I lived a life of luxury.
I thought I had it all
Until I met my true love
At the climactic royal ball.
Her dress had such a shimmer,
Like her slippers made of glass.
Her smile moved a mountain
And OMG dat ass!
We danced ’til past eleven
Before she fled into the night
Leaving my heart in tatters
And a slipper in her flight.
I picked up the glassy remnant
Of the girl who once was mine
And tried it on. Who would’ve guessed
We both wore a lady’s size 9?
Filed under Poems
My horse and I have traveled
Over miles of mountain and glen
Slaying dragons, wooing ladies,
And then doing it all again.
We fought our way to this castle
Surrounded by magical thorns.
With my sword, I carved my way through them
With my backup chorus of horns.
I bathed in the courtyard fountain,
Doffed my armor and donned my suit,
Made by the finest craftsmen in the kingdom
And tailored to flatter my patoot.
And I climbed up ten thousands flights
Of ruined and slippery stairs,
Not breaking a sweat or a nail
(And bravely fought off several bears).
Now I gaze on my love’s sleeping visage
And my heart gives a coo like a dove
As my lips caress hers. Still she slumbers.
Hey, what’s this clause on the wall ’bout true love?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 