Tag Archives: Puns

New Discoveries In Fad Gastronomy

I’m on a new diet

Where I stand outside

As the rain pours upon me

And softens my hide,

Where the drumbeat of storms

And the wind’s icy whip

Shall grab fat from my bones

And from my body strip.

This diet’s approved

By the Gods of the gale,

Guaranteed by the ancients

To make man out of whale.

While such primeval cures

Do at first seem too frightening

I do endorse this diet

Of Thunder and Lightening.

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Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor

Sometimes I take a bath

To ease the stress of taxation.

I fill the tub with herbs

Such as thyme for relaxation.

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A New Rainbow Awakens

I’m feeling kinda down

Like a king without a crown.

I’m cowardly, as yellow as they come.

I’ve read like half a million books

By a bunch of chefs and cooks

But about sustainability I’m still dumb.

I thought maybe I’d fit in

If I changed my skin

But this spray-tan makes me look like that guy on the news.

You put it all together

In the rain or sunny weather…

I’ve got the well-read, not-green, yellow, orangey-white guy blues.

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Not Pictured: Half-Full Glass, Girlfriend?

Everything in my life sucks

So I spend a lot of time

With my vacuum cleaner

Because I love irony

And clean floors.

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The Favorite Joke Of A Stuffed Llama Named “Lee”

I was traveling in Delhi

When I noticed something smelly,

A lentil dish I didn’t want at all.

I asked “what’s that?” They said

“That’s for punishment,”

And explained to me the dish was vudu dahl.

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…of Wrath?

You may not think it’s fine

To live life as a mulcher

At a vineyard, but don’t whine

Just ’cause you’re part of grape culture.

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Really Though, How Do You Spell The Last Word?

I looked at all the people

Seated in their chairs.

I told them “I won’t paint the steps”

But I only got blank stares.

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