Tag Archives: Cinderella

I’m Getting Stepsistery In My Old Age

Cinderella is the tale

Of a peasant girl named Ella

Who, by being the only nice girl in the world,

Snares the heart of her fella.

Some say we’d all be Cinderella

If the world were entirely jerks

Yet I haven’t met many princesses

So I don’t think that’s how the world works.

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Cinderella, Millennial

As the clock strikes midnight

In the palace of ice

My glass shoes turn to cowhide,

My horses become mice,

My hair falls in dirty sheets

Over my blouse, which ironically

Is also made of dirty sheets

Which still smell better than me,

And I see my prince’s eyes widen

And he tells me I’m still beautiful

So I slap him and run away

‘Cause I don’t like being objectified

By one-percenters.

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If The Shoe Fits…

I lived a life of luxury.

I thought I had it all

Until I met my true love

At the climactic royal ball.

Her dress had such a shimmer,

Like her slippers made of glass.

Her smile moved a mountain

And OMG dat ass!

We danced ’til past eleven

Before she fled into the night

Leaving my heart in tatters

And a slipper in her flight.

I picked up the glassy remnant

Of the girl who once was mine

And tried it on. Who would’ve guessed

We both wore a lady’s size 9?

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Prince Chauvinist

Of all the Disney royalty
That I have had the chance to see
Cinderella would probably be
With whom the Prince would mingle.

For what is it a man must feel
To confidently seal the deal?
A wife who cleans and cooks his meal.
Guess what gals? He’s single!

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