I’m not a really kinky dude
(As you may have surmised)
So I don’t know if this is real
But I wouldn’t be surprised:
There should be a dating site
For folks who “sub” or “dom”
To meet in public places…
“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”
Tag Archives: Puns
Starting With The End In Mind
I wanted to be a journalist,
A master of the black and white,
But they said “You can’t ’cause you’re a bear.”
I studied far and wide
And bought the AP style guide,
But still no one would hire me… no fair.
Then one day I got a deal
To write one article for real
About how to better manage stress.
It was temp work, but hey!
Now I’m honest when I say
I am the only true Panda, Ex-Press.
Filed under Poems
Almost Year of the Ox…
I was in San Francisco
Looking for a Gucci bag.
I saw one that was perfect
But it didn’t have a tag.
I asked the asian shop clerk
“Is this real? I’m not a cop.”
He said, “Bag not counterfeit,”
And that was bull in a china shop.
Filed under Poems
More Inspiring Covid Stories
I used to dress in a suit and tie
And drive off to my job
Creating animated models
For my supervisor, Rob.
One day, Rob pulled me aside
And said, “Work from home, dude.”
I’m still an animator
But now I model nude.
Filed under Poems
Exercise in the Park
I asked, “Jerry, how do I
“Improve my upper body strength?”
He said, “A bench press
“Is a good place to start, Mark.”
I thought of his advice
And pondered it at length,
Then I grabbed my iron
And went to the city park.
I told the people and the pigeons
That they must depart,
Then I pressed into that bench
Until the steam had all but ceased.
I still have a weak torso
But Jerry said that it’s a start,
And even so I must admit
The bench looks better creased.
Filed under Poems
The Ends Justify The Memes
Leisurely athlete
With a camera on her head…
Yo, slow GoPro hoe!
Filed under Poems
When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order
Dab and Deb were walking
To meet up with Dib and Dob.
(Dub was nowhere to be seen).
Then Dab began to sob.
The first sentence is the beginning
And the third one is the ending.
Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”
Now wasn’t that mind-bending?
Filed under Poems
‘90s Kids Won’t Get This Joke
Dr. Pepper was hit by an iron
He recently confessed.
When asked how he was feeling
He said “I’m soda pressed.”
Filed under Poems
Typical Bird Answer…
A young male eagle was hunting
And swooped down on a dove.
He asked his girl, “What now?”
And his girl squawked, “Eat prey, love.”
Filed under Poems
Do I *Detect* A Garment That Doesn’t Fit… That’s Unsuitable
Geico has a gecko,
Aflac has a duck,
But my insurance company
Has no such mascot luck,
So instead of selling policies
I’ll be a stock-market trader
With a well-dressed crocodile mascot
Called the Investi-Gator.
Filed under Poems
