Sometimes when mommy’s frisky
And dad’s not watching porn
They send you on a playdate
And another kid is born.
This new kid is a baby,
Just a lump of hungry fat
That cries and poops and sleeps a lot
And not much more than that.
Luckily for the species
But not luckily for you
That baby will get bigger
And eventually turn two.
At this point, the parents
Who loved you when you were little
Will downgrade you, unknowingly,
To the meanest second fiddle.
They’ll love all over new kid
Because, sadly, the fact is
As the oldest child you are
The one on which they’ll practice.
You will need to get straight A’s…
New kid will soar on C’s.
You will beg for any love…
New kid will just say “please.”
Yes, this seems unfair to you
But someday you will see
That this kid turns invisible
When mom has baby 3.
The Daily Travesty 