Tag Archives: Gifts

She Did Not Laugh Throatily

She asked me for a diamond necklace.

I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.

She asked me for a diamond necklace

But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.

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Fline Then

I gave someone a gift

Of pigeons sitting on a rock.

When they asked why I told them:

“I don’t give a flying flock.”

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For Those Of You Wondering…

Whether getting or giving,

As long as you’re living,

No matter how epic the thrift

It will always be true…

(Just between me and you)

Life insurance is a bad birthday gift.

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When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien

We met online at 12:00 AM

And bonded over cats.

We bared our souls with smileys

And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.

We texted back and forth a bit

Before we met in real life.

You thought I was kinda cute.

I knew you’d be my wife.

But as the days and weeks went by

Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.

You kept some of the gifts I sent you

But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!

So now I’m naked, watching Louie

On Amazon TV

Regretting how your heart did not

Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.

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And It Was On Sale Too!

Sometimes its hard

To find gifts for a friend,

But this week I stumbled

On the be all and end.

I’ve a friend with a fetish

For girls who’ve petite,

Dainty, smooth, delicate,

And sensual feet.

I bought him a 35-inch

Yardstick, which I think is neat

Because he will enjoy

The three unusually-small feet.

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I Made Them For You!

Goats don’t make good rolling pins:

That’s how this recipe begins.

They kick and spit and stomp and bray

But my cookies taste fine anyway.

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Chocolate and Jewelry: Done

‘Twas two days before Christmas

And off at the mall

Were all of the husbands

Who dropped the gift ball.

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