Tag Archives: Puns

Exercise in the Park

I asked, “Jerry, how do I

“Improve my upper body strength?”

He said, “A bench press

“Is a good place to start, Mark.”

I thought of his advice

And pondered it at length,

Then I grabbed my iron

And went to the city park.

I told the people and the pigeons

That they must depart,

Then I pressed into that bench

Until the steam had all but ceased.

I still have a weak torso

But Jerry said that it’s a start,

And even so I must admit

The bench looks better creased.

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The Ends Justify The Memes

Leisurely athlete

With a camera on her head…

Yo, slow GoPro hoe!

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When Movies Aren’t In Chronological Order

Dab and Deb were walking

To meet up with Dib and Dob.

(Dub was nowhere to be seen).

Then Dab began to sob.

The first sentence is the beginning

And the third one is the ending.

Someone said “Smack Dab in the middle of it.”

Now wasn’t that mind-bending?

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‘90s Kids Won’t Get This Joke

Dr. Pepper was hit by an iron

He recently confessed.

When asked how he was feeling

He said “I’m soda pressed.”

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Typical Bird Answer…

A young male eagle was hunting

And swooped down on a dove.

He asked his girl, “What now?”

And his girl squawked, “Eat prey, love.”

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Do I *Detect* A Garment That Doesn’t Fit… That’s Unsuitable

Geico has a gecko,

Aflac has a duck,

But my insurance company

Has no such mascot luck,

So instead of selling policies

I’ll be a stock-market trader

With a well-dressed crocodile mascot

Called the Investi-Gator.

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When You Stretch For The Pun And Hurt Yourself

I want what a former president may do

Were he a bird who saw a speck

‘Cause I don’t like the words “and a.”

I want a Bush’ll peck.

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One Trapdoor Mishap Later…

I went through a stage when I was an actor.

I think the hole in the floor was a factor.

The said “Break a leg,” so I did obey.

Now I have my own cast I don’t have to pay!

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The Heroes We Need

The closest of friends

Were Buttock and Cheek.

One was quite hairy,

The other quite sleek.

Whenever the world

Seemed wrong for a bit

The two came together

And stopped all that shit!

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OI?

Someone told me

R*pe jokes aren’t funny.

I said, “You’re right, they’re knot.”

The time wasn’t ripe

To leave anyone hanging,

So I used a different * than they thought.

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