Tag Archives: Women

Spa Ha Ha

I asked how much it costs

To get one’s pubic region waxed.

They said “A Brazilian dollars,”

At which point I relaxed.

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A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor

She offered me a sandwich

And I said “Thank you dear.”

She sighed and asked “What would you do

“If I were to disappear?”

I said “I’d eat steak every day

“And be left with much more money.”

She scowled, so I bought her jewelry

And now she thinks I’m funny.

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Sailing Is Patriarchy

I was on a sailboat

With a democrat.

The water got bumpy;

She went overboard like that!

I threw her a rope to grab

And noticed she was frowning,

Probably offended

That I attacked her drowning.

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A Brief History of the Gold Rush

Back in the wee days of US of A

Some guys went a digging and one shouted “Hey!”

“I found me some gold!” “Oy, I found some too!”

Then guess what everyone wanted to do?

And so people came from all over the planet

To dig through the dirt and, with their eyes, scan it

For speckles and nuggets and loose bits of gold,

And some were successful, or so I’ve been told.

Now as the prospectors from far and near both

Were digging up gold, a woman did quoth:

“The men are all leaving to get rich or die,

“And thus we will join them because… you know why.”

And so California became quite the haven

For men who, for gold in the rivers, were slavin’.

Most folks were strike-outers, but some lucky strike-biggers

Wed the first Frisco lasses, the real gold-diggers.

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It’s Awkward When Someone Says “Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace”

When a man has nothing to say

He waits in silence for the silence to end.

When a girl I like has nothing to say

She says “That’s so nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

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She Did Not Laugh Throatily

She asked me for a diamond necklace.

I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.

She asked me for a diamond necklace

But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.

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My Friday Night

I took me out to a ball game,

Alas, to one with a crowd.

There they sold peanuts and alcohol

‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.

There I learned baseball tactics

And how to play the game right

From a screaming drunk woman

Who looked like a dark alley at night.

“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.

“Throw a strike” later came.

Then was “Make people stop not getting out

“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”

It turns out this lady’s cheerleading

Did lead the home team to win

So if you’re still an Orioles fan

Bud Light’s a good place to begin.

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