Tag Archives: Weird

Different Blokes

Steve and Sharocco are tigers

But they are not alike.

Steve enjoys a day at the spa;

Sharocco likes to hike.

Steve likes Bob Ross videos;

Sharocco likes to knit.

But both love eating human flesh

So along they somehow get.

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An Unattainable Love

My breath smelled like a customer service hotline

So I set off to buy me a mint.

The vending machine said “Out of order”

But instead of taking the hint

I shook it, kicked it, bopped it, kissed it,

Took it to Peru.

Now it’s been 30 years today

Since it didn’t say “I do.”

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Two Types of Difficulty

Is it harder to be a single mom

Made pregnant at eleven

Or to be a single mom

When you’re a childless man at 87?

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When You Least Expect It

Sometimes you bite

A chocolate chip cookie

But it’s actually oatmeal raisin.

Sometimes you meet with

A girl you don’t like

But she’s actually really amazin’.

Sometimes you’re hired

For the job of your dreams

Which turns into something you dread.

Sometimes a cookie

Is only a cookie

But sometimes it’s a chimpanzee’s head.

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Florida Man Goes Traveling

“Peculiar” is the word she used

Which made me just a bit confused.

What’s in any way peculiar about a guy

Who likes to eat burgers for lunch

With a glass of fruity punch

And, for dessert, has a slice of gator pie?

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And You Thought No One Would Ever Love You!

I close my eyes, remembering

The day we almost met.

You were taking Cynthia

(Your puppy) to the vet.

You were glowing beautifully,

A tear drop in your eye,

And I was in my plain white van,

My third time driving by.

I almost parked, almost went in,

Almost told you my name

But I kept on making four right turns

And keeping things the same.

Sometimes I close my eyes and think

Of how we might have been

But it’s best for both of us if I,

For now, remain unseen.

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Imagination Friend

They described me as a “figment.”

They told you I’m not real

Even though nobody asked me

Whether that’s the way I feel.

They told you to let go of me,

To let illusions end

As if it were no trouble at all

To walk out on a friend.

They closed their eyes and turned their backs

And said “You’re hearing voices.”

They gave you lots of pretty pills

And, lying, called them choices.

“It’s your imagination,”

So they said and so they thought.

They don’t know imagination

Is the truest friend you’ve got.

They’re offering a tunnel

Ending in a wall of light;

It’s up to you to say what’s true,

To help your friend, to fight.

Who’s to say you’re crazy

Just for seeing what they won’t?

They offer you your sanity

While I most proudly don’t.

So do you leave me lifeless

And go on with real living,

Accepting their reality

And chemical’s they’re giving

Or do you block the wall of light

And beckon me to stay

And live a life beside me

In a state of endless play?

To take the pill and up you grow

Or spit it out and smile?

Love, your imagination friend…

I’ll see you in a while.

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