see that lake, but never go there.
Such is love and such is life
For one who sees the sun at night,
Who, knowing how they hunger so,
Gladly lets the bedbugs bite.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes you bite
A chocolate chip cookie
But it’s actually oatmeal raisin.
Sometimes you meet with
A girl you don’t like
But she’s actually really amazin’.
Sometimes you’re hired
For the job of your dreams
Which turns into something you dread.
Sometimes a cookie
Is only a cookie
But sometimes it’s a chimpanzee’s head.
Filed under Poems
I like hiking by the stream.
I like the taste of whipping cream.
I like having a happy dream.
Also, the electric chair.
Filed under Poems
If you gave a guy from Zimbabwe
A billion dollars cash
He could buy a whole lot of cattle
And a man with a lot of cattle is rich,
But if you give an American guy
A billion dollars worth of cattle
He can send his enemies cow poop
For the rest of his life,
So who’s the real winner?
Filed under Poems
I hope somewhere there is a bat
Who’s terrified of men
Who flew off to train with ninjas
And (insert syllables here) then
He became a vigilante
Fighting crime and stuff like that.
He holes up in his man cave
Because he’s called Manbat.
He wears a man-shaped costume
With a cape that’s shaped like fat.
The drives his manmobile badly
Because he is a bat.
I want this very badly
Mostly ’cause of the “man cave” pun.
His sidekick is called Flamingo
And yes, this poem is done.
Filed under Poems
Today I’m bored and kinda tired,
For sure not feeling too inspired,
So a thought emerged within my head:
Let robots do my job instead!
So I was nit at all upset
When a robot said “I can write a rhyming couplet.”
I said “write me a country song,”
And here’s the poem that came along:
——————————————————–
See the hightailing of the cowboy,
I think he’s angry at the ahoy.
He finds it hard to see the horse,
Overshadowed by the rainy field of force.
Who is that yodeling near the saddle?
I think she’d like to eat the cattle.
She is but a rural addition,
Admired as she sits upon a position.
Her leather car is just a beer,
It needs no gas, it runs on steer.
She’s not alone she brings a dog,
a pet dog, and lots of parts catalogue.
The dog likes to chase a truck,
Especially one that’s in the dabbling duck.
The cowboy shudders at the country gun
He want to leave but she wants the bun.
——————————————————–
The poem’s bad, and I think it’s neat
That I am not yet obsolete.
Sure, technology is fun
But robots 0, human 1.
