Tag Archives: Truth

Male Privilege

Young girls get to be princesses

And have real tea at their party

And have sugar and milk

And gloves made of silk,

But boys? Yep! We get to be farty!

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Pokemon Release Day

Today I woke at 5:00 AM

To play a video game

Where I got to go to school

With a crocodile made of flame

And ride a living, dragon motorcycle

Far across the land,

Throwing balls at animals

So they’re at my command.

I took a day off work for this,

Ignored my social life,

Forgot to take a shower with

The girl who’ll be my wife.

All this is the triumph

Of a fully grown adult

Whose parents never let him buy

A pumpkin catapult.

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Time And Suffering

Today we got to experience twice

The hour of 1:00 AM.

As hours go, it was very nice

And my sleep was remarkably REM.

Tomorrow I get to experience once

The hour of butt-crack-of-dawn

So I sign off this poem with the word “dunce”

And a working man’s 8:00 PM yawn.

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Tomorrow I’ll Have Brain Cells To Use… Maybe

Today I drove a long, long way.

Tomorrow I got to the dentist.

That’s why this poem is short,

As if written by the poet’s apprentice.

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What Your Teacher Is Really Thinking About

I remember when saying “Thank you Ma’am”

Was polite, not a micro-aggression.

I recall when when “Boys and girls”

Was how you called kids to attention.

I was there when, instead of a mask,

We taught kids to cover their cough.

Now I work and stay quiet ‘cause I can’t deny

It is nice to still get summers off.

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Lazy Evening… Sue Me

Sitting by the fire

And my Seahawks won today.

Long day, short poem.

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Art School Pays Off

Today I drew a cat.

Everyone said “Nice pig.”

They recognized it was an animal

Which, progress-wise, I think is big!

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Buy My Books Now Before They Go On Sale And Lose All Of Their Value

Money’s more expensive now,

And so are milk and bread.

Your rent’s gone through the roof this year

And it’s hard to keep your head.

You might think that stocks and bonds

Are good spots for your money,

But you are wrong! The best investment

Is poetry that’s funny!

For instance, look at all the folks

Who lost their homes this year.

They didn’t buy a book of verse

But spent their cash on beer,

And I think Queen Elizabeth

Would be alive today

If she’d just read one lousy poem

Published every day!

So do it for your health and wealth

And the queen’s legacy:

Read the crap I publish here

And oh! The results you’ll see!

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Love Y’all, Good Night

I wrote 92 haikus on Tuesday

That apparently nobody read.

If you’re unsatisfied with this poem

Go read some of that crap instead.

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Man’s Real Best Friend

Everyone needs a big fluffy blanket

That smiles when you hug it or throw it or yank it;

It can soothe pain and dry off your tears

And it does so for free over hundreds of years.

When Summer is hot and you lie on the grass

It holds all your food and keeps bugs off your ass.

When Winter is cold and the sky is all gray

The blanket will escort the darkness away.

A blanket can act as a robe in a bind

And a tangle of blankets can help you unwind.

Yes, everyone needs a big fluffy blanket

So next time you see one, remember to thank it.

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