Tag Archives: Weird

Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?

English is funny; Take the word “ship”

Which can mean a variety of things…

It can mean a big boat

That can carry other boats

Or other miscellaneous bling.

Therefore a ship who ships cargo

(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)

Can ship ships as its cargo

(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).

“Ship” can also be used

To describe imaginary romance

Where two hypothetical characters

Want to get in one-another’s pants.

In this sense, the word shipping

Is creating the romantic “ship,”

But could also mean that you think

The prospect of shipping is hip.

So if you like to like the idea

Of a romantic relationship between

A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships

Falling in love with a similar machine

You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,

And that is grammatically correct.

Yes indeed, English is funny

But deserves at least grudging respect.

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Bless Me Son, For I Done Sinned

A while ago I wrote a poem

About how to be your own son.

Recently, through Jesus,

I wrote another one:

If you are a grandfather

Of your son’s male offspring

I’m happy to report that you

Can do an exciting thing…

If your son joins the clergy

As a Presbyterian

And you go to his church

Your grandkid is your Father’s son.

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Infinity

I was an ordinary guy

Who married a single mom.

My new wife had an adult son…

I chose to call him Tom.

I was the product of a household

If a single mom as well

And it just so happened that my mom

Was my son Tom’s new belle.

Mom and Tom got married

And things got really fun

‘Cause a man who’s now my uncle

Is also my stepson.

Also interesting,

And nearly twice as bad,

Is that my stepson/uncle

Is also now my dad.

So if my son’s my father

Then I really have become

My own father as well

Since I’m my father’s father’s son.

Thus I am at once myself

And someone unrelated.

One of me is weirded out;

The other is elated.

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Oscarbait 2019

I screamed at the milk carton

“Why doesn’t she love me?”

The milk carton pondered

For a long, long time.

Starring Keanu Reeves.

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Dialects

In America we spell “color;”

In the UK it is “colour” with a U.

In America it’s “blue”

InFrance it is “bleu.”

In America it’s “Hell;”

In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”

In America it’s “yay;”

In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”

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A Competitive Game

I asked the rock-paper-scissors champion

The secret of which symbol’s best to choose.

He smiled as he answered: “The key to my success

“Is, when I play, I always try to lose.”

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From My Rejected Spongebob Script

A daddy seashell said to his son

“If you want to have some fun

“Hold a human ear to your shell

“And you can hear the sound of blood. ‘Tis swell!”

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