Tag Archives: Women

Apparently Pearls And Swine Are Equal

A feminist told me

“All men are pigs!”

And I almost took some offense.

Then another told me

“Men and women are equal.”

Now the first woman’s making more sense.

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I Can Safely Write This Because She Doesn’t Read My Blog And Is Imaginary

Some sayings sound satisfying

But don’t apply to real life,

Like “what comes up must come down”

Doesn’t work for the weight of my wife…

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Why Not “Sally?”

Everyone compares me to Godzilla,

Which is weird because she’s ugly and I’m cute.

She’s a monster, but I’m an ordinary teenager.

Guess that’s what happens when your name is “Satanewt.”

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Dating A 30-Year-Old

You ask will I love you

When you’re not a young lass,

When your hair’s gray and saggy

And so is your ass,

When the passion is gone

And the money is thin

And everything hurts

‘Neath our wrinkly skin.

Our hands come together

And I look straight at you.

“Of course I will darling!

“I already do.”

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How Else Would You Pass The Time When You’re All Tied-Up, Half-Naked, And Waiting For Rescue?

I bet that back in elder days,

When dragons roamed the sky

And virgins all got kidnapped

To be rescued by some guy

That said virgins played a game

Where, in a future land,

They were ordinary citizens

Who love they did demand

From virgins playing games

In which they acted like a knight

Rescuing imaginary virgins

Kidnapped by dragons. Am I right?

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Why I Never Got Together With That Cute Girl In Class

What wonder has a flower,

A daisy or a rose,

To the clueless human

As on its way it goes?

A work of nature, beautiful,

Is worth not but a glance

For what interest has a human

In the idle ways of plants?

But a very ugly flower

That can nauseate by sight,

That makes you want to kick a baby,

Draw attention that just might.

So when you see the spiders

Crawling from my bloodshot eyes

I seek your fondness and attention.

‘Twas not that so very wise?

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Baby Don’t Got Back

I saw her and yelled to her “Hey!”

Then I asked “those legs go all the way?”

Then I thought “what the heck?”

‘Cause her legs met her neck

Which I noticed as she walked away.

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