Tag Archives: Feminism

Why Fictional Japan Is Objectively The Best Country

On TV, the blue-haired girl

Is innocent and kind.

She cooks and cleans and loves you

For your heart, not your behind.

She’s fearful, but she conquers it;

Was blind, but now she sees.

In real life, the blue-haired girl

Thinks men are a disease.

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When You’re A Cop, She Knows A Lawyer, And #MeToo Is Trending

I looked at her chest

And she called me rude

Though she walked down the street

Ninety-eight percent nude.

Yes, she was a burglar

But she had a vag

So I saved myself trouble

And turned in my badge.

I wanted to uphold

The laws of the land

But somewhere the culture

Got quite out of hand.

Had I filmed the occasion

‘Twould be legal, but hey!

Now I play “Call Of Duty”

And tell folks I’m gay.

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This Is Why Blueberry And Strawberry Yogurt Are Popular

Men want to talk about grape yogurt.

Women want to talk about patriarchy.

Men like talking about grape culture.

Feminists dislike the letter “G.”

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Fairy Yales

Once upon a time

There was a tiny little rock

Who was the world’s preeminent scholar

On the early works of Bach.

The little rock was erudite

Yet its career went South

On account of probably white people

And, also, its lack of mouth.

——————————————————–

Once upon a time

A woman majored in STEM

And made millions teaching women

The ways that men were bad to them.

She could have been an engineer

And done science and stuff

But instead she told the patriarchs

She wasn’t paid enough.

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The Patriarch’s Lament

Fellow men, we gaze upon

A rather dismal breaking dawn,

The starting of a pinkish hour

Where sticks and stones have lost their power,

Where words can harm and looks can kill

And love is just “Netflix and Chill.”

Her lips that once you moved to kiss

Now move to bear you false witness.

That bed you’ve long longed to be in

Belongs to the procrustean.

The Goddess idol whom you praised

Commands her temple to be razed.

The deed is done, the seed is sown:

Take comfort in the silicone!

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When All The Good Men Are 5’11”

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 10

She’ll happily be his Barbie

And he will be her Ken.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 20

She will call him Sugarplum

And he will call her Honey.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes thirty

You can guarantee that they’ll

Be eager to talk dirty.

If a man makes 40k

And she makes 41

Shame on her for dating down!

Their relationship is done.

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Why Die For Your Country When You Can Respect Children?

Though you think of cops and firemen

Or a soldier or marine,

There are men in much more danger

Doing work that’s rarely seen.

I don’t mean high-rise window washers

Or test pilots, you fools!

I speak of male teachers

At elementary schools.

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Sailing Is Patriarchy

I was on a sailboat

With a democrat.

The water got bumpy;

She went overboard like that!

I threw her a rope to grab

And noticed she was frowning,

Probably offended

That I attacked her drowning.

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21st Century Facts

95 Americans contracted the plague

From 2000 to 2017

12 of whom have died from it

(At least that we have seen).

It’s amazing that all these years later

The plague is here to stay,

And that it’s death toll is greater

Than all-time ticket sales of the WNBA.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/plague/maps/index.html

(Unfortunately there is no significant data indicating the purchase of one or more tickets to a WNBA event)

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Dear [Insert Any WNBA Team Here, If You Can]

I think that women’s basketball

And the WNBA

Deserve credit for helping

So many girls admit they’re gay.

But when they start demanding

More fair and equal pays

It behooves them to remember

That you can’t have both these days.

See, the typical NBA guy

Eats 2,000 pounds per day

Is 12 feet tall and has a trunk

And their skin is tough and gray.

The typical WNBA-er

Is about the same, you see

Except no one will pay to see her

‘Cause she’s only five-foot-three.

At one game we ask “do you think

“Shaquille can dunk on Mike?”

At the other game we wonder

“You think that one’s not a dyke?”

But if you score a hundred points

In every single game

And hire a player anyone

Would recognize by name

And sell out any contest

Then we’ll pay you like Jeff Teague.

Until you do, just be content

That you still have a league.

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