Tag Archives: Fairy Tale

History Is Written By The Famous

Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy

Bashful, Grumpy, and Dock

Mined all day to earn their pay

From 8:00 to 5:00 o’clock.

With seven salaries they paid

The rent for one small shack

And thought this was the status quo

Because the dwarves were black.

Then this white chick comes along

And they’re all like “Hi ho!”

Then she’s like, “OMG you guys,

“My name’s like totally Snow.”

And so she took their home away

And even ate their fruit

Before she slept for free a while

‘Cause hey, the chick was cute!

She slept upon the eighth dwarf’s bed

Who never was alerted.

So says the spurned, forgotten dwarf

Whose name is Introverted.

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Towers of Solitude Circa 2020 (Dragons Not Included)

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who’s the fairest of them all?

Sorry princess, I can’t say…

Your credit card expired today.

Mirror, mirror of denial,

What about my winning smile?

Princess, although my heart leapt

That’s not a payment I accept.

Mirror, mirror I don’t know,

I’ve got a new email so…


Want a two-week free trial of the best mirror yet?

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An Honest Fairy Tale

A long, forgotten time ago

In long-forgotten lands

There lived a pair of lovely twins

Who worked as stablehands.

The first girl was named Allison,

The second, Mirabella.

Both had dreams of rescue

By a prince (or princely fella).

Both were bright and beautiful

And full of youthful vigor,

Their smiles were breezes in the heat

And fires within the frigor.

Allison worked hard all day

Attending to the mules,

Believing that her honest work

Would lead to princely jewels.

Mirabella worked instead

As little as she could,

Aiming to stay soft and clean

As any princess should.

Many peasants came to try

To earn a sister’s heart.

Some were strong or rich or brave

And others still made art.

But neither flowers and poetry

Nor deeds both great and small

Could attract the twins, who wanted

A prince, else none at all.

Allison grew old and strong

And wealthy all the while.

Mirabella just grew old,

But did it with a smile.

There are far fewer princes

Than lovely stablehands

In both the world in which we live

And long-forgotten lands.

Neither twin could find a prince

And neither was a wife

But both, at least, had managed

To live a happy life.

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A Fairy Tale Romance

I hold your hand and count to ten

On fingers, yours and mine.

I see the ring I’ll give to you

And how the gold will shine.

I see the satin dress you’ll wear,

Your lacy veil of white

And how our lives will be complete

After our wedding night.

I smell our families’ tears of joy

And hear the words we’ll say

To merge two hearts eternally

On one momentous day.

I feel the fire in my heart,

How yours must burn the same,

I ask you now to you marry me!

Oh, also, what’s your name?

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Dragons > National Debt

A princess was stolen by dragons

Some hundreds of eons ago

And instead of waiting to be slain

The dragons just stir-fried the hoe.

The kingdom saved money on dresses

And a new sense of peace was acquired.

The dragons had balls, which meant

That dancing at balls ain’t required.

The knights stopped jousting each other

For no prizes were there to be won,

And the taxes went down, people made fewer gowns,

And the populace had lots of fun.

When you don’t have to pay for a princess

How happy the white knights can get.

The only downside is the dragons

Whose tummies have gotten upset.

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Fixer-Upper Relationships

Why yes indeed,

I rode my steed

To do the deed

Of rescue.

For a maiden fair

I did ride there,

My only care

To rescue.

I slayed the foe

That guards her, though

I only did so

To rescue

That stolen dame.

I would lay claim

To lass and fame

Through rescue.

The door open wide

I rushed inside

To where she does reside

To rescue.

When I did, I saw

A girl with bloody maw

Holding a chainsaw.

Now my rescue

Seemed quite in doubt.

As it turns out

Well, could you help me out?

I need rescue.

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Beauty Still Sleeps

My horse and I have traveled
Over miles of mountain and glen
Slaying dragons, wooing ladies,
And then doing it all again.

We fought our way to this castle
Surrounded by magical thorns.
With my sword, I carved my way through them
With my backup chorus of horns.

I bathed in the courtyard fountain,
Doffed my armor and donned my suit,
Made by the finest craftsmen in the kingdom
And tailored to flatter my patoot.

And I climbed up ten thousands flights
Of ruined and slippery stairs,
Not breaking a sweat or a nail
(And bravely fought off several bears).

Now I gaze on my love’s sleeping visage
And my heart gives a coo like a dove
As my lips caress hers. Still she slumbers.
Hey, what’s this clause on the wall ’bout true love?

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Once Upon An Elaborate Fiction

As the knight climbed the steps
To the princess’s room
His heart pounded harder
Than you’d be prone to assume.

He flung open the door
And what did he see?
A bored, unwashed princess
Aged 73.

That’s what you get
When you lock up a kid
With no education
In a tower guarded

By an unslayable dragon.
And what did she eat?
Only things that could keep
Like canned veggies and meat.

She had no running water,
No way to catch rain,
No outside contact
To challenge her brain.

So if you’ve got a princess
Don’t lock her away.
Besides, all the good knights
Are taken or gay.

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