Tag Archives: True Story

With Pictures (But Not Of That, You Pervert)

I have a voyeuristic cat

Who likes to look at this and that.

He’d probably be less entertained

If his own this and that remained,

But since he’s now a they/them

He’ll hop atop the bed: “Ahem.”

And when we finish he does not,

But instead meows: “You’re in my spot.”

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There May Also Be Breeding Involved…

There once was a digital horse

Who ran with electrical force.

It’s in my girlfriend’s phone

And now I’m alone

‘Cause she’s busy racing, of course!

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I Used To Write These At 11:59. Now I Write Them At 8:56. I Must Be Getting Old

I played D&D tonight

And we had an epic fight.

Now this nerd must rest his head

Because it’s past his time for bed.

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Privacy Would Be Preferred Tonight

There once was a Valentine’s Day

When I wasn’t alone (it’s today)

But I lacked the foresight

To post a poem before tonight

So here you go. Now go away!

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Happy Birthday Becky!

Today’s my lady’s birthday

(And this time it’s not my mom).

She’s redheaded and pretty

And I think she is the bomb.

She kicks my butt at Mario Kart

And grabs my butt covertly

And when anybody speaks ill of her

I tell them off quite curtly.

She’s 25 years old today

And full of fun and grace

And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar

And kiss her adorable face

And then, dear reader, after dark

We’ll do our favorite things. An

Act of love and passion

By which I mean play Wingspan.

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Tomorrow Will* Be Better

My family is here for the weekend.

My inspiration is not.

This poem has as much though into it

As people who name their dog “Spot.”


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Further Proof That Dumb Names Are The Root Of All Evil

I wonder if Julius Caesar

Had been given a manlier name

He wouldn’t have needed to conquer so much

And the world would never be the same.

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The Fantasy World Has More Normal Names For Its Cities

There once were some nerds from Puyallup

That imagined some monsters to wallop.

They played D&D

‘Til they passed level 3

And yes, that’s an actual place… Puyallup.

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My Fiancee Made Me Watch A Barbie Movie

There once was a prince named Stefon

Who met a fantabulous blon

De girl with long hair

And there was love everywhere

And oh god, please rescue me! I’ve made a terrible mistake! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable

There once was a beloved cat

Who thought it appropriate that

In a moment of passion

It would be in fashion

To smother my face with its fat.

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