I know a guy who never buys anything
Unless he can find it on sale.
I know another who loves unicorns;
They’re both into fair retails.
Tag Archives: Puns
Race War, The Board Game
Every time you set up a game
Of chess and take a pawn
You’ve created a token minority.
That’s all for tonight… moving on…
Filed under Poems
And What Did They Say About Dinero?
And herbivore eats herbs
And a carnivore eats meat
And an omnivore eats everything
Which I think’s really neat.
I don’t have a lot of money
And traveling in Spain was I
And somebody said “Por favor”
And now I’m just waiting to die.
Filed under Poems
The Sons Of Reuben Were All Prophets?
I think that Jesus didn’t have children
Because if he had children then
He’d make them sandwiches, but they’d complain
“Daaad… pastrami and rise again?”
—————————————————————
On the other hand, Moses was famous
For his sandwiches. That’s what I hear.
In fact, back in Egypt I heard he was voted
The Nigev desert’s manna the year.
Filed under Poems
When Life Gives You
Steve the alligator
Looked at the lemon rind
That, squeezed out and discarded,
In the swamp he did find.
The lemon said “Life gave me
“And thus did I die,
“So I warn you dear gator
“That your time is nigh.”
Filed under Poems
Yeah, The Secret Paedophile Lizards Have Gone Too Far Now…
I needed some lubrication
(Not for that, you dirty cad!)
So I went to the supermarket
To see what types they had.
They had oil made from olives,
Coconuts, almonds, sunflowers,
And ingredients I can’t pronounce
Even if I tried for hours.
But then I saw a product
That set my blood a boil:
Somebody was selling there
A jar of baby oil!
Filed under Poems
All True, But It Should Have Ended Eight Lines Sooner
If you put yogurt into a tube
It changes its name to Gogurt.
If you put yogurt into a friendship
It changes its name to brogurt.
If you plant yogurt deep in the forest
Someday it just might growgurt.
If you give it high heels and make it dance
You could say its a showgurt.
Carols In Da Hood
Today as I was driving
Through the downtown Detroit snow
I heard such lovely music as
“Oh Nightly Hoe,”
“Blew Christmas,” “Slay Ride,”
“Santa Baby-Daddy,” “Little Saint’s Dick,”
“White Privilege Christmas”
And “Look Who I Got With The Ice Pick.”
I would have felt unsafe but I
Was with someone known well:
My inner-city Christmas buddy
Da’First No’El.
Filed under Poems
Shocking, But More Power To Him, Even Though He Misspelled It (Inspired By Current Events)
My buddy made a statement
That I didn’t really hear
So I looked at him and asked
“Volt times ampere?”
Apparently that wasn’t
The response for which he’d planned,
Thus he retorted “What?”
And I said “I’m shocked you understand!”
Filed under Poems
Taaaake… Me To The Ri. Vuh… (Drop me in the wa. Tuh…) But An Octave Lower
The guys who, in the ‘90s,
Made the singing Big Mouth Bass
Will be long renowned by history
For redefining “urban class.”
Alas, they could have changed music
Had they thought ahead so far
As to make an instrument
They called the “bass guitar.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 