Tag Archives: Pets

Her Heroes?

My lady likes a hairy man

Who eats his food straight from a can,

Walks silently around the house

And saved her from a wild mouse.

Her dream guy sleeps both long and hard.

Around him she lets down her guard.

He can snuggle up at night

And make the whole world feel alright.

She likes the feeling of his tongue,

Not worried he’s no longer young.

The only worry I have is that

Is this guy me, or is it her cat?

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Petty Thoughts

One Wednesday a mouse got into the house

Of the woman I love, heart and soul.

She has a cat who’s remarkably fat

But knows not its mouse-catching role.

Her friends have a pug. He’s remarkably ugly

In an adorable way.

He got rewarded because we reported

He pooped twice in the same day.

All of these pets and the prizes they get

Cannot help my heart softly wish

That just for a day I was treated the way

The people I love treat their fish.

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Breaking: Illuminati Leader Identified At Last!

One day, a cat suggested

“Wouldn’t it be great

“If we walked up to humans,

“Who we obviously hate,

“And acted cute and fluffy

“‘While we multiply their struggles?”

That cat is world famous now;

His name is Mr. Snuggles.

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See Also: Ant Farms

Once upon a time, some guy

Said “I know what we need!:

“A kinda boring screensaver

“We also have to feed.”

All the other townspeople

Said “That’s as good as it gets,”

And they all went out to buy themselves

Some fish to keep as pets.

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Remembering Amy

It doesn’t feel like a weight

But absence of a lightness;

Hours of Summer all around

And still the day lacks brightness.

A patch of graying sunlight shines

Where once there sat a friend;

I smile at it with broken lips,

And think about her end.

Scratches on the furniture

Once hidden I reveal;

I empty out the litterbox

And her uneaten meal.

I stand beside her scratching post

Without the words to say

The thanks, the pain, the memories,

And so instead I pray.

It doesn’t feel like relief

When I can breathe once more;

It isn’t warm when sunlight gray

Turns orange just like before.

But as a friend who made me smile

Returns to dust again

Her spirit naps within me

As it always has. Amen.

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Where Have All The Good Pets Gone?

I want a furry turtle

That will snuggle me in bed

With a leopard-patterned belly

And a capybara’s head,

Thats softer than a kitten

And convenient as a fish

That’s 6-feet plus and makes $100k…

Is that too much to wish?

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About Your Pet Spider…

If you tell me to take care of

A monster with eight eyes

I hope you won’t be unhappy

When it inevitably dies.

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But People With Pet Spiders…

If you have a snake for a pet

I think it’s a pretty safe bet

That you have one or two kidneys.

You thought this would end differently?

How judgmental can you get?

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Ensuring Adequate Nutrition To Underprivileged Animals (Oh SNAP!)

Some Americans on food stamps

Are demanding food for pets,

‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”

I say cut the stamps

And let Lady eat the tramps…

Save money and kill two birds with one stone!

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To All The “Alt-Moms” Out There

Little birds fly

And small children don’t.

Dogs obey loving masters

But small children won’t.

Whales jump on command

Through rings made of fire

But children would never

Do something so dire.

Small children are builders,

But so is an ant.

A fly can do everything

Small children can’t.

Pediatricians are pricey.

What’s cheaper are vets.

That’s why I shun children

In favor of pets.

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