If I owned an evaporation ray
That could turn humans to ash
I think it would help motivate
My roommates to take out the trash.
I had to write an essay
About why I deserve financial aid.
I wrote about the 10,000 horsepower
Machine gun-slash-jetpack I made.
They said “Thanks for your application
“But, alas, this year we can’t…”
And at that point I spotted an unlikely hero
And proceeded to kidnap their aunt.
Well sure, I’m a villain I guess.
I act violently when under stress
And if I kill someone
And it’s not in good fun
I consider the day a success!
I was failing Econ 101
So I put on my lowest-cut blouse
Snuck into my professor’s office
And sat on the pad for his mouse.
He came in and I said, “Professor
“I’ll do anything to get an A.”
Little did I know my professor
Had an evaporation ray…