Tag Archives: Puns

The Fact That I Think This Is Hilarious Is Also Hilarious… Or Is That Just Me?

If I were Chinese and Italian

My name would be Ho D’Addario.

I’d feel happy in my rural home

(But probably concealed carry though).

And one day I would know

My life was going well

When folks’d say “Hi Ho D’Addario!

“The farmer’s in the dell!”

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Checkmate Feminists!

Men are from Mars.

Women are from Venus.

You can’t be happy

Without a hap-piness.

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Waxing Philosophical (Hume’r Wasn’t In Descartes)

I think that great philosophers

Who from the old days came

Were the ones who didn’t laugh

At each others’ stupid names.

Think of how the commons laughed

And asked Ptolemy why

They had to spell his name

Starting with a silent pi.

Think of how these silly names

Through laughter would disable those

Who sought to set their Platos

And forkos on the tableos.

Think of poor Epictetus

The flat-chested stoic

And poor Heraclitus

Whose parents misspelled “heroic.”

I hope there’ve Bentham fun times

Locke’d within this rant.

Some days I’m very Thoreau

But today I said “I Kant.”

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Single Man Seeking Non-Sequitur, Dirty-Minded Grammar Nazi Female

You laughed at me unreasonably

When I said “my name is Ben”

‘Cause you were thinking of the ’50s

When a lot of future men

Had names like Richard Jr.

But went by “Little Dick,”

And after you told me this

I knew you’re a girl whom up I should pick.

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The Morning News

Good morning, I’m your anchorman

Stu Earlyforme.

Today, Beverly Hills, 90210

Cleveland Browns, 3.

In an unrelated story

UPS has hired

For delivering heavy packages

River, a female tiger.

Though mostly quite successful

She’s been criticized of late. These

Critics say its dangerous

When the tigress River meets yo’ freight needs.

A new study from Harvard

Indicates the transgender switch

Can give patients speech impediments.

It’s titled “Man or Myth?”

And finally porn star ventriloquist

Ada Youknowwhat faced rejection

When pitching her new sitcom

Entitled “Yeast Inflection.”

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That Blows!

My urine is made of pure oxygen

Because of a disease that’s rare.

It’s not that bad except for the fact

That my parents called me “Pierre.”

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Dating Asian Women?

My girlfriend left me yesterday,

Just took her stuff and went,

Yet left behind a little gift

For her now former-gent.

She left a bottle of soy sauce,

My sorrows for to drown.

She just could not resist the urge

To Kikkoman when he’s down.

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