Tag Archives: True Story

Penne For Your Thoughts?

What if, when the world was new

And nothing breathed and nothing grew

A race of beasts made of spaghetti

Were getting set and getting ready

To build cities, slim and tall,

In which they’d gather, one and all,

Until the dinosaurs emerged

And the noodle cities were submerged

Beneath the oceans, wide and blue,

Until they used their magic to

Bring down a stone wide as ten miles

To do away with rude reptiles.

Now, again the Earth was theirs.

Out of the ocean they built stairs

Only to find, in the dinosaurs’ place

A young and vibrant human race.

This time instead of genocide

By meteor ten miles wide

They made the human race instead

Love noodles much like they loved bread.

So when the noodle race was old

And slightly stale and very cold

They smiled, knowing all was not lost. The

Human race would make more pasta!

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In Other News, The Pipe Organ Will Be Renamed “The Vapiano”

Today at the store

I saw advertised

“Raspberry oranges”

Which I soon surmised

Were simply blood oranges

Rebranded so they

Would not offend those

Whose balls went away.

Now as days get longer

And evenings get hotter

I give thanks that raspberries

Are thicker than water.

If I buy some candy

With a blue-raspberry taste

I’ll know royal blood

Has great suffering faced.

I’ll go to church

For the raspberry of Christ.

Instead of blood running cold

I’ll make raspberry ice!

Yes, the pussification

Of America is sweet

‘Til the raspberry of Patriots

Signals final defeat!

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December 23rd Urd Urd…

‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas

And all through the all through the house

Everyone was everyone was wondering

“Why the **** is everything echoey?”

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Breaking: Illuminati Leader Identified At Last!

One day, a cat suggested

“Wouldn’t it be great

“If we walked up to humans,

“Who we obviously hate,

“And acted cute and fluffy

“‘While we multiply their struggles?”

That cat is world famous now;

His name is Mr. Snuggles.

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Domesticity 2.0

I built two homes in my mind

On a foundation of good intent.

One was perfect, charming, yellow,

But alas away it went.

The second house is red and black

And full of song and sharing,

And though it also may away

It’s worthy of my daring.

This darker home reminds me

Of the prayers I spoke when young,

Of Autumn wind and springtime rain

And hymns borne from my tongue,

A home of possibilities

Where nothing goes unsaid.

God willing, we’ll build it together;

Until then, it’s in my head.

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I wrote this at 8:00 AM

There once was an Airbnb

That played host to none other than me.

The wifi was slow.

Will this upload? I don’t snow…

I guess given time we will see.

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It’ll Get Better Soon… Maybe (Probably Not : )

Yesterday I wrote a joke

And thought I’d write more later.

By later I had decomposed

Into a couch potater.

From the fact ai wrote “potater”

I suspect that you can see

This week has not inspired

My most vibrant artistry.

So tonight I have a fallback

That I’ve used in ages past

Where I write a bit on writing

And use words like “grand” and “vast.”

I make questionable decisions

And lines with uneven meter,

And rap up the inanity

By rhyming with saltpeter.

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Five-Year Plan (Updated)

There’s a little yellow house

With tulips in the yard,

Home to a pair of dreamers

And an angel on the way.

One of them’s a teacher.

Her husband is a bard

Who sits at a computer

Making problems go away.

The echo from a timeless love

A love that first began

When she asked him to talk about

His “perfect five-year plan.”

There’s a little library

Inside that yellow house,

A studio where students come

To learn the clarinet,

A kitchen big enough to please

The more attractive spouse,

And two young hearts forevermore

As full as they can get.

They’re thinking of the day he said

“I want to be your man,”

The first of many steps within

His perfect five-year plan.

You’ll never hear a hateful word

Be spoken bu them there.

They never let an apple sit

On any empty chair.

They smile at every photograph

Hung on the family wall,

But they won’t say what happens when

The captain comes to call.

And when the five year plan was done

And the house was home to four

He’d renew the five-year plan

Another lifetime more.

But there’s a little yellow house,

For-sale sign on the lawn.

It never was the home for them

The bard had counted on.

Turns out a five-year plan for two

Won’t work with only one

No matter how much someone cries

When they know that it’s done.

The perfect lifelong five-year plan

In three months was complete,

But when you love someone that much

You can’t call it defeat.

The sun still shines, the waves still crash,

There’s still a dusk and dawn.

The leaves are green, the rain is wet,

His eyes are nearly clear.

Just like the clouds that once were grey,

His heart is moving on

From yellow houses, unborn kids,

The teacher, and his fear.

The one thing he won’t leave behind

And knows he never can

Are memories that came to life

Thanks to a five-year plan.

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Ordinary Life

The hours we spent painting gnome houses

And the hours we spent playing games

And the meals and walking

And laughing and talking

And whispering each others’ names,

The hour we spent after bedtime

Just wrapped in each other, in love,

And the sweet half an hour

That I was your tower

And your lips glowed from starlight above,

A greeting, a morning, a breakfast, adventure,

The downtime, the party, the kiss:

I cannot be lonely when you are my only;

No time was spent better than this.

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But They Only Had Spoons… #Tragedy

Today I ordered Sierra Mist and a fork

For lunch at a drive-through.

Thus ends my presentation:

“Why I have more fun than you.”

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