If chickens were the size of whales
We’d cure hunger with one egg.
No one would ever starve again
Or ever have to beg.
We’d have a peaceful planet
With everything we need
Until we learn the bitter truth:
We’d soon be chicken feed…
Tag Archives: Chickens
By The Way, Why Did Didn’t
Today I wrote
“Why did the chicken cross the road”
And someone petty replied
“You forgot the question mark…
“You meant ‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’”
So I went out and bought a chicken
And named it Why Did
And I commanded it:
“Why Did the chicken, cross the road!”
That’s what random internet people get
For being grammar nazis.
Now You Know Why!
I was a cock a huntin’
For a wily, free-range hen
I needed a set of wheels
That appealed to chicks, so then
I went to get a car loan
And I jumped through a hoop.
Now I’m clucking happy
Crossing the road in my chicken coupe.
Filed under Poems
But Why?
The road told the rooster
“You look like a hen.”
The rooster killed the road’s family
And it never crossed the chicken again.
Filed under Poems
Four Stanzas, One Punchline, Infinite Regrets (The Chicken Poems Return)
For every chicken sandwich
You eat throughout your life
A hen loses her husband
Or a rooster’s sans his wife.
Are you emotionally mature enough
As down the hatch she goes
To tell the rooster where’s his wife
And that he doesn’t have any toes?
Are you prepared to face the widow
As on her man you chew,
To look her in her beady eyes
And say “no cock for you!”
For every chicken sandwich
A family is dead.
Tune in for tomorrow’s poem
About the horrors of eating bread!
Filed under Poems
Ode to Awesome Chickens (Guest Post from SB”CAG”BPCTWNMYB(P)
From Helen:
My chickens make me breakfast.
They’re the best that pets can get.
Eggs fried, poached, or scrambled,
And even omelette.
I object to killing chickens!
That’s simply just not right.
They give us free-range organic eggs
And even put themselves to bed at night.
Wyandots and Orpingtons,
Barred Rock, Black Copper Marans too.
If you sup on glorious chickens,
There’s something wrong with you!
My rooster calls out to his hens
for succulent treats like corn.
He guards against sneak hawk attacks
And even wakes me up in the morn.
Oh Eggs of many colors
My chickens lay for me.
Pink and blue and brown eggs
And even eggs of green.
My chicken each have fancy names
Miranda, Romona, and Stormy Blue.
You want to eat my pet chickens?
How could you! Shame on you!
If poultry poetry ain’t your thing,
I ask, Please don’t blame me.
All I did was complain about poultrycide,
Hence this bad poetry contest, You see?
Thanks Helen!
Do you think chickens are great and deserve to be recognized positively via the medium of mediocre poetry? Enter the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Won’t Make You Bald (Probably)!
Get the details here:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/thedailytravesty.com/2017/02/25/announcing-the-semi-bicentennial-chickens-are-good-bad-poetry-contest-that-will-not-make-you-bald-probably/amp/
Filed under Poems
Chicken Couplets (Guest Poem from S-BC”CAG”BPCTWMYB[P])
By Katy:
Chickens are so much maligned,
But if you look I think you’ll find
That if a chicken lays an egg or two,
That’s much more work than me or you.
When you die it’s with a selfish craze,
But a chicken gives back with a ginger glaze!
And so to chickens you should be kind,
For they seem most helpful to my small mind.
Thanks Katy!
Do you think chickens are great and deserve to be recognized positively via the medium of mediocre poetry? Enter the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Won’t Make You Bald (Probably)!
Get the details here:
Filed under Poems
Guest Poem from the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably)
From Bill:
Chickens are oviparous,
I’m sure you realize.
They generously produce for us,
Eggs of every size.
These eggs do nourish some of us,
and for that we are thankful.
(Others they make malodorous,
but we do forgive your stank, Phil.)
Chickens have earned their place in heaven,
don’t you realize?
With a little flour and leaven,
you get “Chicken Surprise!”
Thanks Bill!
Want your bad poetry featured on the blog for the world to silently mock? Get the details here!
Filed under Poems
Announcing the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably)
Today I socialized again.
It’s becoming a bad habit…
Anyway, my friend and reader said
My opinion towards chickens is “stab it.”
I’ve written about chickens for dinner
And, yesterday, going to Hell.
All in all my poems about chickens
Do not treat them very well.
I wanted to amend my cruelty
Towards our egg-laying kin
And so I announce a contest
That upon this fine day shall begin!
Now a good contest must have a theme
And should recur on an oft-scheduled basis
And feature many a viewpoint
And not force the victor into cryogenic stasis.
My contest achieves all of these goals
And here’s what the contest is called:
The Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good”
Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably).
I’m seeking submissions from readers,
From other poets, artists, and guests
On the topic of the glories of chickens
And of a quality that won’t get an A on tests.
So comment your dubious poetry
About the glory of hens and of cocks.
Just comment them on this announcement
And just make sure that none of them rocks.
I look forward to reading your poems
And the chickens most likely do not
Because they’re illiterate morons.
(Now’s your chance to prove that they’re not)!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
My Religious Beliefs
“Chickens don’t believe in God
“So chickens go to Hell.”
That’s what Grandma told me
And so far it’s served me well.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 