I used to be wealthy, handsome, and brave.
I used to be known as whom all women crave.
I used to be humble, witty, and wise
But then I stopped speaking in nothing but lies.
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Tag Archives: Truth
Socialism: Free Trial Edition
If you’re tired of Trump
Then make the jump
To sunny Venezuela!
There you can shirk
And do no work
And the socialist state will pay ya!
You’ll save so much money
It isn’t funny
‘Cause there’s nothing for sale to buy
So if you bite your thumb
‘Cause there’s no food to bum
You can tell South America “hi.”
Filed under Poems
How To Write A Superbowl Ad
You start out with a robot
That’s been made with CGI
Who says one beer is best
With no compelling reason why.
Next you strip the advertisement
Of anything resembling humor
So you don’t provoke the many
With an “I’m Offended” tumor.
Then say “We love social justice
“So you should buy our calamari”
With the sincerity of a five-year-old
When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”
The result’s an advertisement
To appeal to a mob
That hates all corporations
But still needs them for their job.
I hope next year’s Sportsball expo
Doesn’t try to be so “woke”
And the 2020 vegans
Are prepared to take a joke.
Filed under Poems
If I’d Written This Ten Years Ago I’d Be A Prophet
As Booth did to Lincoln
And school did to fun
I fear that to music
Will quite soon be done.
If you flip the radio
(Or whichever app’s in now)
You’ll find to enunciate
Is practically sin now.
To play any chords
Besides 1, 5, 6, and 4
Makes the average listener
Call such songs a snore
And no matter the genre
You will find bits of rap.
Yes I fear that all music
Will soon become crap.
Is there a solution
To pop music’s decline?
If so, leave a comment.
If not, I’ll just whine.
Filed under Poems
Well, The Years Start Coming And They Don’t Stop Coming! Fed To The Rules And I Hit The Ground Runnin’! (If you don’t get this joke, you’re one of the first two)
When you say 2001
Some say “A space odyssey,”
Some say “September 11th,”
Some say “The year of the first Shrek movie.”
One of those subgroups
Is precious to me.
Filed under Poems
A Fairy Tale Romance
I hold your hand and count to ten
On fingers, yours and mine.
I see the ring I’ll give to you
And how the gold will shine.
I see the satin dress you’ll wear,
Your lacy veil of white
And how our lives will be complete
After our wedding night.
I smell our families’ tears of joy
And hear the words we’ll say
To merge two hearts eternally
On one momentous day.
I feel the fire in my heart,
How yours must burn the same,
I ask you now to you marry me!
Oh, also, what’s your name?
Filed under Poems
A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization
The incidences of protests
Inversely correlate
With the cost of protest signs
And whether people have a date.
Filed under Poems
