Getting Eden (The Serpent Explains)

Every lovely girl I meet

Reminds me of what I dreamt:

That I would bring them home with me

As someone neat and kempt

But by the time the night, once young,

Is now a morning younger

I shall inspire in the girl

An animalistic hunger,

And in the dark of night we’ll join,

Two bodies, bare and lithe;

Two sides, one body, like a coin,

And ‘til the dawn we’ll writhe.

So it happened with a girl

When she and I were new.

She wore not more than sun-kissed skin

And didn’t have a clue.

I brought her to the place I call

My home, but I soon saw she

Was more inclined to eat my fruit

Than make a man of me.

As she bit the apple, I

Was filled with a vengeful thought;

If I could not catch that girl’s eye

So too other men would not.

I tensed my body, spouting curses

And made all men to come

Be mocked for wanting to be nurses

And also bald and dumb.

God saw what I did to man

And said, “Ok, that’s fair.”

Then he made chilbirth hurt, and

Other bits about which I don’t care.

Basically the point I’m making

Is if you’re a dude who feels cursed

Your girl probably rejected Satan

And her punishment is still worse.

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Filed under Poems

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