Tag Archives: Funny

Accidental Victories

Alex Trebek said “It’s used to indicate

“A person or object in the speaker’s sight.”

Bewildered, I asked “What is that?”

And it turns out I was right.

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Cooked Allah Mode

There is a mighty crater here

Where recently there wasn’t.

Ali-Baba said his bomb works

And I said “No it doesn’t.”

Ali-Baba sure was right.

Correct ’twas the hunch he had,

But he misread the bombs locale.

Thus ended his jihad.

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Adventures In Milk Purchasing

I am a human

Who lives in a place

Where food can be purchased to eat.

Some take that for granted,

Some think it’s a nuisance,

And I think it’s pretty darn neat.

But sometimes I wonder

About fellow shoppers

Who bought before I came along.

I used to think fondly

Of my fellow humans*

But now I have proof I was wrong.

*This is a lie, but the photo is real

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You Pull Me Down (The Alcohol Song)

When my body is strong

And my conscience is clean,

When troubles flee

And there’s no pain to be seen

Then I sip you

And fade into the white noise

Until the darkness comes

And has its way with me.

You pull me down

So I can walk on water.

You pull me down

To kiss a killer bee.

I am loud

And damp and have a bee sting.

You pull me down

And show the real me.

Then I awake

And find my house is tattered,

My lampshade’s gone

And so’s my front door key

And on my arm

My blood says “Margueritte wuz here.”

I don’t know her

But I guess she knew me.

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Still Want Super Powers?

Super strength at tea parties,

Super speed in bed,

Shoot lasers from your eyes

Whenever you say “I thee wed,”

Flight while on an airplane,

Access to Betamax knowledge,

Or being a straight white male

But only when applying to college.

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The Fact That I Think This Is Hilarious Is Also Hilarious… Or Is That Just Me?

If I were Chinese and Italian

My name would be Ho D’Addario.

I’d feel happy in my rural home

(But probably concealed carry though).

And one day I would know

My life was going well

When folks’d say “Hi Ho D’Addario!

“The farmer’s in the dell!”

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The Placelandian National Anthem

Placelandia! We celebrate

The nation that is not a state,

The place where politicians come to die!

Where residents have common sense

And our plan for national defense

Is not to be a dick to folks nearby.

Placelandia! We celebrate

Our lack (so far) of Watergate

Or other nasty scandals of that kind.

Where citizens think differently

And something backs our currency;

A country built with happiness in mind.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

A nation that can safely be ignored.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

Where drama-seeking tourists will be bored.

Placelandia! We celebrate

That here nice guys can get a date

And nobody is told they must comply.

Where everybody owns a Glock

And Fox exec Rupert Murdoch

Would not have had to cancel Firefly.

Placelandia! We celebrate

A place mostly devoid of hate,

Where legs just shave themselves if given time.

We hope you have enjoyed this song

And pop stars didn’t sing too long

Before the very easy ending rhyme.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

It’s a pretty snazzy kinda joint.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

Okay, okay, okay! We get the point!

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