Tag Archives: Villains


They made the Joker movie

Where the villain was relatable.

Then they made “Cruella”

And made killing dogs debatable.

And I know that coming soon

To theaters near me

Is a film called “Adolf:

“A young art student’s story.”

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The Thief’s Downfall

I scouted out the diamond vault.

I broke in late at night.

I yoga’ed through the laser beams

And set the door alight.

I grabbed the bag of jewels

As the distant sirens screamed,

But as I made my exit

I forgot something, it seemed…

My velvet gloves were black as jet,

My goggles oversized.

My bicycle-powered plane was fast

But soon I realized

I’d left my top hat in the vault

As through the clouds I sailed.

Yes, I got away scot free

But, in my heart, I’d failed.

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Super-Villains: The College Years

If I owned an evaporation ray

That could turn humans to ash

I think it would help motivate

My roommates to take out the trash.


I had to write an essay

About why I deserve financial aid.

I wrote about the 10,000 horsepower

Machine gun-slash-jetpack I made.

They said “Thanks for your application

“But, alas, this year we can’t…”

And at that point I spotted an unlikely hero

And proceeded to kidnap their aunt.


Well sure, I’m a villain I guess.

I act violently when under stress

And if I kill someone

And it’s not in good fun

I consider the day a success!


I was failing Econ 101

So I put on my lowest-cut blouse

Snuck into my professor’s office

And sat on the pad for his mouse.

He came in and I said, “Professor

“I’ll do anything to get an A.”

Little did I know my professor

Had an evaporation ray…

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Cletus The Storm Trooper’s Country Song

I went to the range

To learn how to shoot.

I had me a gun

For to have me a hoot.

I pulled me a trigger

And I used my head

And thanks to my prudence 

No targets ended up dead!

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Top 5 Super Villains Of Our Time

5:  Spider Man

Well, yes, he is a hero.

That is good and well,

But this is spidey’s evil twin,

And like spiders, he’s scary as hell!


4:  The Licenser

The Licenser is an insidious one.

He makes you wait in line.

He restricts your access to cars and guns

And he also makes you wait in line.

(Did I mention the waiting in line thing)?


3:  The Pizza Delivery Boy Killer

No, he doesn’t kill delivery boys.

He eviller than that.

He poisons the pizzas you order in

With carbohydrates and saturated fat.


2:  The Baby

Loud, obnoxious, and stinky,

It’s a villain with a potent defense:

You cannot kill a baby.

That’s just common courtesy.  Such is the pretense.


And Finally:


1:  The Internet

It’s said that most Americans

Are on the web 2.5 hours a day.

That’s 9.6 percent of your life.

Let me put it this way:


If you live to be one hundred years old,

You’ll only live to be 90.

Don’t believe me?  Well look at your screen.

You’re on the internet, and it’s kicking your hiney.


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