Tag Archives: Women

Why I Never Got Together With That Cute Girl In Class

What wonder has a flower,

A daisy or a rose,

To the clueless human

As on its way it goes?

A work of nature, beautiful,

Is worth not but a glance

For what interest has a human

In the idle ways of plants?

But a very ugly flower

That can nauseate by sight,

That makes you want to kick a baby,

Draw attention that just might.

So when you see the spiders

Crawling from my bloodshot eyes

I seek your fondness and attention.

‘Twas not that so very wise?

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Baby Don’t Got Back

I saw her and yelled to her “Hey!”

Then I asked “those legs go all the way?”

Then I thought “what the heck?”

‘Cause her legs met her neck

Which I noticed as she walked away.

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The Correct Answer Was “Huh?”

She asked me “who’s your favorite?”

I said “of course it’s you!”

She asked me “do you mean it?”

I said “of course it’s true!”

But I lost my concentration

And answered “you, of course” once more.

I still don’t know why she asked

“Who’s that girl dressed like a whore?”

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Never Thought I’d Miss “Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?” But Alas…

“If I were a pickled spleen

Kept in a jar for 30 years

Charged with electrical current

In a chamber full of your darkest fears,

Then released from the jar on a Sunday

And carried overseas by some birds

To attend celebrations in Istanbul

Would you still kiss me afterwards?”

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Advice Is Appreciated

Don’t want to marry just some girl.

I’m looking for a wholesome girl.

A girl whose lack of cleavage

Warms my big platonic heart.

A girl who thinks that working’s

Not synonymous with twerking.

A girl who skips the bar

Because she wants to look at art.

I want to find a happy lass

Who doesn’t want to shake her ass,

Who goes to church on Sundays

And buys ice cream from a truck,

Who’s pure and chaste and sweet

And, instead of “lit,” says “neat.”

But I also want Beyonce,

So I’m feeling kinda stuck…

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Match.com Self-Summary

Some men are boob guys.

Some like hair and eyes.

Some seek butts from all across the globe.

Some go nuts for feet,

But what I think’s neat

Is a lady with some really nice earlobes.

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What I Look For In A Lady

I’d be wary of a felon

But she needn’t be a saint.

She eats food almost every day

And will very seldom faint.

She has two eyes, two nostrils too,

And her scalp is topped with hair.

Her days are always better

When she has access to breathable air.

I may sound picky when I say this

But she should have a mouth that can open.

Is there such a perfect girl?

Well, ’til we know, here’s hopin’.

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