Tag Archives: Climate Change

The REAL Cause of Global Warming (and How to Fix It)

Before the internet was made

Antarctica was nice:

Just peaceful people chilling

On an endless sheet of ice.

But after wifi came along

Antarctica, once fine,

Fell immediately into

Inescapable decline

Because one lonely penguin

(Or perhaps a polar bear)

Signed on to ye olde internet

Just to see what’s there.

That was when the searcher

Received the first and fatal clue:

“Are you feeling lonely?

“Check out hot singles near you.”

Now I am not a penguin

(Nor am I a polar bear)

But whatever sorry animal saw

The advertisement there

Went looking for hot singles

Due to loneliness they felt,

Not thinking that the hotness

Just might cause the ice to melt.

Now we find Antarctica

Is little more than ocean

Because of one’s animal needs

(At least that is my notion).

So if we want the glaciers back

And want to stop tides rising

My must delete the internet

(At least that’s my surmising).

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Take That, Al Gore!

What if the Earth

Is God’s kitchen fridge,

Cold for millions of years

Until, recently,

God opened it up

To get out some divine beers.

The Earth got all warm

From the Heaven outside

Until, once again, the doors close

That or it’s just

What science is saying…

What I’m trying to say is: Who knows?

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This Snowman Had An Unusual Dream; You Won’t Believe His Request To Humanity!

I am an April snowman,

The last one of my kind.

My death is unavoidable

But honestly I don’t mind.

Death as I perceive it

Ain’t as bad as it might seem

Since to be a soggy carrot

Has, since childhood, been my dream.

Alas, I’m in Alaska

In the yukon, year-tound cold.

I’ve been around since Lincoln

Or so the story’s told.

My dreams seem unachievable

And thus I beg of you:

Please defund the EPA

And emit that CO2!

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Climate Change for the Better: A Christmas Story

I for one like global warming.
Who wouldn’t mind extra Summer?
I guess at first in New Orleans
The flooding would be a bummer,

But all that would be rectified
When Santa relocates there
With his team of penguin helpers
And his red-nosed polar bear.

No longer are there jingle bells,
But strings of plastic beads.
Some zydeco Christmas Carols
Are what this country needs,

So drive your hummers and SUV’s
And feed beans to your cows.
I’ve enjoyed sharing my wisdom,
But now I’ve got some rabble to rouse.

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