Tag Archives: True Story

“The Lousy Microwave” (Because I Spent All My Time On The Poem Instead Of The Title Today)

I have a lousy microwave.

It’s very very slow.

It take about two minutes

To melt a ball of snow.

If you want to boil water

A half an hour should do

And if you ever cook some soup

Go watch a film or two.

Your vegetables will not be steamed.

Your corn will not be popped.

The minute that you start it

It has already stopped.

It’s starting to annoy me

And get under my skin

And now I’ll either throw it out

Or try to plug it in.

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Monopoly

You all begin by passing “go,”

But who will win we don’t yet know.

You buy land with childish glee

Wherever two dice should decree.

This play continues for a while

And all the players wear a smile

Until the property is bought.

Then the game changes a lot.

Instead of paying endless rent

It pays to be of criminal bent

And spend a couple turns in jail

Before you pay a $50 bail.

But at this point the odds are high

That you know who is the guy

Who’ll win the game when all is done.

At this point it’s no longer fun.

But do you stop when joy is gone?

No! No! No! You carry on!

When bankrupt are the car and shoe,

The thimble’s dead and so are you

So ends the game, and that is when

The winner says “Let’s play again!”

Then you and the losers, at your behest

Punch the winner in his community chest.

Through the pain he says “Tsk, tsk.

“Then how about a game of Risk?”

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You Won’t Believe The Monkey’s Side Of The Story!

As we ran around the Mulberry bush

I thought that all was well.

Then the weasel was all like “Pop!”

And I was like “Dude, what the Hell?”

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All The Credit To You!

It took almost six whole years

But this blog has made it’s mark.

One-thousand and five subscribers

Have felt TDT’s spark.

It proves, with dedication,

Anyone can win it:

I did in 69 months

What a bikini-clad person does in minutes!

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*Cough* It Helps A LOT *Cough*

There once was an irreverent poet

With a blog, and he wanted to grow it

But with few likes per post

The internet host

Told google results not to show it.

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The Best Video Game Story Since Tetris

I lived in a two-story house.

The upper floor was mine.

I told my mom “I’m moving out.”

She said “you’re 10, so that’s fine.”

I tried to leave my little town

But an old man happened to see

And called “don’t go into the grass.”

Then ordered “follow me!”

I walked back with him to his lab

Where he forgot his grandson’s name

And gave me a living vegetable

That some people think is lame.

The old guy’s grandson challenged me

To a battle without gore

And I showed the power of friendship

Via my brand-new bulbasaur.

From that point on my journey

Is a blur of fallen foes

From Brock, Misty, and zubats

To a couple missingnos.

Somehow grandson Noname

Was always a step ahead

But I met him in Vermillion

And made his Raticate dead.

Then I beat organized crime,

Filled an encyclopedia,

Became the champion of the world

Without even leech-seeding ya’.

I am in fact the very best

So between you and me

I think the secret to success

Is skipping puberty.

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Another Dream Accomplished!

My dream is not too grandiose;

It’s simply to be less verbose.

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