Tag Archives: Racing

Better Than Anything Else On TV

Honestly, the most American sport

That no one’s thought of yet

Would have to be drunk NASCAR

(Or its equivalent)

Where the racers have to drink

A bunch if whiskey sours

Until they cannot walk, and then

Turn left for several hours.

It’s a last-man-standing race

That proves, HD and live,

That it is not a good idea

For one to drink and drive,

And yet some kids will spend their lives

Trying to be a pro.

Years later, in Utopia,

We’ll ask, “Where’d the dummies go?”

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See Spot Run

See spot run.

Spot runs fast

Because if Spot

Comes in last

Spot will lose

His family’s approval

Which will lead, in relation

To his house, his removal.

Spot enjoys

Not living on the street

So Spot runs fast.

Of foot, he is fleet.

Spot comes in second

Which Jane thinks is slick.

Alas, Spot’s owner

Is a Dick.

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In The Long Run

I broke my all time record
In the 100 meter dash.
I was a wild jungle cat,
And faster than the flash,

And yet I came in second place
‘Cause I misunderstood the rules.
That’s why I ran a 5K
In a minute thirty-two.

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Dasher’s Passion

Her pulse quickened,
Her face blushed,
As the huskies ran
And the drivers mushed.

And as they raced
Under skies of blue
She envied them so
And her heart raced too.

Alas, she was employed
In a sled pulling occupation,
At the head of Santa’s flying pack
Giving gifts across the nation.

And so when Rudolph came along
And usurped her lofty place,
No one could explain her smile
Until she left to join the race.

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