Tag Archives: Truth

That Feels Possessive…

I checked into a hotel room

That was almost six feet tall,

Weighed 180 pounds

And once was very small.

I used it for one happy day

To run around the world

Then checked out in the evening

As on a bed it curled.

I checked back in tomorrow

But found it was today

And the room I’d left behind me

Was mostly still okay.

I expect to keep this up

For quite a while yet

For, being an ambitious ghost,

It’s the best that I can get.

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Go Cry To… Oops

There’s nothing anyone can say

That won’t offend another.

For instance, if you say

That you live with your mother

Women call you loser,

Men will say you suck,

And orphans will be pissed

Because some guys get all the luck.

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Somebody Once Told Me…

I proudly draw a perfect circle

And then somebody screams…

“It’s a Venn Diagram of people born in the ’90’s

“And people who like to make memes!”

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From the Diary of Washington’s Next Top Martyr

This afternoon, Jay Inslee,

The Governor of WA,

Mandated everyone wear masks

To which I stated: “Ha!”

The problem with such mandates

Is that if up the police show

You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”

And they have to let you go.

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Breaking: Pinocchio Becomes Democratic AND Republican Frontrunner

Geppetto saw the puppet

Come alive one fateful night.

He hardly could contain his pure

Excitement and delight.

He asked, “What is your power?”

To which the toy replied,

“My nose grows when I’m truthful

“And I’ve never, ever lied.”

Geppetto took the puppet

On a tour of the land

And the puppet said, “You’re beautiful”

To all the coarse and bland.

“A gift to puppetmakers

“Will increase your Earthly wealth.”

And so, in awe, they watched the nose

And drank unto his health.

And as the ugly stayed the same,

The poor stayed destitute,

The puppet stayed beloved,

For his word was absolute.

This lesson serves to illustrate

Wherefore in every hour

We ought not correlate the truth

With presence of a power.

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It’s Thick Enough That The Title Goes On The Spine!

A book came in the mail for me!

I wrote it and it came!

If you act quickly then you can

Experience the same!

It’s yours to buy on Amazon

(Or elsewhere if you’re odd):

It’s cheaper than an ounce of gold

And funnier than God!

Neutral background made of the author’s sweatpants not included…


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Yay for Forethought!

So they dissolved the police force

And the officers found new jobs

As body guards for wealthy folks

Who pay with golden gobs.

Those who forced defunding

Now demand free guards for all.

I guess that the defunders

Want policemen after all!

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[Insert That One Guy Here]

His heart was as big as a pop-up ad

On a movie you watch on your phone.

His mind was as big as the X in the corner

That tells it to leave you alone.

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What Happens When I Get Less Than 14 Hours Of Sleep

Today I am sleepy.

Tomorrow I’m somnolent.

Many already realized

This poem won’t rhyme.

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No Joke!

Moreso than drugs or heart disease,

Moreso than any tumor,

Most tragedies in life are caused

By lacking a sense of humor.

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