Tag Archives: True Story

Never Discuss A Desire To Expand One’s Vocabulary With A Maternal Figure When Poor…

Fate, ye tempting mountebank,

Whether spurious or not,

Can prove to be, to our free will,

A specious asymptote.

Atropos, supercilious,

Cuts our time; We must defer.

My mom paid me a dollar

To write this poem, so blame her.

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Search Engine Optimization

If you need to find info

Page 1 of Google’s where to go.

If you need to hide a thing

I’d suggest page 1 of Bing.

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World Peace, Step One

I saw a guy driving today

Who had a sign in their back window:

“Please stay back,

“New stick shift driver.”

I’m putting that in the back window

Of every car I buy

From this day forward.

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When A Kid Asks “Why Is Money Good?”

If you write someone a check

For $20.42

You’re basically giving them

A fancy IOU

That they can take to any bank

And swap for coins and bills

Which are, themselves, just IOUs

From folks on capital hill.

You can use these IOUs

To buy treasury bonds

Which are IOUs that pay you cash

Just for holding on.

If you cash these IOUs

You’ll find, in fact, you can’t

Because they’re just as meaningless

As the average Facebook rant,

But if you give them to your friends

Or drop them from the sky

You’ll become an instant hero.

Now do you regret asking “Why?”

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Cleatus Joins Facebook

I tried usin’ logic

On a lib’ral feller.

It was like throwin’ a flashbang

At Ms. Helen Keller.

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My Limerick Live-Stream

There once was a poet from WA

Who flew this morning to CA.

He rode in car

And it’s been good so far.

Also, he’s tired. HaHA!

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My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

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