Tag Archives: Random

Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!

When one says “I must be dreaming”

(Implying you’re something they snoozed)

You should slap them with a chicken

Just to make them more confused.

An alligator also works

But they’re tougher to hide.

Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic

I find it’s best to stay inside.

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They Told Me To Find My Passion… (AKA My Tool Is Longer Than Yours)

As my eyes met the tape measure

I felt the fire rear up in my heart

And I knew that in the future

I could measure

In metric or imperial units

How high those heart-flames soared.

Some people mocked my passion,

Said I’m weird for longing

To know how long my longing was,

But I say its better than being bored.

When I feel that need to now how I feel

And I pull out that flexible metal bar

And with each box, each wall I measure

The heavens ring with a music

Only it and I can hear,

A cord’s secret chord.

And somewhere in that tape measure

That sings our hidden music

I hope its heart is happy

Knowing my pocket will be its home

And gone are the days

When its passions were ignored.

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Two Keys To A Happy Mind

When you think about anything

It becomes weird,

Like why can’t tigers

Grow a beard,

Why would someone join

An introverts group,

And who first thought

“He’s a nincompoop?”

And eventually you will find

The answers are one of these

“Probably reasons I don’t get”

Or “Screw it! More chocolate please.”

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I Apparently Have Neither

Intelligence is knowing

That Xanthan Gum’s squiggly.

Wisdom is not suggesting it

As a flavor for Wrigley.

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And, Somewhere, A Naked Professor Sheds A Tear Over His Sushi And Immediately Regrets It…

If wishes were fishes

We’d eat way more trout,

If thoughts were diplomas

We’d have much more clout,

If logic were clothing

We’d mostly be nude,

But if teardrops were onions

We’d really be screwed.

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When Your Dream Job Is *This Close*

If I were a sniper

And also a duck

I’d rely on my training

And also my pluck

To take out a target

In one master stroke.

I’d let out a quack

When I see the guy croak.

Being a duck sniper

Some might call “fowl.”

But I could wear camo makeup

And maybe a cowl.

But alas I was born

With a bad lot of luck;

I could still be a sniper

But never a duck…

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Stallion Of The Sea!

A mermaid’s on my back

And another is in my jaws.

One appreciates my service

And the other sees my flaws.

My coat is warm and fluffy

And made of tiny molars.

I’m a great white horseshark

And my virtues have many extollers.

My mane is made of dreams

And my tail’s made of kelp

And if you could speak underwater

My presence would make you call for help.

I can smell blood from miles away.

I can run and jump and swim

But you prefer me to your boyfriend

‘Cause I understand you better than him.

Let’s go for a ride

And munch on a whale.

Who needs horseshoes

Or a boat to sail?

Yes, we can be friends,

Omnivorous kin.

But if you hate me I don’t mind.

I’ve got very thick skin.

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