Tag Archives: Women

Both are Mostly Empty…

“Airhead’s an offensive term,”

Said my girlfriend of 30 days.

I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”

Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”

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Adventures With Lucy

Lucy says “Heyy”

As she walks in the door

With a light in her eyes

And her eyes on the floor.

She’s looking for victims

That she can make smile

For she’s also not had

Such a grin for a while.

Lucy’s confused;

She’s alone in the crowd,

Her world always quiet,

Her mind always loud.

She hasn’t found love

In a box on a shelf

But she’s never been told

To bring joy to herself,

And so she goes hunting

A surrogate soul

And she uses her vigor

To make her prey whole,

To make someone laugh

And to make a face gleam

Like the paint on her visage

She hopes makes her seem.

Some think her a clown;

Some think her a doll.

What she fears is being

Not thought of at all,

To be seen as convenient,

Someone’s future “his.”

She fears being seen as

What she fears she is.

She’s found her next target!

She gives them her charm

With a flower in her hair

And the game on her arm,

One of the next many

Whose lives she will brighten,

Whose fears she’ll erase

And whose burdens she’ll lighten.

Someday she’ll look up

And she’ll see the sun set

And her mind will be calm

And her needs will be met;

She’ll live as she dreams

When she comes to someday.

Until then she’ll walk in

And tell someone, “Heyy.”

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The Debate Is Over

Childbirth is painful for women

And ball-kickage is painful for men

But after it’s done only one

Waits teo years, then says “Do it again!”

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Hot and Cold

I watched her eat the popsicle

With long and sultry licks.

Her eyes met mine and so she threw

A nibble in the mix.

She slid it in and out again

‘Til it got soft and warm

And then she killed its family

And I left the women’s dorm.

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Thus Endeth The Renaissance

Her hobbies are dressing provocatively

Then adding a dog’s nose and ears,

Posting pictures of asses to inspire the masses

That love’s always stronger than fears.

My hobbies are murdering aliens

And playing professional ball,

Though I sometimes relax by swinging an ax

And sometimes by catching ’em all.

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Sacrifice

She had wavy golden hair

That fell below her knees

The color of the summer sun

And lighter than a breeze.

She cut it when we married,

Though it was at my behest:

The hair would have been lovely

If it weren’t on her chest.

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Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

That dress is fine

For cosplaying Shamu.

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How My Dates End

Thanks for dinner!

I had lots of fun.

Here’s my number:

911

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She Had A Babyface… He Was One

When you think of rings you think “wedding,”

And you think that a heel is a shoe.

When I think of rings my mind goes to wrestling

And a heel is the guy people boo.

You think that dropkicking somebody is crazy

And I think it’s living the life

And that, my dear lady, is just one of the reasons

You won’t be this wrestler’s wife!

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New Study Shows Women Are “Marrying Down…”

My car may have it’s share of dings,

I may not buy you fancy things,

I might forget your name a lot,

I might comment “Your mom is hot,”

I might not read your favorite book,

I’ll seldom clean and never cook,

But if you become my wife

You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!

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