Tag Archives: Puns

A Depends-able Workers

My boss said I’m incompetent

Because I visit the bathroom a lot.

Then I developed incontinence

And now visit that room I do not.

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Another Cow Poem

Jared was still very small

When he saw cattle fall

Into a slumber, fast and deep.

With no reason or rhyme

Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”

And so Jared went home and fell asleep.

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Golden Slipper

I slipped on a banana

And fell on my butt

And it excited me

Because you know what?

Everyone told me “you’ll never

“Be yogurt” but I fought ‘em

And now look at me!

I’ve got fruit on the bottom!

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A Meal To Die For

I was in Transylvania

On a foolish holiday

When a vampire decided

To make me not ok.

I saw that he was hungry

But I sought to understand

What filled this monster’s heart

In this spooky far-off land.

He said when he was mortal

He had owned a ranch,

And the finest heads of cattle

Came from his European branch.

He longed for the days of yore

When cooking was an art,

So I cooked him up a ribeye.

It was a steak through his heart.

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Aldous Approves

There once was a gaudy raven

Who wore a crown, but wasn’t a king.

A pair of humans saw this

And plotted a wicked thing.

They aimed to kill the impostor

So around the land ‘twould be heard:

“Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

“Two kill a mock king bird!”

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One Joke Too Far

I walked up to my teacher

When I was eight years old

And smiled widely and said this,

Or so I have been told:

“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog

“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?

“He was afraid of too much mush room.”

That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.

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Get It? Like Fairy… Where Are You Going?

I know a guy who never buys anything

Unless he can find it on sale.

I know another who loves unicorns;

They’re both into fair retails.

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Race War, The Board Game

Every time you set up a game

Of chess and take a pawn

You’ve created a token minority.

That’s all for tonight… moving on…

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And What Did They Say About Dinero?

And herbivore eats herbs

And a carnivore eats meat

And an omnivore eats everything

Which I think’s really neat.

I don’t have a lot of money

And traveling in Spain was I

And somebody said “Por favor”

And now I’m just waiting to die.

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The Sons Of Reuben Were All Prophets?

I think that Jesus didn’t have children

Because if he had children then

He’d make them sandwiches, but they’d complain

“Daaad… pastrami and rise again?”


On the other hand, Moses was famous

For his sandwiches. That’s what I hear.

In fact, back in Egypt I heard he was voted

The Nigev desert’s manna the year.

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