Better Than Anything Else On TV

Honestly, the most American sport

That no one’s thought of yet

Would have to be drunk NASCAR

(Or its equivalent)

Where the racers have to drink

A bunch if whiskey sours

Until they cannot walk, and then

Turn left for several hours.

It’s a last-man-standing race

That proves, HD and live,

That it is not a good idea

For one to drink and drive,

And yet some kids will spend their lives

Trying to be a pro.

Years later, in Utopia,

We’ll ask, “Where’d the dummies go?”

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