Tag Archives: Eating

Four Stanzas, One Punchline, Infinite Regrets (The Chicken Poems Return)

For every chicken sandwich

You eat throughout your life

A hen loses her husband

Or a rooster’s sans his wife.

Are you emotionally mature enough

As down the hatch she goes

To tell the rooster where’s his wife

And that he doesn’t have any toes?

Are you prepared to face the widow

As on her man you chew,

To look her in her beady eyes

And say “no cock for you!”

For every chicken sandwich

A family is dead.

Tune in for tomorrow’s poem

About the horrors of eating bread!

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The Italian Disagrees With Your Solid/Liquid Dichotomy of Glass Consumption

You a say a that a eating glass

Is a bad a for a you

And that a if you eat a glass

You’ll a have an uncomfortable poo,

Yet a here you go a giving me

A water you hole a da ass

Cause you give a me the water

And it’s a in a drinking glass.

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The Goat

It started three months prior
To the day you read this verse.
I was a happy man, but lonely;
Yes, aloneness was my curse.

I was proud of my yard, my grassy lawn
Complete with concrete gnome,
So fastidious and orderly
Just like my humble home.

But such a life wears on the soul,
So I went shopping for a pet.
A creature wise and comforting:
On this my mind was set.

But dogs are mean or stupid
And fish are such a bore.
Cats are huffy, rodents gross,
And birds are but a chore.

And so I found an animal
As a perfect pet for me;
It was fluffy, loving, and unique,
But it was not to be…

If, with goats, you’re unfamiliar,
As I was, that fateful day,
Then know this: They are a stomach
Sent from Hell, on Earth to stay.

Within the first eight hours
My perfect yard was gone.
My gnome was now in hiding
And a wasteland was my lawn.

But that dammed bearded invader
Was not satisfied at that,
And I need no longer pet sit
For my neighbor’s tabby cat.

My car has no more tires.
My cereal has no bowl.
The goat ate my begonias,
And then it ate my soul.

My pet, it needed punishment,
But I did not know the way.
Luckily I got some “guidance”
From Leonardo’s Greek café.

‘Twas three months ago it started,
That a companion I did seek.
Today I seek another.
Maybe something with a beak?

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