Tag Archives: Truth

Seriously, Just Don’t! It Takes A Certain Charisma And/Or Unusual Size

Why must titans always clash?

Why can’t they just get along?

Titans could have tea and cake.

What about that is so wrong?

Why must titans always fight?

There’s other things for them to do

Like fly a pretty titan kite,

Play titan games, or make a stew.

If you’re a titan reading this

En route to your next clashing spot

Please know that you are not defined

By your ability to crush a big robot.

And if you’re a non-titan bloke

Just casually reading ’cause you’re bored

Don’t try to unclash titans too

‘Cause most likely you’ll just be ignored.

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Dear Internet: Why The Exception?

You can’t mock someone ’cause they’re fat,

Ugly, stupid, stuff like that.

You can’t make jokes about a race

(At least not to somebody’s face).

You can’t gay-bash, slut-shame, or mock

The way one laughs or thinks or talks.

But you can defame or spew hate at

Those with neckbeards or a fedora hat.

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Life Without Makeup

Chapped lips, dry skin,

Hair without a bobby pin,

Baggy pants, hairy pits,

A shirt that hides any sign of tits,

Spotty face, mustache line,

Eau de toilette called “big ass pine,”

A house that others call a sty:

Just another great day of being a guy!

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Play To Your Outs

If I played a chess game

With some super-intelligent flies

I think I’d probably win

On account of superior size.

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The Present Present Is Presented By Presence

Your presence

Is like the absence

Of a present

Of being absent.

That’s how I feel

Which is to say

Your absence is a present

So please go away.

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“Satan’s Bear Spray” Gets A New Band Member

Heavy metal music

Could really benefit

If the makers would include

More harmonicas in it,

‘Cause in between the screaming,

Angry lyrics, and casual sin

You might think the bands are scary.

That’s where harmonicas come in!

“I want to thrash your eyes out!”

Screams a man who’s nicknamed “Blight,”

Then the harmonica gently vibrates

As if to say “it’s all alright.”

It would be an innovation

To the predominant metal sound,

And you’d find cheerier venues

With more harmonicas around.

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Questionable Pickup Line #473

If you see a girl you like

And say to her “my name is Mike”

Then it’d be a real shame

If that weren’t your real name.

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