Tag Archives: Puns

One Trapdoor Mishap Later…

I went through a stage when I was an actor.

I think the hole in the floor was a factor.

The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.

Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!

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The Heroes We Need

The closest of friends

Were Buttock and Cheek.

One was quite hairy,

The other quite sleek.

Whenever the world

Seemed wrong for a bit

The two came together

And stopped all that shit!

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OI?

Someone told me

R*pe jokes aren’t funny.

I said, “You’re right, they’re knot.”

The time wasn’t ripe

To leave anyone hanging,

So I used a different * than they thought.

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Is This Too White, I Wonder ™?

Body and bread,

Sword and sheaf;

Stalk of muscle,

Blade of leaf;

Sweet or sour,

Baked or no;

It rises within us:

Tae Kwon Dough!

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Low Siento…

Somewhere, there’s a Mexican wizard

Who can’t hear what people say.

I’ve heard he’s a deaf supremacist

And a member of the “Que? Que? Que?”

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Kindness

I offered a homeless guy a place

To sleep under my roof.

He said to me, “I’m not a ceiling fan.”

Then to himself: “Lol, what a goof!”

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LGBTQ, Not 10JQKA

I like to play poker with drag queens

‘Cause whenever they draw an ace

You know right away

‘Cause you know what they say:

They struggle to keep a straight face.

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An Eggxcellent… Oh, Nevermind…

I meant to write a verse that’s funny

Involving Jesus and a bunny.

Alas, the laughter all was cheap

And so I left without a peep.

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Polar Bear Illiteracy Kills

A polar bear showed up today

Covered in blood, he smiled: “Hey!”

Think of why. What’s that? You can’t, huh?

Maybe it was ’cause I mentioned “Mall Santa…”

This poem was intended for December, but apparently you can’t schedule a post that far in advance. Just don’t read this for 270 days, ok?

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The Chosen Pun

We’re locked in our houses

Away from the world,

Sanitizing ourselves

As our lives come unfurled.

As we wipe down possessions

The thing I don’t get

Is why “Spring Cleaning” jokes

Aren’t popular yet.

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