Tag Archives: True Story

For Those Who Love To Laugh, Hiking, Traveling, And Food

We could’ve been a miracle

Like a bottle of lightning,

With ardor and passion

That bordered on frightening,

Two bits of a puzzle

That fate formed as one

Destined for fortune

And family and fun.

We could’ve been lovers

And best friends for life,

The textbook example

Of husband and wife.

You could’ve been my world,

My earth, sea, and sky,

If only your first message

Were more than just, “hi.”

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Actual MCU Pitch Meeting, Featuring Greek Food

There one was a film about heroes

That didn’t gross quite enough zeroes.

Disney said, “Make it funny

“And we’ll make way more money,”

Then the CEO ordered some gyros.

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So That Happened…

Yesterday, the internet

Decided to be rude

And with regards to a poem I wrote

The scheduling was eschewed.

The poem in question, “A Halfass Ballad

Was supposed to be published today

But instead it published an hour before

I wrote it yesterday.

Apparently a time machine

Malfunctioned for a bit

And made the WordPress platform

Look like a load of… anyway

The point of this poem

Is I put effort and thought

Into “yesterday’s” poem

So today effort give I’ll not.

Seriously though… go read “A Halfass Ballad.” It may be the last good poem I publish for some time, as longtime readers are aware. And if you’re still reading this italicized footnote, obviously you have plenty of time on your hands so don’t say “But I just read today’s poem, so I can’t go back and read another one.” Because you can. Also, if you already read “A Halfass Ballad,” read it again because it’s more interesting than this. Seriously, why are you even still here? Love ya!

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Quit Selling Drugs And Make REAL Money

If you’re a burglar

And want to do something bad

To an ex-CIA agent

Turned middle-class dad

I think you ought to

‘Cause although you’ll get killed

Hollywood will tell your story

And teen boys will be thrilled.

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In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice

I use to think that crack cocaine

Was a terrible social ill,

Until the other type of Coke

Reclaimed the top of the hill

By training its employees

That they should be “less white.”

If folks buy crack then c’est la vie

But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.

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That’s Almost As Many “Likes” As Teenagers Can Say In One Minute Without Even Trying

I’m 8 “Likes” away from 21,000

In the history of my blog.

My heart is very excited

And my soul is like a dog.

If 8 more people like my crap

I’ll finally achieve my goal

Of getting as many likes as a girl

Who posts dancing pics with a pole.

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This Poem Will Be Featured Tonight On CNN

In the future we will have peace

Just so long as we silence everyone

Who says we’re like Nazis

Because Nazis lost

And losing is for people who work

And have independent thought.

Also, Jews hurt the economy.

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Baby Fat

They made a bigger, safer playground

For the children at the school

And the big kids and the babies

Both agree it’s pretty cool,

And the makers cash their checks

For saving kids from pain

And the parents who know better

See the baby fat remain.

They made a kinder, gentler college

For the kids of yesteryear

Where thinking is discouraged

Because it sometimes causes fear

And the makers plan the lessons

And the students love their chains

And the thinkers keep their distance

And the baby fat remains.

They made predictable excitements

For the prisoners of money

And the watchers and the buyers

Say “That’s scary,” or “That’s funny,”

And the makers give themselves awards

For cutting with the grain

And the living have walked out

Because the baby fat remains.

They gave us safer deadly toxins

And harder automatic wins

And a tolerant sort of hatred

And more pleasant deadly sins.

The makers smile, their strategy

Entirely on track

Because the folks who have the baby fat

Are folks who don’t fight back.

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The REAL Cause of Global Warming (and How to Fix It)

Before the internet was made

Antarctica was nice:

Just peaceful people chilling

On an endless sheet of ice.

But after wifi came along

Antarctica, once fine,

Fell immediately into

Inescapable decline

Because one lonely penguin

(Or perhaps a polar bear)

Signed on to ye olde internet

Just to see what’s there.

That was when the searcher

Received the first and fatal clue:

“Are you feeling lonely?

“Check out hot singles near you.”

Now I am not a penguin

(Nor am I a polar bear)

But whatever sorry animal saw

The advertisement there

Went looking for hot singles

Due to loneliness they felt,

Not thinking that the hotness

Just might cause the ice to melt.

Now we find Antarctica

Is little more than ocean

Because of one’s animal needs

(At least that is my notion).

So if we want the glaciers back

And want to stop tides rising

My must delete the internet

(At least that’s my surmising).

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Tomato, Tomahtow

My sister called me self-disciplined.

I said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

She said, “You publish a poem EVERY DAY.”

I said, “That’s just low standards and a routine!”

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