How To Gracefully Excuse Yourself From A Social Event

If you are called at host’s behest

To play the role of honored guest

And feel perhaps a little stressed

Then heed this wisdom I think best:

First, if you need not prevent

Your presence at the said event

Then notice how your time is spent

And be amazed how fast it went,

But if instead you wish to flee

You’re wise indeed to contact me

For ’tis amazing what you’ll see

If you, for just a moment, pee.

If urination’s not your style

Another way to leave a while

Is to enter, wave, and smile

And call out as a greeting, “Heil!”

If these two tips do not work out

Don’t underestimate a pout,

For dourness beyond a doubt

Is a fair way to thumb one’s snout.

Urine, Nazi, or be sullen:

All are safe ways to be cullen,

So brand yourself ein angsty creep

And thou shall glow from longer sleep!