Tag Archives: WNBA

Guest Poem from Al Bundy

If marriage were like football

There would be no single men.

Every year they’d scout for wives

And draft a girl or ten

Then sign them to a contract

For a couple wondrous years

And give them shirts with numbers

And use them to sell beers.

We’d all have favorite teams of wives

Like the Ashleys or the Sophies

Who live in different cities

And try to win us trophies,

And when the best turn 40

(Or sometimes just 34)

We’d trade them off to other teams

And draft a dozen more.

If marriage were like football

Maybe life would be ok,

But instead it seems to be more like

The WNBA.

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Perils Of The Ghetto

I almost paid 500 dollars

To a pair of thugs in leather collars

For a bag of powder from a vault

That turned out to be garlic salt.

But alas, I’d no such luck;

They didn’t a single buck.

Instead they made me walk away

With tickets to the WNBA.

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21st Century Facts

95 Americans contracted the plague

From 2000 to 2017

12 of whom have died from it

(At least that we have seen).

It’s amazing that all these years later

The plague is here to stay,

And that it’s death toll is greater

Than all-time ticket sales of the WNBA.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/plague/maps/index.html

(Unfortunately there is no significant data indicating the purchase of one or more tickets to a WNBA event)

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Dear [Insert Any WNBA Team Here, If You Can]

I think that women’s basketball

And the WNBA

Deserve credit for helping

So many girls admit they’re gay.

But when they start demanding

More fair and equal pays

It behooves them to remember

That you can’t have both these days.

See, the typical NBA guy

Eats 2,000 pounds per day

Is 12 feet tall and has a trunk

And their skin is tough and gray.

The typical WNBA-er

Is about the same, you see

Except no one will pay to see her

‘Cause she’s only five-foot-three.

At one game we ask “do you think

“Shaquille can dunk on Mike?”

At the other game we wonder

“You think that one’s not a dyke?”

But if you score a hundred points

In every single game

And hire a player anyone

Would recognize by name

And sell out any contest

Then we’ll pay you like Jeff Teague.

Until you do, just be content

That you still have a league.

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