Tag Archives: Sports

The True MVP!

When you’re young, people ask

“What do you want to be

“When you grow up,” and today

I found my answer (finally)!

I want to be the guy whose job’s

To be the obscure-stats fairy

And Google crap that nobody knows

And tell the guys doing commentary

So when the score is 12-8

In a game involving someone named “Lou”

Because of me you’ll know that hasn’t happened

Since 1962!

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Gridiron

Gray steam rises from the sod

Obscuring the outlines

Of eleven men who would be God

If their teammates become so first.

The sky is darkness no one sees

Behind the lightning wall.

The crowd is warm despite the breeze

And bravado shields a heart’s true thirst.

A coin is flipped, a ball is thrown,

And bodies slowly shatter,

A ring is forever. A broken bone?

A pittance to the undying.

And so they fight, part man, part boy

So does decay commence.

They’ll either bottle tears of joy.

Or else just end up crying.

Here we see the warriors die,

Although they call it play,

Our voice is one great battle cry

To lend the few our will.

No longer are our swords so deft,

But fantasy’s alive.

Long ago the dragons left,

But here there’s magic still.

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Now There’s A Joke!

Golf

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But Not Soccer… I’m Not That Desperate

I kinda hope the NFL

Display the stubborness of men

And they keep sitting for the anthem

Because I figure then

People will start watching hockey

And I can talk about sports again.

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Why I Love Football

This month we will experience

The NFL’s preseason

In which millionaires hit each other

Deapite the lack of any reason,

And we the fans will cheer

To kick our team’s rival’s posterior

Because we can’t play ourselves

Since we’re genetically inferior.

We’ll sit and eat and fart a bit

And somehow manage to sweat.

At the end half of us will sob

While half say “best preseason yet!”

Then we picture our team’s victory

And order larger pants

With the logo of some other team

That actually has a chance.

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Sensi-Ball

I want to see a sport

Where forty normal guys

Cooperate athletically

To share a worthy prize.

No one would hit each other.

No feelings would be hurt.

They’d go home with clean jerseys

And their hands devoid of dirt.

No penalties are needed

For good sportsmanship prevails

And from such competition

Comes a host of happy tales.

Such sports would be refreshing

And a lovely change of pace

But for now I’ll stick with boxing

‘Cause I love some hand-to-face!

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To All The PhDs Enjoying a Sporting Event Today (Or On A Given Future Day, Circumstances Permitting)

I realize this day is special

For a contest will take place

In which genetically superior constituents

Will seek, in scoring, to outpace

Their counterparts in opposition

Within a time allotted,

Thus justifying the fiduciary endowments

With which said constituents are besotted.

I hope that in future contests

Of similar athletic variety

That your subgroup of physically-fit object-movers

May prove worthy of your them-focused piety.

In fact, I would extend my well wishes

That your team may excel in perpetuity

Until their superior members inevitably decay

And we may correct our lost-time incongruity.

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