Tag Archives: Puns

Brought To You By Guest Author “Cal Endar.” (Not Really)

I want to talk about the months

And where their names came from.

Please know all of these are true

Even if they sound dumb.

Jan and Ferb Uary

Were brothers who shared a belle.

Jan got mad and misspelled Ferb’s name

But it all ended up pretty well.

March is based on Mcdonald’s logo.

April was the belle Jan and Ferb liked.

May is a grammatically better version of “can.”

June’s the month that nobody liked.

July was Julie, but was sad about Ferb

And got misspelled too ’cause she was so stressed.

August was named by a Texan who

In his accent said the words “I guessed.”

September was God’s gift to calendar’s everywhere.

October was named by someone who thought Ctober was lame.

Nov and Dec Ember were also brothers

But are last in the year ’cause they both had a stupid name.

I hope you feel more knowledgable

About months, but you probably don’t.

I hope you share this with your friends

But if you’re a smart person you probably won’t.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

I Had An Idea And I Ran With It… Please Don’t Sue Me

I read a headline today

About some medical supplements

Who killed a baker’s apprentice.

I couldn’t help but say “oh boy.”

What else can you say

When you read in the paper

A headline that says

“Pills bury dough boy.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Lots Of Variety, At Least

I’ve got a great idea

For an online dating site

Wherein critical care patients

Can be Mister or Miss Right.

Those not long for this world

From Tennessee to Guam

Can find a short-term love

At ExpirationDate.com

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Stanzas 2, Thought 0

When I moved into

The mobile home park

I thought my life

Was turning dark,

But I found pleasure

As I sought paying labors

In the form of melo-

Dramatic neighbors.

If you say “hello”

They say “Hail traveler!”

You say “I like Charizard,”

And they say “I love Graveler!”

It’s like they’re in a movie,

So although my life’s a failure

I take solace in the fact

They’re a theatrical trailer.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

New Discoveries In Fad Gastronomy

I’m on a new diet

Where I stand outside

As the rain pours upon me

And softens my hide,

Where the drumbeat of storms

And the wind’s icy whip

Shall grab fat from my bones

And from my body strip.

This diet’s approved

By the Gods of the gale,

Guaranteed by the ancients

To make man out of whale.

While such primeval cures

Do at first seem too frightening

I do endorse this diet

Of Thunder and Lightening.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor

Sometimes I take a bath

To ease the stress of taxation.

I fill the tub with herbs

Such as thyme for relaxation.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

A New Rainbow Awakens

I’m feeling kinda down

Like a king without a crown.

I’m cowardly, as yellow as they come.

I’ve read like half a million books

By a bunch of chefs and cooks

But about sustainability I’m still dumb.

I thought maybe I’d fit in

If I changed my skin

But this spray-tan makes me look like that guy on the news.

You put it all together

In the rain or sunny weather…

I’ve got the well-read, not-green, yellow, orangey-white guy blues.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems