Tag Archives: Women

New Study Shows Women Are “Marrying Down…”

My car may have it’s share of dings,

I may not buy you fancy things,

I might forget your name a lot,

I might comment “Your mom is hot,”

I might not read your favorite book,

I’ll seldom clean and never cook,

But if you become my wife

You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!

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The Patriarch’s Lament

Fellow men, we gaze upon

A rather dismal breaking dawn,

The starting of a pinkish hour

Where sticks and stones have lost their power,

Where words can harm and looks can kill

And love is just “Netflix and Chill.”

Her lips that once you moved to kiss

Now move to bear you false witness.

That bed you’ve long longed to be in

Belongs to the procrustean.

The Goddess idol whom you praised

Commands her temple to be razed.

The deed is done, the seed is sown:

Take comfort in the silicone!

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Butt Weight… There’s More

I like girls who are polite

And women who are modest.

I like girls with joie de vivre

Although they’re not the hottest.

I like girls who demonstrate

A sense of generosity

Yet girls I meet prefer to flaunt

Their callipygiosity.

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My Dating Algorithm (1-10)

To find a man’s value

Divide his income by 10,000

Then subtract two to compensate.

To find a woman’s value

Call her a ten

(If she has a penis, call her an eight).

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Oregon Love (Or Why you Shouldn’t Settle For The First Pretty Face)

Her eyes were blue as Crater Lake,

Her breasts were like Mount Hood.

Her hair fell like Multnomah Falls

And all these things were good.

I held her hand and felt as big

And strong as Haystack Rock

Until my wife came home that night

And smacked me with her cock.

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The Model Meets The Gamer

I’m young and very beautiful

As you can clearly see,

And so I guess you’re losing sleep

So oft you think of me?

It’s true that you are beautiful,

It’s true that you are young,

But I think of you as often

As the flavor of my tongue.

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Truth Hurts

She said “You’re too accommodating

“And also get defensive a lot.”

I said “That’s fine, we’ll work it out

“And also, no I’m not.”

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