The Morning News

Good morning, I’m your anchorman

Stu Earlyforme.

Today, Beverly Hills, 90210

Cleveland Browns, 3.

In an unrelated story

UPS has hired

For delivering heavy packages

River, a female tiger.

Though mostly quite successful

She’s been criticized of late. These

Critics say its dangerous

When the tigress River meets yo’ freight needs.

A new study from Harvard

Indicates the transgender switch

Can give patients speech impediments.

It’s titled “Man or Myth?”

And finally porn star ventriloquist

Ada Youknowwhat faced rejection

When pitching her new sitcom

Entitled “Yeast Inflection.”

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