I opened up a shop today
To sell yew trees to all.
I planted the woods last Spring
And I’ll close the shop this fall.
Unfortunately, my business plan
Still has a few crossed wires:
As it turns out, only Yew
Can prevent forest buyers.
Tag Archives: Puns
Even More Inflation!
So an OnlyFans subscription
Is $20 bucks a week?
And might be even more expensive
For a “creator” at her peak?
Forgive me if I shudder
Because that sounds like lots and lots;
In my day the gold standard was
A penny for your thots.
Filed under Poems
Untold Abe Lincoln Story
They said “Be the change you want to see”
And I was about to imagine bliss
Then you asked, “Penny for your thoughts”
And whoops! I’m stuck like this!
Filed under Poems
PANned By The Critic?
I drew an unflattering picture
Of my friend as a half-goat-half-man.
He didn’t understand it was satyr-ical
But I’m doing the best that I can.
Filed under Poems
There’s A Colonel Of Truth Here…
In the civil war, a soldier fled
Across the Kentucky border,
Seeking to preserve his life
By disobeying his orders.
But when he crossed he found himself
On more unfriendly soil.
The deserter was taken hostage
And executed with boiling oil.
I don’t blame you if this story
Might make you quake or sicken,
But its moral is important:
How Kentucky fried the chicken.
Filed under Poems
Oregon Agriculture
A cattle ranch was neighbors
With a marijuana farm.
They thought the two could coexist
And not cause any harm.
Now the cows are singing Green Day songs
And I can’t tell a lie:
I never dreamed proximity
Could make the steaks so high.
Filed under Poems
That Birch!
I bought a leaf blower the other day
And my trees are so happy it’s crazy.
I asked one tree “Why do you smile at me?”
Tree said, “Well, my wife’s gotten lazy…”
Filed under Poems
Goodness Me, Is That More Than 100 BPM My Good Sir?
When your heart beats really fast
That’s tachycardia
(Or so the doctors would have you believe).
But if your heart beats quickly
And you’re upper-middle class
It’s classycardia. (Ok, I’ll leave)
Filed under Poems
This Is Why Horses Became Popular In The Wild West
When robbers hold their guns out
And bellow, “Stick ‘em up”
The whole ordeal is really rather crass.
But it gets even worse
When they try to rob the livestock
‘Cause then the robbers “Stick ‘em up” your ass.
Filed under Poems
Pronunciation Matters
The church tells us
That prejudice is bad.
On the other hand, pre-Judas
Were the best years Jesus had.
The Daily Travesty 