Tag Archives: Puns

Island’ed On Another Pun

One time I went to Hawaii

And I let out a heavy sighii

‘Cause it’s very hot in paradise

And aloha temperature would be nice.

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After A While, You Take What Puns You Can Get

There once was a plant from Japan

That had varicose veins and went snap. An

Evening I glanced it

And it unzipped my pants. It

Turns out it was a veinous fly trap.

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A Lonely Knight

I showed up to a young singles event

In plate armor head-to-toe,

But the organizers said I looked Middle Aged

And so I had to go.

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Betting On A Diamond

You couldn’t love a gambling man,

A pal who plays the odds,

Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench

In the plans of man and Gods.

You said you’d never take a chance

On a poker-faced son

But I’d bet if you took a chance

You’d find me pretty fun.

You used to ace your math exams.

You were the queen of school

But the odds weren’t in your favor

With Jack, the king of cool.

Jack would have told you “yes, of course”

If you asked him to dance

But no-go there! You didn’t dare

To take this simple chance.

So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight

So let me take the shot:

If you give me your hand of fate

You may just win a lot.

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English Joke Because I Have To Get Up At 5:00 Tomorrow

Joe said “I have will gone to the pier.”

Bo said “It just got two tense in here.”

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Get It? Cause One’s Glad And One’s… Oh, Nevermind

Some people were happy to fight

In the colosseum’s spotlight.

They were called gladiators, it’s said.

Some of them had freakin’ laser beams

And were greeted by all the young ladies’ screams;

They were called Rad-iators instead.

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The Woke Agenda’s Fatal Flaw

One of the problems with globalism

Is that some Scandinavian guy named Anders

Is going to meet a muslim guy named Salaam

And a third party will greet them both

By shouting “Salaam, Anders!”

And some guy terrified of reptiles

Will sue for emotional damages.

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Tyranny Bugs Me

There they were, two armies,

One in black and one in red

Swarming from their anthill

Knowing one must soon be dead.

One was sponsored by Les Schwab Tires,

The other by Steve’s Work Pants.

One army shouted “We will be victorious!”

The other screamed “Death to tire ants!”

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Maybe “Reckless” Is The Wrong Word…?

I went to a gathering of people

Who like to drink and drive,

Pull quickly into traffic…

On recklessness they thrive.

They’re the reason we have accidents

And I almost forgot to mention

That there were lots of nerds there.

It was a start wreck convention!

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Paper And Scissors Can’t Top This

I exercised my glutes until they were hard as rock.

I entered a hardass contest and thought I was a lock.

I flex my bum! The judges gasp! I’m certain that I’ve got ‘em!

But even though my butt won first, I’d really hit rock bottom.

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