Tag Archives: Puns

Feel The Burn

I’m not a really kinky dude

(As you may have surmised)

So I don’t know if this is real

But I wouldn’t be surprised:

There should be a dating site

For folks who “sub” or “dom”

To meet in public places…

“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”

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Starting With The End In Mind

I wanted to be a journalist,

A master of the black and white,

But they said “You can’t ’cause you’re a bear.”

I studied far and wide

And bought the AP style guide,

But still no one would hire me… no fair.

Then one day I got a deal

To write one article for real

About how to better manage stress.

It was temp work, but hey!

Now I’m honest when I say

I am the only true Panda, Ex-Press.

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Almost Year of the Ox…

I was in San Francisco

Looking for a Gucci bag.

I saw one that was perfect

But it didn’t have a tag.

I asked the asian shop clerk

“Is this real? I’m not a cop.”

He said, “Bag not counterfeit,”

And that was bull in a china shop.

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More Inspiring Covid Stories

I used to dress in a suit and tie

And drive off to my job

Creating animated models

For my supervisor, Rob.

One day, Rob pulled me aside

And said, “Work from home, dude.”

I’m still an animator

But now I model nude.

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Exercise in the Park

I asked, “Jerry, how do I

“Improve my upper body strength?”

He said, “A bench press

“Is a good place to start, Mark.”

I thought of his advice

And pondered it at length,

Then I grabbed my iron

And went to the city park.

I told the people and the pigeons

That they must depart,

Then I pressed into that bench

Until the steam had all but ceased.

I still have a weak torso

But Jerry said that it’s a start,

And even so I must admit

The bench looks better creased.

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The Ends Justify The Memes

Leisurely athlete

With a camera on her head…

Yo, slow GoPro hoe!

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When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order

Dab and Deb were walking

To meet up with Dib and Dob.

(Dub was nowhere to be seen).

Then Dab began to sob.

The first sentence is the beginning

And the third one is the ending.

Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”

Now wasn’t that mind-bending?

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‘90s Kids Won’t Get This Joke

Dr. Pepper was hit by an iron

He recently confessed.

When asked how he was feeling

He said “I’m soda pressed.”

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Typical Bird Answer…

A young male eagle was hunting

And swooped down on a dove.

He asked his girl, “What now?”

And his girl squawked, “Eat prey, love.”

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Do I *Detect* A Garment That Doesn’t Fit… That’s Unsuitable

Geico has a gecko,

Aflac has a duck,

But my insurance company

Has no such mascot luck,

So instead of selling policies

I’ll be a stock-market trader

With a well-dressed crocodile mascot

Called the Investi-Gator.

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