I checked into a hotel room
That was almost six feet tall,
Weighed 180 pounds
And once was very small.
I used it for one happy day
To run around the world
Then checked out in the evening
As on a bed it curled.
I checked back in tomorrow
But found it was today
And the room I’d left behind me
Was mostly still okay.
I expect to keep this up
For quite a while yet
For, being an ambitious ghost,
It’s the best that I can get.
Filed under Poems
There’s nothing anyone can say
That won’t offend another.
For instance, if you say
That you live with your mother
Women call you loser,
Men will say you suck,
And orphans will be pissed
Because some guys get all the luck.
Filed under Poems
I proudly draw a perfect circle
And then somebody screams…
“It’s a Venn Diagram of people born in the ’90’s
“And people who like to make memes!”
Filed under Poems
This afternoon, Jay Inslee,
The Governor of WA,
Mandated everyone wear masks
To which I stated: “Ha!”
The problem with such mandates
Is that if up the police show
You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”
And they have to let you go.
Filed under Poems
Geppetto saw the puppet
Come alive one fateful night.
He hardly could contain his pure
Excitement and delight.
He asked, “What is your power?”
To which the toy replied,
“My nose grows when I’m truthful
“And I’ve never, ever lied.”
Geppetto took the puppet
On a tour of the land
And the puppet said, “You’re beautiful”
To all the coarse and bland.
“A gift to puppetmakers
“Will increase your Earthly wealth.”
And so, in awe, they watched the nose
And drank unto his health.
And as the ugly stayed the same,
The poor stayed destitute,
The puppet stayed beloved,
For his word was absolute.
This lesson serves to illustrate
Wherefore in every hour
We ought not correlate the truth
With presence of a power.
Filed under Poems
A book came in the mail for me!
I wrote it and it came!
If you act quickly then you can
Experience the same!
It’s yours to buy on Amazon
(Or elsewhere if you’re odd):
It’s cheaper than an ounce of gold
And funnier than God!
Neutral background made of the author’s sweatpants not included…
Filed under Poems
So they dissolved the police force
And the officers found new jobs
As body guards for wealthy folks
Who pay with golden gobs.
Those who forced defunding
Now demand free guards for all.
I guess that the defunders
Want policemen after all!
Filed under Poems
His heart was as big as a pop-up ad
On a movie you watch on your phone.
His mind was as big as the X in the corner
That tells it to leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
Today I am sleepy.
Tomorrow I’m somnolent.
Many already realized
This poem won’t rhyme.
Filed under Poems
