Tag Archives: Weird

Hopscotch Reimagined

Who are these people,

These lines of numbered squares?

How do they feel

As the world around them stares?

As they’re moved from chalk outlines

Into their waiting coffin

We wonder why they’re murdered

On playgrounds so often…

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Death: A Children’s Book

🤕

This is Stan.

Stan is dead.

Stan’s dead ’cause he hit his head.

😢

When you hit your head you cry

And sometimes you, like Stan, will die

👻

But if you don’t, don’t feel blue…

There are other ways to quit life too!

😷

You can die from a disease

Passed on by friends or mice or fleas.

🤑🎆

You can be killed by overwork

Or even by a firework!

🤡

A clown can kill you at a fair

(Though I’ll admit that’s rather rare)

🦘

Or you can die by kangaroo

(Though I’ll admit that that’s rare too).

❤️

Most folks die of heart disease

From not eating their broccolis.

♋️

Cancer kills a lot of folks

And it’s the butt of many jokes.

💯

Everybody’s going to die

But there’s no need for you to cry,

😤

But if you keep crying soon you can

Meet our head wound idol, Stan!

🤕

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Bachelor Life

Sometimes

When I see a beautiful woman

I feel compelled

To approach her,

Take a sip of champagne,

Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds

Then just walk away

‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.

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Mississippi Family Reunions

She said “My name is Margaret.”

He said “My name is Jake,

“And may I say, dear sister,

“You smell different when you’re awake.”

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When The Light Goes Out Things Get Dark

There is one green light bulb

From an old Christmas tree

In the upper-left-hand plastic ring

Of the thingy that holds together

A six-pack of generic-brand cola,

Reclining in an Ohio landfill,

Never again to be lit

Or decorate a house

Or hold public office,

But the bulb is happy

Because it will outlast the family

Who chucked it in a hefty bag

And forgot all about it.

The bulb remembers.

The bulb is patient.

The bulb is all out of mercy…

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Bad Romance

I love you

Like Japan loves tentacles,

Like psychos love murder

And goth teens love pentacles.

I love you

Like Chris Pratt loves his raptors

And people with Stockholm

Syndrome love their captors.

I love you

Like a farmer loves cattle,

Like that one guy you know

Loves leather and a paddle.

I love you

Like Tarantino loves gore

And it’s for these reasons

I can’t see you no more.

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If “The Red Wheelbarrow” Is Good, Why Isn’t This?

Her love made me warm and fuzzy

Like a bit of french cheese

Left in a sauna over the weekend

But, alas, she had fleas.

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