Tag Archives: Random

When You Should Have Stopped After The First Weird Limerick

If you grew a six-foot long beard

You’d probably think it was weird

But after a while

You’d probably smile

And think “This ain’t as bad as I feared.”

And if a six-foot beard grew you

It would not know what to do

Because shaving’s a pain

And beards don’t have a brain.

These dilemmas are why I’m not a jew.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Yet We Know All About Sea Cucumber Reproduction…

If you took the Bible

And replaced the words “Mommy, look!”

With “I like to eat babies”

You’d have the very same book.

The same can be said for “Croissant,”

And “Wherefore art thou Juliet.”

I find it quite surprising

No one’s written a thesis on this yet.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When Your Eternal Soul Is An Introvert

Being human is great

But the best thing to be

Reincarnated as

(According to me)

Is the inside part

Of the roof of a home

‘Cause you aren’t at all sentient

And people leave you alone.

4 Comments

Filed under Poems

Toes

There aren’t very many

Who do not have any.

There’s a few who have fewer than ten.

But if you meet the ten-plussers

Who seem proud and aren’t fussers

They are almost certainly men.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Perhaps It’s Good Not To Remember Your Dreams

“Cyber chickens do not deserve Yolanda”

Was the first thought to pop into my head

When I sat down to write today’s poem

After exiting my way-too-comfy bed.

I don’t know the meaning of that musing

And likely it has no meaning at all

But if you are Yolanda do not settle

For a cyber chicken who isn’t on the ball.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Jack Didn’t Sense The Conspiracy Until It Was Too Late

Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers.

It seemed to him the decent thing to do,

Then sweated sweetly with some swarthy schleppers

To schlep the peppers way back home to you.

But you, alas, had since left for the seashore

To sell your silly seashells I don’t doubt.

So I went to the park to soothe our offspring.

Didn’t give tidy teeter-totter daughters time to pout.

But somewhere in my heart I felt a tugging…

The tongue-tied tugging you and Jack know well.

I hope it goes away as I fetch water.

But oops! I tripped or slipped. Jill? What the hell?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Please Objectify Me!

I think that in a former life

I was a block of wood

Because I like to do nothing

While smelling sort of good,

I’d be hurt if hit by a chainsaw

And I’m warm when set on fire.

My dream is to one day be famous

So next life I’ll be a Goodyear tire

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems