Tag Archives: Truth

Wise Men Know How To Stall

For every man there comes a day

When he must expel waste

And, being in a hurry,

Seeks to urinate with haste.

Soon after, they discover

As their throat fill up with phlegm

That their quest will be a failure…

Someone’s peeing next to them.

They stand in awkward silence,

As the urinals don’t sing

For as much as they both need to

They cannot eject a thing

And thus they close their zippers

And proceed to wash their hands

And go on with screaming bladders

To fulfill their life’s demands.

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World Peace, Step One

I saw a guy driving today

Who had a sign in their back window:

“Please stay back,

“New stick shift driver.”

I’m putting that in the back window

Of every car I buy

From this day forward.

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A Moral Dilemma

A train is coming down a track

On which doth a maiden lie.

If I took no action

It was certain that she’d die

But if I threw a lever

The train would change its track

And Taylor Swift would never die.

Now on maiden crows do snack.

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It Was Totally Sincere, But Then I Needed A Rhyme

I’m grateful for people

Who do not expect

Good poems on holidays

And, to me, genuflect.

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When All The Good Men Are 5’11”

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 10

She’ll happily be his Barbie

And he will be her Ken.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 20

She will call him Sugarplum

And he will call her Honey.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes thirty

You can guarantee that they’ll

Be eager to talk dirty.

If a man makes 40k

And she makes 41

Shame on her for dating down!

Their relationship is done.

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5:00 AM, The Homes Of Single Women Everywhere

Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,

Pearly white her claws,

And you have been found guilty

Of not following her laws.

She deigns to shake her golden mane

Before she makes you dead,

The only just denouement

For leaving the cat unfed.

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The Streak Continues

There once was a poet, demonic

Whose short, four-line poems were chronic.

‘Twas evening again

And the poet did pen,

To be contrary, this lim’rick ironic.

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