Tag Archives: Puns

Proof That Cutting Your Dick Off Is Heroic

When a guy decides he’d rather be female

And undergoes surgery, then

I think they become the most powerful mutants

Because, after all, they’re ex-men.

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Why Animals Are Better Naked

In the beginning

When Adam and Eve

Decided to hide

Their groins with some leaves

A great cat of Eden

Chose to enhance

Its modest appearance

By wearing some pants.

Were he a cheetah,

A leopard or lion

Their would be no problem

And all would be fine.

Alas, ’twas a puma

Who chose to get dressed

And he said “I puma pants”

And was teased ’til depressed.

And so he went naked

And other beasts did the same

Until that one girl

And the dog-sweaters came…

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Feel The Burn

I’m not a really kinky dude

(As you may have surmised)

So I don’t know if this is real

But I wouldn’t be surprised:

There should be a dating site

For folks who “sub” or “dom”

To meet in public places…

“Strike-Anywhere Match.com”

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Starting With The End In Mind

I wanted to be a journalist,

A master of the black and white,

But they said “You can’t ’cause you’re a bear.”

I studied far and wide

And bought the AP style guide,

But still no one would hire me… no fair.

Then one day I got a deal

To write one article for real

About how to better manage stress.

It was temp work, but hey!

Now I’m honest when I say

I am the only true Panda, Ex-Press.

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Almost Year of the Ox…

I was in San Francisco

Looking for a Gucci bag.

I saw one that was perfect

But it didn’t have a tag.

I asked the asian shop clerk

“Is this real? I’m not a cop.”

He said, “Bag not counterfeit,”

And that was bull in a china shop.

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More Inspiring Covid Stories

I used to dress in a suit and tie

And drive off to my job

Creating animated models

For my supervisor, Rob.

One day, Rob pulled me aside

And said, “Work from home, dude.”

I’m still an animator

But now I model nude.

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Exercise in the Park

I asked, “Jerry, how do I

“Improve my upper body strength?”

He said, “A bench press

“Is a good place to start, Mark.”

I thought of his advice

And pondered it at length,

Then I grabbed my iron

And went to the city park.

I told the people and the pigeons

That they must depart,

Then I pressed into that bench

Until the steam had all but ceased.

I still have a weak torso

But Jerry said that it’s a start,

And even so I must admit

The bench looks better creased.

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The Ends Justify The Memes

Leisurely athlete

With a camera on her head…

Yo, slow GoPro hoe!

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When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order

Dab and Deb were walking

To meet up with Dib and Dob.

(Dub was nowhere to be seen).

Then Dab began to sob.

The first sentence is the beginning

And the third one is the ending.

Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”

Now wasn’t that mind-bending?

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‘90s Kids Won’t Get This Joke

Dr. Pepper was hit by an iron

He recently confessed.

When asked how he was feeling

He said “I’m soda pressed.”

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