For every man there comes a day
When he must expel waste
And, being in a hurry,
Seeks to urinate with haste.
Soon after, they discover
As their throat fill up with phlegm
That their quest will be a failure…
Someone’s peeing next to them.
They stand in awkward silence,
As the urinals don’t sing
For as much as they both need to
They cannot eject a thing
And thus they close their zippers
And proceed to wash their hands
And go on with screaming bladders
To fulfill their life’s demands.
Filed under Poems
I saw a guy driving today
Who had a sign in their back window:
“Please stay back,
“New stick shift driver.”
I’m putting that in the back window
Of every car I buy
From this day forward.
Filed under Poems
A train is coming down a track
On which doth a maiden lie.
If I took no action
It was certain that she’d die
But if I threw a lever
The train would change its track
And Taylor Swift would never die.
Now on maiden crows do snack.
Filed under Poems
I’m grateful for people
Who do not expect
Good poems on holidays
And, to me, genuflect.
Filed under Poems
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 10
She’ll happily be his Barbie
And he will be her Ken.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 20
She will call him Sugarplum
And he will call her Honey.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes thirty
You can guarantee that they’ll
Be eager to talk dirty.
If a man makes 40k
And she makes 41
Shame on her for dating down!
Their relationship is done.
Filed under Poems
Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,
Pearly white her claws,
And you have been found guilty
Of not following her laws.
She deigns to shake her golden mane
Before she makes you dead,
The only just denouement
For leaving the cat unfed.
Filed under Poems
