Tag Archives: Random

Stallion Of The Sea!

A mermaid’s on my back

And another is in my jaws.

One appreciates my service

And the other sees my flaws.

My coat is warm and fluffy

And made of tiny molars.

I’m a great white horseshark

And my virtues have many extollers.

My mane is made of dreams

And my tail’s made of kelp

And if you could speak underwater

My presence would make you call for help.

I can smell blood from miles away.

I can run and jump and swim

But you prefer me to your boyfriend

‘Cause I understand you better than him.

Let’s go for a ride

And munch on a whale.

Who needs horseshoes

Or a boat to sail?

Yes, we can be friends,

Omnivorous kin.

But if you hate me I don’t mind.

I’ve got very thick skin.


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Meanwhile, Sales Of Potato Peelers Among Vengeful Ex-Lovers Skyrocket

You ask me how I got these cars.

I say “at the Chevy dealer.”

Then I realize you said “scars”

And I say “potato peeler.”

I now know two things very well:

I look like an evil clown

And local sales of Chevrolets

Are going to go way down.

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Not Your Average Love

She was a starving art history student,

Forced by fate towards whatever was prudent,

Yet she had a temptation she could not evade…

A man, in a sense, who with her heart played.

He was the Egyptian God of the dead,

With unlimited power and an animal’s head,

Yet despite devestation he doled out at will

His heart had an urge that he just couldn’t kill.

Her focus was on just money and Monet.

All of existence was under his sway.

She spent her days in the study of cubists.

He spent his evenings just being Anubis.

Somehow the two met at a holiday party.

She thought him a bad boy. He thought her a smarty.

The exchanged numbers and met up for brunch.

She loved his mystique. He loved how her bones crunch.

Yet, deep as their love was, they each said good bye

For they’d not live together unless she would die.

So ends the tale of this starcrossed romance

Of a girl and a God, both with un-gotten-into-pants.

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Dr. Seuss Beware!

There was a skunk named Dink

Who didn’t stink,

Which, at least for Dink, stank.

He played at skunk school

But smelled really cool

And thus his social standing sank.

They flunked the poor skunk

And he packed up his trunk.

He greatly disliked the school’s thinking,

But he too understood

Skunks can’t be what they should

If said skunks stunk like Dink did at stinking.

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The Agonies And TheEcstasies Of Being An Extremely Niche Web Celebrity

Nickelback called me

To let me know

They wrote a song

Inspired by my life.

Part of me feels

Honored by their intention,

But I’ll never listen to the song

Which should save me some strife.

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And The Bells Did Not Chime That Morning

I won’t give you the time of day

‘Cause, of the clock, I’m in the way.

(This line’s just setting up the final rhyme).

You’re the morning-bells’s knocker,

And you’d call me a clock-blocker

Except, of course, you haven’t got the time.

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The Personified Double-Negative

Tyrants will be tyrants.

Braggarts will be braggarts.

These statements are self-evident

And fear no refutation.

Logicians will be logical.

Artists will be artistic.

So do or do not contrarians

Deserve their reputation?

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