Tag Archives: Truth

Works Cited: History, Personal Experience

I’ve been thinking lately

About a particular query:

“Does anyone know what’s going on?”

And I’ve finally formed a theory.

Here is that newfound theory

I derived from many factors:

“The ones who seem most confident

“Are dumb, or else good actors.”

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Men Made Playthings Because They Weren’t Born With Them

When I win a Nobel prize

For literature someday

And it comes time for me to speak

I know just what I’ll say:

I’ll thank my one Y chromosome,

And the reason that I’m citing

Is if I’d been born with boobs

I’d have never started writing.

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Legalize Normalcy

If you call yourself a poet

You’re judged by your degrees,

The person who you voted for,

How often you hug trees,

Whether you can rhyme things

Or use semicolons right

And, most important, whether

You have a penis or are white.

I am not a poet,

Though to you that’s no surprise.

I’d rather sleep in Saturday

Than watch the sun arise.

I do not care for wheelbarrows

On which so much depends.

I’m one of the mere commoners

Whom nobody defends.

I write, not for an audience,

But for the ones like me

Who want to dance the rain away

And feel completely free

But have to read a book about

What things are right to say,

Waiting to dance in private

Once the poets go away.

I feel like a geode,

Full of color, trapped in stone,

But thanks to anonymity

I needn’t be alone.

I can be with all of you

And hold you in my heart

By failing to see beauty

In what poets call their art.

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For Everything There Is A Season

Some people say I’m not funny.

Some people say I’m just dumb,

But for years a grammatically-incorrect cat who wanted a cheeseburger was the funniest thing on Earth

So I figure my time will come.

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What Do Hipsters And The Government Have In Common?

I found out a shortcut

Whose power I tap

To see if a thing

Is worthwhile or crap:

I ask normal people

“Do you prefer A or B?”

Then they say “Both are good”

And I settle on C.

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Never Doubt Your Business Ideas Again

Somebody once thought

We should take the white things chickens poop

And break them in a pan

Over a fire

Until they’re still damp

But also really warm

Then cover them in fermented milk

And dehydrated seawater

And fill them with vegetables no one likes

And sell them to husbands for $18

To appease their sexually frustrated wives

And call it brunch.

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Lonely Poem Appreciates Your Time 😊

Once there was a poem

That wanted to be read

But 7 billion people

Did something else instead.

If you are reading this

You make the poem smile.

It hopes you’ll come back again

To read it once in a while.

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And Your 2021 Nobel Peace Prize Nominee Is…

Today I did nothing

And it was amazing!

I sat on my butt and was still.

I looked into space

And thought about eating

But lacked all the required will.

I noticed the clock

As the hours ticked by

And almost did something by caring

But I fought the urge

And then happily lapsed

Back to stillness and vacantly staring.

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Great Minds Think Alike, But Fools Seldom Differ

The best thing about 8 billion people

Is, at least according to me,

That no matter what weird opinion you have

At least one other guy will agree.

The worst thing about 8 billion people

Is, also according to moi,

That a bunch of the rich and the stupid ones

Agree their opinions are law.

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It All Makes Sense Now…

Doctors say lots of children

Have ADHD

And would sit all day long

Just to watch some TV

But instead they must go

To be receive state education

In a room full of bullies

And other frustration.

We do this to children

Because they must learn

About how they can focus

Until they adjourn

As good reborn children

Instead of mere scamps,

Thus why schools should be called

“Concentration camps.”

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