The average guy is a virgin.
The average girl is a hoe.
You can get a college degree
To combat toxic masculinity…
How’d we get here? I don’t know.
Tag Archives: Women
A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated
Filed under Poems
One More Try (Guess Who Went To A Bluegrass Show Tonight?)
I was raised out in the country
A couple miles past “out in the sticks”
And I’ve got that country talent
For meetin’ just the most unfaithful chicks;
The Jezebels and the Delilahs,
The ones who’ll love you ‘til the dawn
But when I’m done cookin’ ‘em breakfast
It’s an empty bed, and oh! My wallet’s gone!
Woe is me! Woe is I! Woah, I think I caught her eye…
What’s the harm in making one more try?
Well I’ve tried bein’ a nice guy,
Bein’ bad, and bein’ cool,
But the role I’m best at playin’
Has gotta be the damned romantic fool.
Well I keep a few reminders
Of them in my rogue’s gallery.
If I’d a dollar for each trinket
I could pay a politician’s salary.
Woe is me! Woe is I! Woke up, so I didn’t die.
What’s the harm in making one more try?
Well they’ve got these handy programs
Where women on the worldwide web‘ll
Write about how they love laughter,
Tasty food, travel, hiking, and a rebel.
Seems a shame they’d waste their effort
Fielding mail from some desperate guy
When here I am, arms and heart open
And when it ends she’ll never cry.
Woe is me! Woe is I! Woman please just hit “reply.”
What’s the harm in making one more try?
Sure, when all is done and finished
Her ego’s big and mine’s diminished,
But I keep making one more try…
Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…
I wanted to take a moment
To tell you I adore
The way you walk, the way you talk,
The way you smile. What’s more
I wanted to appreciate
How kind you are to me.
Like rain in Spring, new life you bring
To everyone you see!
You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,
As well as smart and brave.
You’re a man no woman can
Deny she’s always craved.
I think you’re the pinnacle
Of manliness. So there!
But I can’t go to see that show
‘Cause I have to wash my hair.
Filed under Poems
To Serve and Protect…
Women live longer
Than men, this is true,
But how many women
Say “I’d die for you”?
Men on the other hand
Say it a lot,
So men must die younger
‘Cause women are hot.
Filed under Poems
Women Will Change You
There once was a man named Beyoncé
Who wanted to have a fiancee
But the girls were all like
“Why’s your name not like ‘Mike?’”
Now he goes by his middle name: Chauncey.
Filed under Poems
When The Kisses Miss The Missus
When you refuse my kiss
I feel something’s amiss.
When you deny my peck
I think “What the heck?”
When you dodge my caress
I feel some duress.
When you deny being osculated
I feel emosculated.
Filed under Poems
Getting Eden (The Serpent Explains)
Every lovely girl I meet
Reminds me of what I dreamt:
That I would bring them home with me
As someone neat and kempt
But by the time the night, once young,
Is now a morning younger
I shall inspire in the girl
An animalistic hunger,
And in the dark of night we’ll join,
Two bodies, bare and lithe;
Two sides, one body, like a coin,
And ‘til the dawn we’ll writhe.
So it happened with a girl
When she and I were new.
She wore not more than sun-kissed skin
And didn’t have a clue.
I brought her to the place I call
My home, but I soon saw she
Was more inclined to eat my fruit
Than make a man of me.
As she bit the apple, I
Was filled with a vengeful thought;
If I could not catch that girl’s eye
So too other men would not.
I tensed my body, spouting curses
And made all men to come
Be mocked for wanting to be nurses
And also bald and dumb.
God saw what I did to man
And said, “Ok, that’s fair.”
Then he made chilbirth hurt, and
Other bits about which I don’t care.
Basically the point I’m making
Is if you’re a dude who feels cursed
Your girl probably rejected Satan
And her punishment is still worse.
Filed under Poems
The Birds and the Seas
If you are a whale
Your parents probably sing
About how to safely do
The reproduction thing.
If you are a shark instead
The learning that’s essential
Is that some biting might be fun
As long as you are gentle.
If you’re in a school of fish
You’ll probably be fine
Unless you can puke out your guts
And your skin is covered in spines
Because if you’re the sea cucumber
It is my belief
You’re in a bit of danger
When teenage whales need relief…
Filed under Poems
Judy Rhymes With Beauty…
People who don’t think gender is real
May have a change of heart
Depending on if the person who says
“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.
Filed under Poems
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
