She says she wants a man
Who’ll be honest and true,
Who’ll give her his heart
And support when she’s blue,
Who say they’re old-fashioned
But open to stuff,
Safe and spontaneous,
Non-threatening but buff,
And I can’t help thinking
As I look in her eyes
That I’m glad I’m her cat
And not one of those guys.
It may have been love
If that’s what you call it,
‘Cause I liked her tits
And she liked my wallet.
As it turned out later
Hers and mine were both fake
But we both loosed our hair buns
And took what we could take.
As the clock strikes midnight
In the palace of ice
My glass shoes turn to cowhide,
My horses become mice,
My hair falls in dirty sheets
Over my blouse, which ironically
Is also made of dirty sheets
Which still smell better than me,
And I see my prince’s eyes widen
And he tells me I’m still beautiful
So I slap him and run away
‘Cause I don’t like being objectified
A princess was stolen by dragons
Some hundreds of eons ago
And instead of waiting to be slain
The dragons just stir-fried the hoe.
The kingdom saved money on dresses
And a new sense of peace was acquired.
The dragons had balls, which meant
That dancing at balls ain’t required.
The knights stopped jousting each other
For no prizes were there to be won,
And the taxes went down, people made fewer gowns,
And the populace had lots of fun.
When you don’t have to pay for a princess
How happy the white knights can get.
The only downside is the dragons
Whose tummies have gotten upset.
She liked the way he smiled
So she waited ’til he slept
Then grabbed a pair of scissors
And into his room she crept.
She scissored off his jawbone
And hung it on her wall.
Now he pays her alimony
And sees the kids once every Fall.