Tag Archives: Puns

Rape Culture?

I was the star of my football team

Through high school and beyond.

I was six-foot four, 400 pounds…

When I walked I shook the floor.

When I got to college

I tried out for the offensive line

But apparently “make me a sandwich”

Had been used, and I was declined.

I dieted, I exercised,

I worked both day and night.

I dropped to a mere 250 pounds

And practiced catching right.

I came back my sophomore year

And became the team’s tight end.

I got a jersey and a girlfriend.

I thought my life was on the mend.

But, through football player logic,

I thought some heads needed a dent.

The police disagreed with me

So off to jail I went.

Now four years later I return,

No longer a brawler or deceiver.

You may go to jail a tight end

But you return a wide receiver.

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And That Is Why Some People Shouldn’t Have Dragons…

If I get a pet dragon

(For business or for kicks)

I’ll hide it in my dungeon

And prob’ly call it Trix.

I’ll feed it little children

To give it a dragon’s fix,

But mostly for the privilege of saying

“Silly rabbit, kids are for Trix!”

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Why I Got A Hepatitis-F On My Biology Exam

“Hepatitis A

And Hepatitis B

Are differentiated by

The number of hours they study.”

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How To Make French Toast?

Could somebody help me, perchance?

I’m vacationing somewhere in France

And my most gracious host

Asked to make them a toast

But objected when the eggs and cream got on their pants…

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But Will The Buck Stop There?

There’s a deer in the bathroom.

Its name, we don’t know.

We’ve decided to call her

By the name of “John Doe.”

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JurASSic Park?

I’ve debated for a while

The moral consequences

Of selling my body for money.

But when I undress

I find to my distress

That people just think it is funny.

So I hired somebody

Who looks a bit like me

To portray me in screenwritten sex.

He’s an older man

With a history in movies

Named Tyrannosaurus Rexxx.

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I Stole These Jokes And Made Them Rhyme… You’re Welcome

A Mexican magician

Was the epitome of grace.

He would count “uno, dos,”

Then disappear without a tres.

He did this trick in Europe.

When he reappeared he said “mama mia!”

Then he asked “can you see me now?”

And the crowd said: “Yes, oui, si, ja.” 

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