Tag Archives: Women

The Birds and the Seas

If you are a whale

Your parents probably sing

About how to safely do

The reproduction thing.

If you are a shark instead

The learning that’s essential

Is that some biting might be fun

As long as you are gentle.

If you’re in a school of fish

You’ll probably be fine

Unless you can puke out your guts

And your skin is covered in spines

Because if you’re the sea cucumber

It is my belief

You’re in a bit of danger

When teenage whales need relief…

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Judy Rhymes With Beauty…

People who don’t think gender is real

May have a change of heart

Depending on if the person who says

“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.

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Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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Why The Unicorns Left

She grew up in the forest

And learned to talk to trees

By singing with the birds of prey

And dancing with the bees.

She trained to be a hunter

From the day that she was born.

She dreamt she’d be the first to find

The mythic unicorn.

She found black stallions, powerful,

And pegasus in white,

Beasts that pulled the wagon far

And those who bore a knight.

She found horses of the sea

And horses tame and wild,

And yesterday her dream came true

And found it bright and mild:

The unicorn! Resplendent

In shades of gold and blue,

With a horn that shone like rainbows

And eyes of emerald hue.

She gazed upon the creature

And stroked its noble head

Then noticed it was unemployed

And rode a mule instead.

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They’re Like Puppies, But With Testosterone

What if men who’re two feet tall

Are the physical ideal,

The epitome of manliness

With endless lust and zeal?

All the women saying

They prefer a taller guy

Have never seen a two-foot man…

True candy for the eye!

And although such small men are rare,

Precious and petite,

A man who’s 2-foot-6 or so

Is also really neat.

In fact, any guy beneath three feet

Is a slice of masculine heaven

Unless, of course, the manlet stands

Exactly 1’11”

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What A Catch!

She doesn’t play mind games.

She doesn’t hate pets.

These days that’s quite close to as good as it gets.

She isn’t ugly.

She isn’t mean.

She’s the not-baddest person that I’ve ever seen.

She has other friends.

She gets off the couch.

Her spirit animal is not Oscar the Grouch.

She’s not into drama.

She’s not a KGB spy.

My only concern is that “she” is a guy.

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She Wants You Inside Her

The phrase “I want your baby”

Is sometimes super hot.

Mostly it depends if she’s

A cannibal or not.

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Smart Guys = Not Hot

I said “Hi.”

She said “Hello.”

I said “Don’t use big words like that.”

Now I am her beau.

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Ignore The Name… I Just Needed A Rhyme

“A picture’s worth a thousand words”

Said Arthur Norman Kuntz.

“Thus, women speak in imagery

“And speak mostly grunts.”

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Where Have All The Good Pets Gone?

I want a furry turtle

That will snuggle me in bed

With a leopard-patterned belly

And a capybara’s head,

Thats softer than a kitten

And convenient as a fish

That’s 6-feet plus and makes $100k…

Is that too much to wish?

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