Tag Archives: Truth

Which of the Following Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Yet another sign

That our publics schools suck ass:

They have a grading rubric

For a “creative writing” class.

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What Are Your Other Two Wishes?

“Prove that genies aren’t real!”

Demanded my stepbrother, Buzz.

“The greatest proof genies don’t exist

“Is that single-ply toilet paper still does.”

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Today’s Episode Of “Incompetent Leading Man Bailed Out By Quirky Minority Sidekick” Is Brought To You By…

Before your TV show resumes

Please watch this little ad

From a global corporation

To remind you that you’re bad.

And if our subtle message

Won’t subliminally take

Don’t worry. There are 14 more

In every single break.

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We Should Have Said “Stay…”

In the beginning the wolves roamed the wild

Just eating the grazers and sometimes a child.

Then some stupid human said “Fluffy! Yoohoo!”

And he started to breed them for me and for you.

The first were domestic and strong, fast and loyal,

A dog for the brave, whether peasant or royal.

They had names like “Fido,” “Apache,” and “Spike,”

And they pooped where they wanted and liked what they like.

But soon came some others, and not for the better:

They came with free handbags and even a sweater.

These dogs were called “Floofums,” “McTwinkle,” and “Cheese,”

And maybe they’ll sit if you nicely ask “Please?”

Soon we’ll have puppies the size of our phones

Who only chew vegan, soy, gluten-free bones,

And when we accept such weak canines as pets

We’ll know just how low our society gets.

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Some Truths Are Harder To Accept

Roses are red.

The worst sport is soccer.

Biden’s the pres’

Just like Rey’s a Skywalker.

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Sheer Will Can Only Go So Far

Tonight I have no topics

To write a poem about…

But will that stop me? Never!

I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!

No force of man or nature

Can stop me writing junk.

As big tech corporations say:

“It’s a feature, not a funk.”

In fact, when I’m inspired

I might settle for one stanza

About something that sounds funny

Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.

But today, despite my lack

Of anything resembling a point

I wrote a lengthy poem

And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.

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Pomp(oms) and Circumstance

Cheerleaders always turned me on

Since I was a boy of 10,

So when Biden got elected

I was delighted that CNN

And every major outlet

Of mainstream American news

Became unabashed cheerleaders

Shouting “Give us I, give us O, give us U’s!”

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If The Analogy Works Dat Thang…

Remember Mandy the stripper?

The one who showed you her rear

Before she leaned in close to you

And whispered in your ear,

“You’re the one I’m dancing for,”

So you slip her 20 bucks?

That’s basically how the government works

And why I say it sucks.

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Dear Conspiracy Theorists…

Some people believe

That our world will be conquered

By satanic lizards from Mars.

To those folks I say,

“Don’t be scared… it’s okay.

“Their rulers are better than ours!”

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Random Thought of the Day

Roses are red,

My car’s a two-seater.

Everything’s a piñata

If you’re not a picky eater.

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