Tag Archives: Christmas

Christmas Somewhen

Somewhen there’s a child

In the snowy winter night

Staring upward into Heaven

And onto the brightest star.

Somewhen there’s a desperate man

Who lost his latest fight

Who’ll spend the snowy evening

In the backseat of his car.

Somewhen a chilly gentleman

Will give one final cast;

A trip to somewhere lonely ends

With pulling on a rod.

Somewhen there’s a virgin

Sitting on her ass

As it carries her to Bethlehem

Where she’ll give birth to God.

Somewhen at the skating rink

He steals a midnight kiss

As the lights and drinks are flowing

And all life seems to rhyme.

Somewhen brothers stand as one

Amidst a toxic hiss

And proceed to kill themselves

One shot at a time.

Somewhen wrapping paper tears.

Somewhen candles light

Someone’s unspoken birthday wish

And others left forlorn.

Among the bullets, bottles, candles,

Kisses, stars, and night

I hope another savior

Somewhen in you is born.

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Is Mary In Labor Yet?

We’ve waited for a while now

To celebrate some waiting,

Expectantly expecting

To be anticipating.

Today at last the wait can end

And world peace is beginning

Until the 26th occurs

And we resume our sinning.

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Just A Century Ago

In the year 1918

Amidst a world we’ve never seen

The fighters of the first world war

Showed what God made our hearts for.

Among the trenches, wet and cold

A German soldier was so bold

As to sing, rather than fight,

A verse or two of “Silent Night.”

As dawn turned from gray to blue

One soldiers voice soon became two

And before the song was done

Two armies voices soon were one

And bayonets with white flags rose

And enemies came nose to nose

To swap greetings and cigarettes:

One Christmas morning, no regrets.

Whether trenches or safe spaces,

Between all people and all races

Lives a love that’s oft denied

That no longer should we hide.

If for a day or for a year

We sing of peace so foes can hear

Then whether brown or beige or black

We may just hear our foes sing back.

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I’m Going To Say This Before Every Meal From Now On

Jesus was born in a manger

And in French “manger” means “to eat.”

I don’t know how that is relevant

But I still think it is neat.

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Christmas In Cascadia

We the people laugh and sing

Though our houses serve as graves

To the offspring of the forests

And the farms of evergreen slaves.

We hang lights on the bodies

Of the trees we cut ourselves

And celebrate the sootiness

Of indentured arctic elves.

Our celebration is offensive

To terrorists a world away

Thus to mention “Merry Christmas”

Means you’re probably anti-gay.

So just say “Happy Holidays,”

And smile and submit

So folks who think this poem is serious

Will not have a fit.

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When The Light Goes Out Things Get Dark

There is one green light bulb

From an old Christmas tree

In the upper-left-hand plastic ring

Of the thingy that holds together

A six-pack of generic-brand cola,

Reclining in an Ohio landfill,

Never again to be lit

Or decorate a house

Or hold public office,

But the bulb is happy

Because it will outlast the family

Who chucked it in a hefty bag

And forgot all about it.

The bulb remembers.

The bulb is patient.

The bulb is all out of mercy…

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Nice Guys Finish Last… It’s A Gift

All I want for Christmas

Is a lump of coal.

I hope I get one soon.

My only problem

Is I’m a good boy

And also that it’s June.

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Here’s Your Gift From Me :-)

‘Twas finally Christmas

And all over the place

Were lots of much better poems

So I’ll get out of your face.

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Happy Memories and Family…ish

Snow and presents,

Carols, nostalgia.

Yes, ’tis the season

And that’s why I called ‘ya.

We had a great year.

Yeah, the kids are alright.

I’m glad you’re my family.

Call you next year. Good night.

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Unintended Consequences

‘Twas two days before Christmas

And filling the sky

Were Amazon.com drones

Sent by those who clicked “buy.”

The children looked up

And they felt the lie slipping.

Parents said “Santa outsourced

“To get next day shipping.”

The children relaxed,

Curiosity sated

And went to their rooms

And for Christmas eve waited.

Meanwhile in Alaska

Somewhere near North Pole

Rudolph stood in line

To get on the state’s dole,

To collect unemployment

For now he could see

That his job, thanks to robots,

Had gone down in history.

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