Tag Archives: History

Just A Century Ago

In the year 1918

Amidst a world we’ve never seen

The fighters of the first world war

Showed what God made our hearts for.

Among the trenches, wet and cold

A German soldier was so bold

As to sing, rather than fight,

A verse or two of “Silent Night.”

As dawn turned from gray to blue

One soldiers voice soon became two

And before the song was done

Two armies voices soon were one

And bayonets with white flags rose

And enemies came nose to nose

To swap greetings and cigarettes:

One Christmas morning, no regrets.

Whether trenches or safe spaces,

Between all people and all races

Lives a love that’s oft denied

That no longer should we hide.

If for a day or for a year

We sing of peace so foes can hear

Then whether brown or beige or black

We may just hear our foes sing back.

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Unsung Legends

Hercules is strong

But what about Hiscules?

Bunch of sexist greeks…

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Poems So Dark They Probably Stole Your Bike

If a child can decide to be

A gender they weren’t born,

Can know their sexual preferences

Then, honestly, I’m torn…

I think that future pedophiles

In elementary school

Might worry about fitting in

(And I don’t mean being cool).

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I once dated a Japanese girl.

When we broke up I tried to be nice.

She didn’t understand the first time

So I had to drop the bomb twice.

——————————————————–

I asked a guy in a wheelchair

“Who’s your favorite actor.”

The guy replied “Christopher Reeve.”

He asked me “Who’s yours?”

I said “Christopher Walken,”

And then the guy asked me to leave.

——————————————————–

One more joke for this morning,

And this one’s as good as it gets:

Who are Iraq’s athletic heroes?

That would be the ’01 New York Jets.

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But Both Are Equally Boring When Presented By The Intellectual Elite

I questioned the need

For vagina monologues.

Why we needed them was a mystery.

Then I realized

That the penis dialogues

Was basically just all of history.

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The Analogy Is Actually Kinda Perfect

America is like Halo:

It started out with violence

And an independent spirit

Fighting an immortal empire

Who knew well that we’d fear it.

Then the beloved sequel came

And we gave up the slaves we stole,

Fought a battle on both sides

To forge our true united soul.

Then came history’s “Halo 3”

Which was forgettable all in all,

Clearly not its glorious peak

But it hadn’t hit the wall.

When the Vietnam years came

Thus started Halo 4

Where we spat on our own soldiers

Drafted into pointless war.

Now here we are in Halo 5

Where profit is the king,

Equality is an afterthought

And everything’s covered in bling.

We who love the franchise past,

The Halo 1’s and 2’s

Who love America in spirit

Not America in the news

Look hopefully at the future

While feeling kind of vexed

Wondering what the powers that be

Will inevitably screw up next.

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As It Turns Out History Is Not My Strongest Subject – Thus The Extra “D”

You’ve heard of the musical “Hamilton”

But have you heard the talk

Of my upcoming X-rated sequel

All about John Handcock?

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A 93% Accurate History Of My Mom

When my Mom was younger

She worked on the railroad

All the live-long days.

She was filled with a hunger

To escape from the railroad

And find a guy with whom to pass the days.

She hung up her axe and hammer

For an erlenmeyer flask

And took a job for Carly Fiorina.

My Dad she did enamor

And had the guts to ask

“Do you want to see a show at the arena?”

They got married in the Summer

And moved out to Colorado

And brought my future sister to the world.

Three very-good years later

A doctor in Colorado

Said “you’ve got another kid in you. A girl.”

And so you dreamt of Molly

But months later Dave arrived

And his presence made your life complete.

When I think about it, golly!

Now your life story’s archived

And only for sake of rhymes did I once (or twice…) cheat.

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