Tag Archives: Truth

Democrats

All white males suck

Because they are prejudiced

Based on race and sex.

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Dear Not-America, Love The U.S. of A

Hello from America,

Where we play real football!

Our dicks are the same size as yours

Although you’re not as tall.

Our women spend more money

And our kids aren’t well-behaved

But we have free tap water

And most of our roads are paved.

We owe your nation money

That we’ll never repay

But we also have lots of nukes

So please do what we say.

Our politicians are all crooks

And most are wimps as well

But we pledge them our allegiance

And pretend that things are swell.

But speaking patriotically

Our country’s still the best

At drinking booze per-capita

And functioning while stressed.

Here’s how you can emigrate

From where you live right now:

Just walk to California

And never leave. Kapow!

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Ode To A Xylophone

Thirty-six to forty-eight

Bars of polished wood

Cut in a way that they vibrate

To play the note they should.

It isn’t quite a saxophone

If used to woo the fairer sex

But out from the crowd it has grown

Because its name starts with an X.

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Pre-Apocalypse

We haven’t had apocalypse yet

In this world in which we thrive.

We don’t fear the undead

For we are the un-alive.

We don’t need no fallout

To keep us inside all day long

And everyone is perfect

Except the half of us who’re wrong.

Food is not a luxury

(Except for homeless folks)

And only half our news today

Is a cruel, ignoble hoax.

So I hope you feel safe

As you stroll a corpseless street

Because, while life is kinda hard,

You aren’t yet a zombie’s treat

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I Have A Dream That I Can Hate A**holes Of Any Color Without Being Vilified

You’re unhygienic,

Ill-tempered and mean.

You’re perhaps the worst tipper

That I’ve ever seen.

Your humor is childish.

Your language is coarse.

You’ve the breath of a dog

And the face of a horse.

You burned down my house,

Ran away with my wife,

Destroyed everything happy

I had in my life.

You’ve made far more enemies

Than you’ve made amends

But I’m white and you’re black

So I’ll say that we’re friends.

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Ancient Wisdom

“Let he who is without fault

Cast the first stone.”

-Ye Olde Baseball for Beginners

“Just because my path is different

“Doesn’t mean I’m lost.”

-Traditional Male Excuse

“Even though I walk

“Through the darkest valley

“I will fear no evil

“For you are with me.”

-Man With Concealed Handgun License

“Faith can move mountains.”

-Faith’s Lazy Little Brother

“There’s something about a woman

“With a loud mind

“Who sits in silence, smiling

“Knowing she can crush you

“With the truth.”

-Some hoe, probably

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Plenty of Fish

He stood on the granite cliff

Screaming hoarsely

Over the roaring black ocean.

From one of the shores beyond

An echo returned to him:

“Citygal17498 has blocked you.”

But mostly there was silence.

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