Tag Archives: Women

A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated

The average guy is a virgin.

The average girl is a hoe.

You can get a college degree

To combat toxic masculinity…

How’d we get here? I don’t know.

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One More Try (Guess Who Went To A Bluegrass Show Tonight?)

I was raised out in the country

A couple miles past “out in the sticks”

And I’ve got that country talent

For meetin’ just the most unfaithful chicks;

The Jezebels and the Delilahs,

The ones who’ll love you ‘til the dawn

But when I’m done cookin’ ‘em breakfast

It’s an empty bed, and oh! My wallet’s gone!

Woe is me! Woe is I! Woah, I think I caught her eye…

What’s the harm in making one more try?

Well I’ve tried bein’ a nice guy,

Bein’ bad, and bein’ cool,

But the role I’m best at playin’

Has gotta be the damned romantic fool.

Well I keep a few reminders

Of them in my rogue’s gallery.

If I’d a dollar for each trinket

I could pay a politician’s salary.

Woe is me! Woe is I! Woke up, so I didn’t die.

What’s the harm in making one more try?

Well they’ve got these handy programs

Where women on the worldwide web‘ll

Write about how they love laughter,

Tasty food, travel, hiking, and a rebel.

Seems a shame they’d waste their effort

Fielding mail from some desperate guy

When here I am, arms and heart open

And when it ends she’ll never cry.

Woe is me! Woe is I! Woman please just hit “reply.”

What’s the harm in making one more try?

Sure, when all is done and finished

Her ego’s big and mine’s diminished,

But I keep making one more try…

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Filed under Lyrics, Poems

Women Turning Down Dates Be Like…

I wanted to take a moment

To tell you I adore

The way you walk, the way you talk,

The way you smile. What’s more

I wanted to appreciate

How kind you are to me.

Like rain in Spring, new life you bring

To everyone you see!

You’re honest, humble, gentle, strong,

As well as smart and brave.

You’re a man no woman can

Deny she’s always craved.

I think you’re the pinnacle

Of manliness. So there!

But I can’t go to see that show

‘Cause I have to wash my hair.

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To Serve and Protect…

Women live longer

Than men, this is true,

But how many women

Say “I’d die for you”?

Men on the other hand

Say it a lot,

So men must die younger

‘Cause women are hot.

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Women Will Change You

There once was a man named Beyoncé

Who wanted to have a fiancee

But the girls were all like

“Why’s your name not like ‘Mike?’”

Now he goes by his middle name: Chauncey.

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When The Kisses Miss The Missus

When you refuse my kiss

I feel something’s amiss.

When you deny my peck

I think “What the heck?”

When you dodge my caress

I feel some duress.

When you deny being osculated

I feel emosculated.

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Getting Eden (The Serpent Explains)

Every lovely girl I meet

Reminds me of what I dreamt:

That I would bring them home with me

As someone neat and kempt

But by the time the night, once young,

Is now a morning younger

I shall inspire in the girl

An animalistic hunger,

And in the dark of night we’ll join,

Two bodies, bare and lithe;

Two sides, one body, like a coin,

And ‘til the dawn we’ll writhe.

So it happened with a girl

When she and I were new.

She wore not more than sun-kissed skin

And didn’t have a clue.

I brought her to the place I call

My home, but I soon saw she

Was more inclined to eat my fruit

Than make a man of me.

As she bit the apple, I

Was filled with a vengeful thought;

If I could not catch that girl’s eye

So too other men would not.

I tensed my body, spouting curses

And made all men to come

Be mocked for wanting to be nurses

And also bald and dumb.

God saw what I did to man

And said, “Ok, that’s fair.”

Then he made chilbirth hurt, and

Other bits about which I don’t care.

Basically the point I’m making

Is if you’re a dude who feels cursed

Your girl probably rejected Satan

And her punishment is still worse.

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The Birds and the Seas

If you are a whale

Your parents probably sing

About how to safely do

The reproduction thing.

If you are a shark instead

The learning that’s essential

Is that some biting might be fun

As long as you are gentle.

If you’re in a school of fish

You’ll probably be fine

Unless you can puke out your guts

And your skin is covered in spines

Because if you’re the sea cucumber

It is my belief

You’re in a bit of danger

When teenage whales need relief…

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Judy Rhymes With Beauty…

People who don’t think gender is real

May have a change of heart

Depending on if the person who says

“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.

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Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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