We met online at 12:00 AM
And bonded over cats.
We bared our souls with smileys
And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.
We texted back and forth a bit
Before we met in real life.
You thought I was kinda cute.
I knew you’d be my wife.
But as the days and weeks went by
Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.
You kept some of the gifts I sent you
But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!
So now I’m naked, watching Louie
On Amazon TV
Regretting how your heart did not
Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.