What if we took those things in golf
With the fancy desert dirt
And we made it a place of happiness
Instead of one of hurt
And made that place off-limits
To people 8 and up?
Sincerely, children of the past
Who clearly know what’s up.
Tag Archives: History
Intro To Mongolian History
There were horse legions;
Now they are a metaphor
For far-as-heck stuff.
Filed under Poems
Badduh Hairo, Desu Ne?
They made the very first anime
Back in 1963.
Since then it’s been a mainstay
Of international TV.
They have animes about everything
From kitties to killers, but still
No one’s made one with Japanese barbers
And I’m starting to think no one will…
Filed under Poems
The Archives Were Consulted
One day before you joined the world
Lufthansa airlines formed.
Then nothing historical happened for four days.
That’s because by being born
Our hearts were properly warmed
And the world sat back and let your glory blaze.
After you joined the world
Pope Pius X became a saint,
Which I know your Catholic interests already knew.
What was never told outright
Is that he was the second saint
To join the canon. Of course the other one was you.
After you came things like Velcro
And the integrated circuit.
By seven you could play with cordless drills.
Later on was born your man
And after that a Sony Walkman
Could give you on-the-go musical thrills.
So we’ve established that you’re old
But our hearts have not grown cold
Since your little saintly self did first appear,
So I wish a happy birthday
To my best and only mother
And wish that this will be your next best year.
Filed under Poems
When You Want To Be Sensitive But Can’t Rhyme And Only Have One Minute To Write
The first haiku was
TikTok for ancient Japan.
Ninjas loved that junk.
Filed under Poems
Historically Possible
The Samurai saw a leather hat
With bills to block the sun
And said (probably in Japanese)
“That does not look so fun.”
So the cowboys took it
And thus the West was won
And I would wisely wager
That’s why the Samurai are done.
Filed under Poems
The Force Awakens; The Audience Sleeps
Ten years ago today
We saw a theatrical trailer
For what history may call
The biggest cinematic failure:
A lifeless Star Wars reboot
That exceeded our most cynical fears.
Now come back and read this poem
In another couple of years.
Filed under Poems
Mon Dieu!
The English marched on Agincourt
With hoards of longbowmen
To fight the army of the French.
They were terribly surprised when
They loosed a thousand arrows
And those chic Parisian dorks
Brought out the champagne bottles
And fired back with corks.
Filed under Poems
History Repeating Itself
Only took three years
Of England having a king
To become evil…
Filed under Poems
Secretary Of War
At the Battle of Thermopylae
480 BC
299 Spartans
Marched to meet Xerxes.
Meanwhile, Jeffichus the imprecise
Was tasked with taking the minutes
Instead of marching into war
‘Cause it’s close enough to 300, innit?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 