Tag Archives: Random

Perhaps It’s Good Not To Remember Your Dreams

“Cyber chickens do not deserve Yolanda”

Was the first thought to pop into my head

When I sat down to write today’s poem

After exiting my way-too-comfy bed.

I don’t know the meaning of that musing

And likely it has no meaning at all

But if you are Yolanda do not settle

For a cyber chicken who isn’t on the ball.


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Jack Didn’t Sense The Conspiracy Until It Was Too Late

Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers.

It seemed to him the decent thing to do,

Then sweated sweetly with some swarthy schleppers

To schlep the peppers way back home to you.

But you, alas, had since left for the seashore

To sell your silly seashells I don’t doubt.

So I went to the park to soothe our offspring.

Didn’t give tidy teeter-totter daughters time to pout.

But somewhere in my heart I felt a tugging…

The tongue-tied tugging you and Jack know well.

I hope it goes away as I fetch water.

But oops! I tripped or slipped. Jill? What the hell?

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Please Objectify Me!

I think that in a former life

I was a block of wood

Because I like to do nothing

While smelling sort of good,

I’d be hurt if hit by a chainsaw

And I’m warm when set on fire.

My dream is to one day be famous

So next life I’ll be a Goodyear tire

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The Good Orange: An Artificially Intelligent Poem

Today I decided to test the ability of our future robot overlords. What follows is a poem written by the predictive keyboard in my phone… basically me if I were a robot and not a lazy blogger.

The woman who needs a job

Is a good orange

And the only thing that is not a good idea

Is to be the one you want.

The woman who needs a job

Is a good orange

And orange is a great app

And the only thing that is not a problem

Was the only thing I could see.

The woman who needs to be the daughter

Is the only one I noticed.

About the way you want it:

You are the only thing I want.

Needless to say, I think world domination by artificial intelligence is a long way off!

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Single Man Seeking Non-Sequitur, Dirty-Minded Grammar Nazi Female

You laughed at me unreasonably

When I said “my name is Ben”

‘Cause you were thinking of the ’50s

When a lot of future men

Had names like Richard Jr.

But went by “Little Dick,”

And after you told me this

I knew you’re a girl whom up I should pick.

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Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!

When one says “I must be dreaming”

(Implying you’re something they snoozed)

You should slap them with a chicken

Just to make them more confused.

An alligator also works

But they’re tougher to hide.

Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic

I find it’s best to stay inside.

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They Told Me To Find My Passion… (AKA My Tool Is Longer Than Yours)

As my eyes met the tape measure

I felt the fire rear up in my heart

And I knew that in the future

I could measure

In metric or imperial units

How high those heart-flames soared.

Some people mocked my passion,

Said I’m weird for longing

To know how long my longing was,

But I say its better than being bored.

When I feel that need to now how I feel

And I pull out that flexible metal bar

And with each box, each wall I measure

The heavens ring with a music

Only it and I can hear,

A cord’s secret chord.

And somewhere in that tape measure

That sings our hidden music

I hope its heart is happy

Knowing my pocket will be its home

And gone are the days

When its passions were ignored.

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