Tag Archives: Puns

Polar Bear Illiteracy Kills

A polar bear showed up today

Covered in blood, he smiled: “Hey!”

Think of why. What’s that? You can’t, huh?

Maybe it was ’cause I mentioned “Mall Santa…”

This poem was intended for December, but apparently you can’t schedule a post that far in advance. Just don’t read this for 270 days, ok?

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The Chosen Pun

We’re locked in our houses

Away from the world,

Sanitizing ourselves

As our lives come unfurled.

As we wipe down possessions

The thing I don’t get

Is why “Spring Cleaning” jokes

Aren’t popular yet.

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The Buck Stops Here

I’ve been working the suicide hotline

For the better part of a year

But when someone says

“I want to jump in front of a car”

I can’t help but say, “Oh deer!”

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Now You Know Why!

I was a cock a huntin’

For a wily, free-range hen

I needed a set of wheels

That appealed to chicks, so then

I went to get a car loan

And I jumped through a hoop.

Now I’m clucking happy

Crossing the road in my chicken coupe.

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This Is Why Blueberry And Strawberry Yogurt Are Popular

Men want to talk about grape yogurt.

Women want to talk about patriarchy.

Men like talking about grape culture.

Feminists dislike the letter “G.”

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Plot Twist: They’re Canadian

My ducks were quacking noisily,

Apparently upset.

That’s as close to “In a row”

As my ducks ever get.

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Mother’s Always Right

My mother told me

“You know you’ve hit rock bottom

“When you spank statues.”

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