Tag Archives: Christmas

June 8, 2014 · 8:28 am

Climate Change for the Better: A Christmas Story

I for one like global warming.
Who wouldn’t mind extra Summer?
I guess at first in New Orleans
The flooding would be a bummer,

But all that would be rectified
When Santa relocates there
With his team of penguin helpers
And his red-nosed polar bear.

No longer are there jingle bells,
But strings of plastic beads.
Some zydeco Christmas Carols
Are what this country needs,

So drive your hummers and SUV’s
And feed beans to your cows.
I’ve enjoyed sharing my wisdom,
But now I’ve got some rabble to rouse.

At first I thought myself lucky
To finally have someone buy
At my birds-in-trees emporium,
No less, at Christmas time.

The first day they bought a partridge,
Then later doves and hens.
They bought seven swimming swans.
But it got disturbing when

They tried to buy athletic lords
And dancing ladies too.
They offered me millions for drummers.
What’s this bird seller to do?

So no, I don’t want to divorce you,
Unlike the parrot sings.
I just need the wedding band back
So I can sell them five golden rings.

Filed under Poems

December 26, 2013 · 10:21 pm

I got a dragon for Christmas,
And where my house used to be
Not a creature is stirring.
No, not even me.

See, it arrived all wrapped up
In gold wrapping paper.
I opened it, unaware
Of the upcoming caper.

Sure enough, once unwrapped
It flew into a rage,
And the dragon broke out
Of its carrying cage.

It blew fire from its nose
And gave off a roar
And it kept doing this
‘Til my house was no more.

Then it rose from the rubble
That it had created
And flew into the sky,
Its destructive urge sated.

So I lay down to sleep
Near a burnt fallen log,
And dream of next Christmas
When I’ll ask for a dog.