Tag Archives: Puns

A Depends-able Workers

My boss said I’m incompetent

Because I visit the bathroom a lot.

Then I developed incontinence

And now visit that room I do not.

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Another Cow Poem

Jared was still very small

When he saw cattle fall

Into a slumber, fast and deep.

With no reason or rhyme

Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”

And so Jared went home and fell asleep.

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Golden Slipper

I slipped on a banana

And fell on my butt

And it excited me

Because you know what?

Everyone told me “you’ll never

“Be yogurt” but I fought ‘em

And now look at me!

I’ve got fruit on the bottom!

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A Meal To Die For

I was in Transylvania

On a foolish holiday

When a vampire decided

To make me not ok.

I saw that he was hungry

But I sought to understand

What filled this monster’s heart

In this spooky far-off land.

He said when he was mortal

He had owned a ranch,

And the finest heads of cattle

Came from his European branch.

He longed for the days of yore

When cooking was an art,

So I cooked him up a ribeye.

It was a steak through his heart.

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Aldous Approves

There once was a gaudy raven

Who wore a crown, but wasn’t a king.

A pair of humans saw this

And plotted a wicked thing.

They aimed to kill the impostor

So around the land ‘twould be heard:

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

“Two kill a mock king bird!”

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One Joke Too Far

I walked up to my teacher

When I was eight years old

And smiled widely and said this,

Or so I have been told:

“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog

“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?

“He was afraid of too much mush room.”

That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.

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Get It? Like Fairy… Where Are You Going?

I know a guy who never buys anything

Unless he can find it on sale.

I know another who loves unicorns;

They’re both into fair retails.

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Race War, The Board Game

Every time you set up a game

Of chess and take a pawn

You’ve created a token minority.

That’s all for tonight… moving on…

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And What Did They Say About Dinero?

And herbivore eats herbs

And a carnivore eats meat

And an omnivore eats everything

Which I think’s really neat.

I don’t have a lot of money

And traveling in Spain was I

And somebody said “Por favor”

And now I’m just waiting to die.

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The Sons Of Reuben Were All Prophets?

I think that Jesus didn’t have children

Because if he had children then

He’d make them sandwiches, but they’d complain

“Daaad… pastrami and rise again?”

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On the other hand, Moses was famous

For his sandwiches. That’s what I hear.

In fact, back in Egypt I heard he was voted

The Nigev desert’s manna the year.

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