Today at the store
I saw advertised
“Raspberry oranges”
Which I soon surmised
Were simply blood oranges
Rebranded so they
Would not offend those
Whose balls went away.
Now as days get longer
And evenings get hotter
I give thanks that raspberries
Are thicker than water.
If I buy some candy
With a blue-raspberry taste
I’ll know royal blood
Has great suffering faced.
I’ll go to church
For the raspberry of Christ.
Instead of blood running cold
I’ll make raspberry ice!
Yes, the pussification
Of America is sweet
‘Til the raspberry of Patriots
Signals final defeat!
The Daily Travesty 