Tag Archives: True Story

I’m A Mediocre Redneck, But I’m Enthusiastic About It

I places 3rd out of 4 teams

At the cornhole tournaments.

I scored 6 points in two games

And I’ve felt so manly since.

I also walked in a cardboard box

And fell on my cardboard face.

That’s a Wednesday afternoon

At my Summer place!

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Road Trip Anthem

Today I took a little drive

That did not make me smile and thrive.

I’d summarize the sojourn thusly:

Worthy of a verbal cuss. We

Stopped and go’ed, and go and stop

Now let’s go 80! Was that a cop?

Nope, no cops are on the road

And why can’t that Kia explode?

Also, props to the white car chap

Who had a kitty on his lap.

Those are hours, forever gone

And meanwhile Kia guy lives on…

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She’s Still My Muse, But…

I wanted inspiration

So I asked my girlfriend to tell

Me anything that starts with a”A”.

It didn’t go so well…

“Um… um…” my girlfriend mumbled

As I asked again, “What starts with A?”

Finally she said, slightly annoyed

“Anchovie.” Then she said “Okay.”

I asked her to say literally anything

And she replied again “Hm.”

Then she pretended she didn’t hear the question

And said “David! David! Bum.”

It didn’t make for a masterpiece

But she inspired this poem you’re reading.

Now I’ll let you get back to your life

And let mom get back to her beading.

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Artistic Priorities

Today I was a DJ

At a wedding for my friends.

It was great, but tiring

And thus this poem ends.

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The Good Life

Today I played some rock and roll

‘Til ten o’clock at night,

Then when outside to watch a comet

In his fiery flight,

Drank some cool tap water

That soothed a tired throat

And pondered why the universe

Decided ducks should float.

Some of this was worldly

And some was wild and rough

And some was almost childish

But not nearly enough.

So when you watch the news and think

The world has gone to hell

I hope you play some rock and roll

‘Til ten o’clock as well.

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Deep Thoughts

I think of all the seaweed

The one that gets the most teased

Has got to be the kelp

‘Cause their name rhymes with help.

I think of all the jewelry

The one suffering the least tomfoolery

Would have to be the silver

By the same logic as previously.

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It’s The Thought That Counts?

I wrote this poem earlier

But published it tonight.

I hope you find that tactic

Is both fair and alright.

I did it ‘cause when I am tired

And weary from the day

My poems are bland and meaningless,

But so’s this one, so hey!

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Seriously, When Was The Last Time You Went To The Movies And Enjoyed It?

Someone in Hollywood decided

“What if instead of crappy flicks

“We badly remade everything people love

“And when they complain, say that they’re dicks?”

Everyone outside Hollywood

Disliked this judgement call,

But on the bright side, now people

See that books aren’t that bad after all.

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Evening Haikus

Nightfall comes upon

My body. It’s dark and long…

But no homo, ‘kay?


Everything is dark,

Quiet, calm, the world at peace.

Then I stub my toe…


I should be asleep

But instead I’m writing jokes

About dicks and pain.

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The Ballad Of Marshmellow, Pt. 116

There once was a belly-up cat

Whose entire body was made of fat.

He lay on his back,

Then with claws did attack

And then fell asleep just like that!

Our Hero

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