Tag Archives: Feminism

Just Another Way Men Are Casually Oppressed

All the women who play video games

And complain about bikini armor

Never seem to complain about how

Swords and arrows never harm her,

But men are stuck with heavy armor

Instead of a chainmail thong

Because if men could wear female armor

They’d be unbelievably strong.

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‘Cause Female Equality, Am I Right? (Plus We Get To See Tom Cruise In A Bikini)

Just once I want to see a film

Where a short male action star

Beats up a bunch of amazons

And never gets a scar,

Pummeling the female goons

With his 5th percentile fists

But we’ll never see that movie

‘Cause sexism exists.

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Also Starring: Ikea Furniture, Bad Decisions, Musclebound Shirtless Guys Who Talk About Feelings… Waaaaiiiiiit…

If they rebooted “Fight Club“

With an all-female cast

It would feature Taylor Durden

Remembering her past

When she and thousands of women

From different means and ends

Got together in a basement

And pretended to be friends

Until at last they’d had enough

And used some dynamite

To blow up buildings, and then were like

“Becky’s so cringe, right?”

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And Don’t Even THINK About Calling Your Fairy “Sugarplum”

I think the biggest reason

Why the term “minion” exists

Is because all the female henchmen

Continually insist

That “henchman” is a sexist term

And they should be called “henchperson”

And the trust relationship

With their villain starts to worsen.

To avoid such conflicts

The term “minion” is used instead…

Until the feminists learn “minion” means “cute”

And say “Call us ‘persons of evil’ instead.”

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A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated

The average guy is a virgin.

The average girl is a hoe.

You can get a college degree

To combat toxic masculinity…

How’d we get here? I don’t know.

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Why The Unicorns Left

She grew up in the forest

And learned to talk to trees

By singing with the birds of prey

And dancing with the bees.

She trained to be a hunter

From the day that she was born.

She dreamt she’d be the first to find

The mythic unicorn.

She found black stallions, powerful,

And pegasus in white,

Beasts that pulled the wagon far

And those who bore a knight.

She found horses of the sea

And horses tame and wild,

And yesterday her dream came true

And found it bright and mild:

The unicorn! Resplendent

In shades of gold and blue,

With a horn that shone like rainbows

And eyes of emerald hue.

She gazed upon the creature

And stroked its noble head

Then noticed it was unemployed

And rode a mule instead.

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We Won… But At What Cost?

The “New World Order” people

And Illuminati really

Missed the point; That making people

Into sheep is kinda silly.

After all, who wants to conquer

A bunch of people dumb enough

To fall for propaganda

As insane as modern stuff?

The Vikings and the Mongols

Had at least old-fashioned pride,

And made sure that their detractors

Fought in wars and mostly died.

But today, old-fashioned values

Like rape and pillage have degraded

To where “rape” means being male

And “pillage” means “medicated.”

And so if all the people

That conspiracies suggest

Cancel all the good among us

And then rule o’er all the rest

I wish them much good fortune

When their conquest is complete.

They’ll starve in perfect harmony

While the cancelled grill their meat.

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What A Catch!

She doesn’t play mind games.

She doesn’t hate pets.

These days that’s quite close to as good as it gets.

She isn’t ugly.

She isn’t mean.

She’s the not-baddest person that I’ve ever seen.

She has other friends.

She gets off the couch.

Her spirit animal is not Oscar the Grouch.

She’s not into drama.

She’s not a KGB spy.

My only concern is that “she” is a guy.

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Why Fictional Japan Is Objectively The Best Country

On TV, the blue-haired girl

Is innocent and kind.

She cooks and cleans and loves you

For your heart, not your behind.

She’s fearful, but she conquers it;

Was blind, but now she sees.

In real life, the blue-haired girl

Thinks men are a disease.

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When You’re A Cop, She Knows A Lawyer, And #MeToo Is Trending

I looked at her chest

And she called me rude

Though she walked down the street

Ninety-eight percent nude.

Yes, she was a burglar

But she had a vag

So I saved myself trouble

And turned in my badge.

I wanted to uphold

The laws of the land

But somewhere the culture

Got quite out of hand.

Had I filmed the occasion

‘Twould be legal, but hey!

Now I play “Call Of Duty”

And tell folks I’m gay.

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