Attack of the Alabaster Basil from the planet Flaccidpookum (Or Why Originality Is Not As Important As You Think)

It was a normal day in the white house,

Or so President Smellingsalt thought…

Until the sky opened and blood rained down

Like the street corner prophets were taught

And a sprig of an herb, aromatic and pale

Smote the Earth and declared “I’m your master!”

And the humans proclaimed, “Oh no! What the heck!

“It’s basil that’s somehow Alabaster!”

And the basil proclaimed from celestial height

“Yes, people of Earth. Your statement is right!”

But what happened next to the humans did shook ‘em…

The basil declared “I am from Flaccidpookum!”

After that day life was largely the same

Except people drank a lot more hoppy beers.

The saddest part is this poem’s more original

Than anything Hollywood’s made for the past dozen years.


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