Tag Archives: Online Dating

She’ll Start Exercising In January

The lady on the internet

Wrote “5551618.”

I thought that was her phone number

But, alas, ’twas just her weight.

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There Is No Hidden Meaning. You’re Welcome.

I met an Indian guy on Tinder,

A philosopher named Deepinder.

I couldn’t understand most of what he said

So he said “Date my brother Shallowinder instead.”

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Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!

A minute with me

Is an hour in Heaven,

But no woman will know

‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.

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Plenty of Fish

He stood on the granite cliff

Screaming hoarsely

Over the roaring black ocean.

From one of the shores beyond

An echo returned to him:

“Citygal17498 has blocked you.”

But mostly there was silence.

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Maybe It Tasted Good A Few Years Ago?

I want a sandwich

With clams, beets, and garlic

Sprinkled with liver and thyme

Topped with two scoops

Of pistachio ice cream

And the zest of a two-week-old lime

All smeared on a loaf

Of gluten-free flatbread

Served on a hard rubber plate.

You get it when you order

A nice BLT.

I call it “The Internet Date.”

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Wherein A First-Time Internet Dater Realizes Honesty Is Overrated

I have no ambition,

Motivation, manly vigor.

I have very little money

And just three inches down there.

I wish I were more macho,

Richer, smarter, or just bigger

But your ad said if I’m honest

Then you really couldn’t care.

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Lots Of Variety, At Least

I’ve got a great idea

For an online dating site

Wherein critical care patients

Can be Mister or Miss Right.

Those not long for this world

From Tennessee to Guam

Can find a short-term love

At ExpirationDate.com

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