It’s Christmas day!
It’s Christmas! Yay!
There are better things to do today
Than read this blog, so go away!
Tag Archives: Christmas
Carols In Da Hood
Today as I was driving
Through the downtown Detroit snow
I heard such lovely music as
“Oh Nightly Hoe,”
“Blew Christmas,” “Slay Ride,”
“Santa Baby-Daddy,” “Little Saint’s Dick,”
“White Privilege Christmas”
And “Look Who I Got With The Ice Pick.”
I would have felt unsafe but I
Was with someone known well:
My inner-city Christmas buddy
Da’First No’El.
Filed under Poems
December 23rd Urd Urd…
‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the all through the house
Everyone was everyone was wondering
“Why the **** is everything echoey?”
Filed under Poems
Amber Alert
What child is this
You laid to rest
That in my lap
Is sleeping,
Whose face glows white
Like the face of God,
And why won’t my cell phone
Quit beeping?
Filed under Poems
The String Theory of Christmas
‘Twas the night after Christmas
And the night before too…
Santa worked with the time machine
‘Til he turned blue,
For he needed to ship out
A few billion presents
To all of the children
Of all of the peasants.
The flux gear grew wonky
(Which you’ll see is not great)
And entangled poor Santa
Into some quantum state.
For Santa existed
And yet he did not,
As is demonstrable by
Some guy “Schroedinger’s” thought.
And so if you ask
“Mama, is Santa flying?”
She should say “yes AND no,”
Or else mama is lying.
Filed under Poems
If You Can Read This, Don’t Bother
Today is a holiday
As you likely know.
I ate. Now I’m lazy
So I’m gonna go.
Filed under Poems
When Your Vocabulary Is Larger Than Your Target Audience
‘Twas Christmas Eve morning
And one hirsute hyperborean
Was done making toys
And now streaming “The Mandolorian.”
In a matter of hours
Gifts would be delivered on-time.
Meanwhile, one naughty poet
Was pleased with a rhyme.
Filed under Poems
Strange Phobias
There once was a young christmas tree
Who saw mom and dad chopped by me.
It stands still for now,
But someday, somehow
It will run fresh out of mercy…
Filed under Poems
Christmas Somewhen
Somewhen there’s a child
In the snowy winter night
Staring upward into Heaven
And onto the brightest star.
Somewhen there’s a desperate man
Who lost his latest fight
Who’ll spend the snowy evening
In the backseat of his car.
Somewhen a chilly gentleman
Will give one final cast;
A trip to somewhere lonely ends
With pulling on a rod.
Somewhen there’s a virgin
Sitting on her ass
As it carries her to Bethlehem
Where she’ll give birth to God.
Somewhen at the skating rink
He steals a midnight kiss
As the lights and drinks are flowing
And all life seems to rhyme.
Somewhen brothers stand as one
Amidst a toxic hiss
And proceed to kill themselves
One shot at a time.
Somewhen wrapping paper tears.
Somewhen candles light
Someone’s unspoken birthday wish
And others left forlorn.
Among the bullets, bottles, candles,
Kisses, stars, and night
I hope another savior
Somewhen in you is born.
Filed under Poems
Is Mary In Labor Yet?
We’ve waited for a while now
To celebrate some waiting,
Expectantly expecting
To be anticipating.
Today at last the wait can end
And world peace is beginning
Until the 26th occurs
And we resume our sinning.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 