Dear [Insert Any WNBA Team Here, If You Can]

I think that women’s basketball

And the WNBA

Deserve credit for helping

So many girls admit they’re gay.

But when they start demanding

More fair and equal pays

It behooves them to remember

That you can’t have both these days.

See, the typical NBA guy

Eats 2,000 pounds per day

Is 12 feet tall and has a trunk

And their skin is tough and gray.

The typical WNBA-er

Is about the same, you see

Except no one will pay to see her

‘Cause she’s only five-foot-three.

At one game we ask “do you think

“Shaquille can dunk on Mike?”

At the other game we wonder

“You think that one’s not a dyke?”

But if you score a hundred points

In every single game

And hire a player anyone

Would recognize by name

And sell out any contest

Then we’ll pay you like Jeff Teague.

Until you do, just be content

That you still have a league.

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