Tag Archives: Women

She Wants You Inside Her

The phrase “I want your baby”

Is sometimes super hot.

Mostly it depends if she’s

A cannibal or not.

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Smart Guys = Not Hot

I said “Hi.”

She said “Hello.”

I said “Don’t use big words like that.”

Now I am her beau.

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Ignore The Name… I Just Needed A Rhyme

“A picture’s worth a thousand words”

Said Arthur Norman Kuntz.

“Thus, women speak in imagery

“And speak mostly grunts.”

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Where Have All The Good Pets Gone?

I want a furry turtle

That will snuggle me in bed

With a leopard-patterned belly

And a capybara’s head,

Thats softer than a kitten

And convenient as a fish

That’s 6-feet plus and makes $100k…

Is that too much to wish?

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Superhero Anthem?

A figure flies along the streets

Of a city, black and grey,

Equipped with special armaments

With which to hunt her prey.

Her foes are public enemies

Called apathy and fear.

She strikes them down with not a frown

But a flash of wit and cheer.

Her only superpower

Is a total lack of worry

With which she slays uncertainty

In one most epic flurry!

Who is this maid of mystery

And what can she not do?

We cannot know for certain

But I hope she might be you!

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Dating In The Country Be Like…

I hear her dad has fewer teeth

Than guns hung on his walls…

I heard her seven brothers

Got among ’em 19 balls…

I’ve heard her mom got famous

As a former L.A. Ram…

But I heard she ain’t got no beard

So I don’t give a damn!

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Both are Mostly Empty…

“Airhead’s an offensive term,”

Said my girlfriend of 30 days.

I said, “Sorry, didn’t know.”

Now I call her “Bag of Lays.”

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Adventures With Lucy

Lucy says “Heyy”

As she walks in the door

With a light in her eyes

And her eyes on the floor.

She’s looking for victims

That she can make smile

For she’s also not had

Such a grin for a while.

Lucy’s confused;

She’s alone in the crowd,

Her world always quiet,

Her mind always loud.

She hasn’t found love

In a box on a shelf

But she’s never been told

To bring joy to herself,

And so she goes hunting

A surrogate soul

And she uses her vigor

To make her prey whole,

To make someone laugh

And to make a face gleam

Like the paint on her visage

She hopes makes her seem.

Some think her a clown;

Some think her a doll.

What she fears is being

Not thought of at all,

To be seen as convenient,

Someone’s future “his.”

She fears being seen as

What she fears she is.

She’s found her next target!

She gives them her charm

With a flower in her hair

And the game on her arm,

One of the next many

Whose lives she will brighten,

Whose fears she’ll erase

And whose burdens she’ll lighten.

Someday she’ll look up

And she’ll see the sun set

And her mind will be calm

And her needs will be met;

She’ll live as she dreams

When she comes to someday.

Until then she’ll walk in

And tell someone, “Heyy.”

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The Debate Is Over

Childbirth is painful for women

And ball-kickage is painful for men

But after it’s done only one

Waits teo years, then says “Do it again!”

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Hot and Cold

I watched her eat the popsicle

With long and sultry licks.

Her eyes met mine and so she threw

A nibble in the mix.

She slid it in and out again

‘Til it got soft and warm

And then she killed its family

And I left the women’s dorm.

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