Tag Archives: True Story

I Started Writing This Poem In Real Time As We Tried To Watch A Movie, And ai Committed Way Too Hard To The Gimmick…

Portable DVD player

Why are you useless?

You should make life easier

But instead cause us stress.

I wish I could shoot you

In the face with a gun

But you don’t even have a face…

Another reason you’re no fun.

I’m writing this ode to you

As a professional IT person

Tries to make you work at all

Yet the situation does still worsen.

You are naughty, bad, and stupid

And a big mean jerk

But I’d rescind those judgements

If you’d just freakin’ work.

A part of me is fearful now

This poem will not end

Because you are our tech enemy

And not our entertainment friend.

Don’t you see the pain you’re causing

Readers of this blog?

All this to watch a DVD…

What a somber slog.

I would skip ahead in time

To tell you how this ends

But if we made a graph of progress

And analyzed the line of trends

I think the universe would end

In heat death before long

So just sing this poem over and over

Like the 99 bottles of beer song.

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Last Night’s Bad Decisions Lead To… Not Exactly Redemption

Whenever a poem begins with “tonight”

You pretty much know it’s no good

So this morning I’m writing early

Because I figure I should.

The problem is autobiographical poems

Are also universally mediocre

So maybe instead of being a poet

I should take up professional poker?

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Perhaps The Most Extraordinarily Literal Poem Ever

Tonight, I lay in bed and rest

So tomorrow I can make a quest

Southward past the Emerald City

Where law enforcement’s really shitty.

I’m going there to see my girl,

Upon whom all my thoughts do swirl.

We’re working on my latest book

And soon you’ll get an early look!

So yeah, that’s all I have to say…

Just a life update and marketing play.

She is great and so are you

And now I need to sleep. Yahoo!

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In Other News, How Did 10:53 Become “Late”?

There once was a poet in bed

With ideas flush in his head,

But he stayed ip too late

And, as was his fate,

He dashed down a limerick instead.

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True Stories from a Man’s Kitchen

Today I made some cheesecake

That I got from a mix.

I mixed a lime and whipping cream

With several cream cheese sticks,

But when I picked the mixer

To taste the final yum

I realized I forgot to add the mix

And yes, I’m really that dumb!

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My Girl Called This “So Sweet” … Should I Be Worried?

I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.

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Remember When I Was A Bachelor And Wrote Funny, Cynical Stuff? Yeah… About That…

I took a nap and pet a cat

And read a book and brushed a horse

And now I write a poem about that

That’s precisely eight lines long, of course.

Some days you will stress and struggle;

Some days you’ll complain and whine.

Today I smiled and chose to snuggle

A ginger angel, mine all mine.

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Eight Lines In Two Minutes… I’m Inspired 🥰

Tonight I was abducted

By a girl with rosy hair

And forced into abiding love

Of depth both fine and rare.

She’s brushing her teeth now

And I’m trying to write this fast.

(This wasn’t my first “my girl’s here” poem

And it surely won’t be my last).

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Progress

When I write poems in the evening

They’re terrible, so today I said

“I’m going to write my poem first thing”

And now I’m bad in the morning instead!

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My Job Application

Today I applied

For a job at Haikuists

And my resume

Was almost complete

But alas this applicant

Didn’t think ahead.

They asked for Haikus

About Love and Spring and Cats

But they had no space

For me to submit

These poems, and so I post

Them for your sake here:

Spring In Protland

Spring is in the air…

So is pollen, and it rains

While the sun still shines

Cats

Fickle feline friend…

Six pounds of pure killing force…

What a cutey pie!

Love

You will meet someone

And your soul will fill with fire

Be sure to hydrate

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