God has a sense of humor.
Ask me how I know!
I see proof in everything,
Like how the falling snow
Looks like the Millennium Falcon
Even before it was a thing,
Or how when we eat too much
Our butts spontaneously sing.
I like that sense of humor,
But one thing I don’t find funny
Is how, when I fart, my gas is free
But I still pay for gas with money.
Filed under Poems
Nobody knows the journey of a cat:
Where they go or what they do,
What secret groves within they sat
Or fearsome vermin that they slew.
No one knows the lives they’ve saved
And the worlds they lost in vain.
Such is the mystery of the cat;
Both majesty and pain.
Filed under Poems
Some people spend their lives
Trying hard to do things right,
Making perfectly circular pizzas
And working through the night.
Other people live their lives
By doing what is fun
Though the pizza ends up looking
Like art the family dog has done.
Perfectionists unite, I say
And make the rocket ships
While the do-it-my-way folks
Make new flavors for the chips.
The harmony is perfect
Though perfectionists will glare
Because the have-some-funners
Smile back without a care.
But if the pizza’s spherical
Instead of round and flat
Take a bite: It tastes all right
And you’re the first to make it that!
Filed under Poems
Some art is low, and some is high;
You can judge which this one is:.
There was a smart guy
And this story is his:
He was a smart fellow
And he felt smart
But that isn’t yet the funny part…
See two smart fellows,
They felt smart
And that is just the very start.
Repeat with three, then four smart fellows
‘Til your enunciation mellows
And then… perhaps we’ll see, who knows…
A reason smart fellows can crinkle their nose.
Filed under Poems
Toses ate ted
Violets ate blue.
Appatently changing a lettet
Makes things hungty, ctew!
Filed under Poems
This morning as I wandered
Through the hallways of my mind
With hopes that I would stumble on
Something of an inspiring kind
I realized quite suddenly
That I had been so dense
As to never realize “Naked”
Was a verb in the past-tense.
I realize all this time
That I don’t ever nake,
But allow it to be done to me
When I go in a lake
Or when ai take a shower…
Yes, I always get naked
But never do I nake myself
Before I go to bed.
I’ve never dreamed of naking,
But I’ve dreamed of naking others.
A child can undress itself
But isn’t naked by mothers.
In fact it seems the only one
Who nakes remains unseen,
And I wonder if the Naker
Is new, or has always been…
Filed under Poems
The Jedi Order’s been around
For many thousands of years
And made a lot of laser swords
They didn’t give their peers.
These laser swords cut anything
Except each other, it seems,
And they block laser guns and stuff
And red ones oft cause screams.
My question for the Jedi,
Who claim to be guardians of peace,
Is why they never thought to make
An armor made of these?
A suit of laser armor
That blocks all forms of harm
Would prevent a lot of Jedi who
So often lose an arm,
As well as making everyone
Invulnerable to violence.
The only downside I can see
Is that the world would no longer have silence…
Filed under Poems
I asked this girl that I just met
“What things make you feel upset?”
She said, “When I need to cry
“But alligators attack me from the sky.”
Then, like kind girls tend to do,
She asked “That’s me… how ’bout you?”
“Mostly milk, but also a falling gator.”
Then we agreed to marry later.
Filed under Poems
There was a grammarian from Crimea
Who had a friend, Timmy Nadia.
Timmy N said “Gimme an
“Crimean simian”
And the grammarian said, “It’s ‘give me a.'”
Filed under Poems
There’s a lake just off the freeway
That I went to with a girl
And we sat beside the water,
Feeding nature to a squirrel.
We made noises with our mouths
And made each other laugh,
Then we got someone to feed us
And we only paid for half.
We saw folks in real pain
Pretend to hurt in different ways
While on a screen and in the guise
Of whatever film’s the craze.
Then I drove backwards up a hill
To drop her off at almost nowhere.
I think about her every time
I see that lake, but never go there.
Such is love and such is life
For one who sees the sun at night,
Who, knowing how they hunger so,
Gladly lets the bedbugs bite.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 